What does it mean to be a good person? It’s the kind of question that, in my eyes, doesn’t warrant a subjective response. Good is good, and there is an art to it. Good may be something we all strive to be, but alas, not everybody can be defined as so, (no names!).
With these 10 behaviors behind you, I’d say you were definitely somebody who falls into the kind, upstanding category, which isn’t a bad hill to sit on. To be good is to help make the world a slightly better place, and I think that’s a goal we should all be aiming for.
1. Always looking out for small ways to intercept.
Kindness doesn’t really come from those big, dramatic moments where you can grab the spotlight and offer help. There’s no desire for an audience to gain recognition. Instead, real kindness comes from those small moments that turn into brief opportunities.
You hold a door open for a stranger, or you help pack a heavily pregnant woman’s groceries, who is behind you in line at the store, just because she looks ready to fall on her feet and sleep for a week. No cameras, no announcements; just a smile of humankind and a helpful intervention.
It’s small, but it can often make a big impact on a person’s life.
2. Exhibiting ‘putting myself in their shoes’ syndrome.
It’s a good syndrome to have – otherwise known widely as empathy.
But empathy isn’t about always leaning into what others are feeling or thinking and feeling it yourself. After all, it’s pretty hard to truly feel what someone else is feeling because you’re not them and haven’t lived their life. It’s often more about having the right tools to be present and to be able to connect in ways that enrich a conversation. Having the ability to enter sensitive moments with patience and kindness is such a powerful tool to own.
Good people offer that as well as they know how. Putting yourself in their shoes doesn’t have to mean you know how they feel, but more importantly, that you believe and validate it.
3. Being able to listen as well as you speak.
As my science teacher back in the 90s (best decade ever) would say, “Mouth closed, ears open!”
It was a phrase that made us all giggle, but it stuck with me. It was laced with the request to be polite and allow him to teach, and we (for the most part…) did. Taking that with me into my adult life, I can apply that phrase to other moments that call for a balance in communication.
It is good to speak, to voice your thoughts, to reply to a question, to show enthusiasm by engaging, and to offer support or advice when asked. But it’s also kind to listen and show the person talking that you are interested in what they are saying.
4. Having a calm aura.
We can all be calmer if we want to. Though it doesn’t come as naturally to some of us as others, it’s a state you can practice and develop. Not only is being calm better for our own mental well-being, but it also gives a positive impression and reflects our character well during times of trouble. Being calm in a crisis is such a powerful message to others. It tells them, “I’ve got this under control.” And it helps to calm their nervous system, too.
What does this have to do with kindness? Well, when you’re calm, you can clarify your thoughts or actions, particularly in difficult situations. You can open yourself and others up to discussions rather than looking for or encouraging a fallout.
5. Never judging a person based on their political beliefs.
Politics has never been more of a divisive subject than it is today. While I don’t want to get into that, I do want to stress that if you are setting people’s political sway to one side and seeing them for who they are, that’s a real art that’s seemingly lost on many right now.
More and more, political beliefs are becoming this kind of marking point for someone’s identity, but if you can disagree while still remaining respectful, rather than being hostile, that can be a beautiful opening for a lot of conversations.
The world would be a much better place if we were to see the good in people wherever possible, rather than form an opinion of them because they happen to vote where your vote may not exist.
6. Remembering that manners cost nothing.
I am hearing all those times my mother would breathe those infamous four words…
“What do you say?”
She would prompt me when someone gave me a gift, or did a good thing for me, and I’d scrunch up my nose delightfully and say, “Thank you!”
I never forgot those prompts, which thankfully turned into a habit that I never let slip away. I thank people. I remember to say please. I request rather than demanding.
You know, it’s a combination of little things that create those manners, but they really do impact how you make others feel, and how they feel about you.
7. Being able to bring people together in a crisis.
Right now, I am thinking of the word community, and what it really means. It doesn’t just mean the people you live near; community also stands for those you share characteristics with, such as your values or interests.
If a person has the ability to bring people together, they may be doing so within a community or creating a much-needed community that wasn’t already in existence.
I think back to the pandemic, or the aftermath of 9/11, or natural disasters across the world. In a crisis, there is a human instinct for connection, and those who pave the way for that are some of the best people out there.
Just think, in the absolute chaos, there are people who immediately go to, “What can I do to make this situation better?”
I don’t care who they are, I like them!
8. When somebody needs help, doing what they need, not what you want.
Oh, it’s so tempting to jump in and help others based on what you’d like the outcome to be, but who are you really helping if you do that?
If a friend or relative needs you, it has to be about their request, rather than your ideal. It has to be about letting people be, and instead of thinking what they should do, it’s about letting them be who they are.
Is there anything more compassionate than giving others that space? It’s hard, especially if you’re inclined to take over whenever you have to take charge, but if you accept others for who they are and meet them there to help solve their problem, they will see you as the kind, good soul you really are.
9. Exuding a consistency that allows people to relax around you.
There’s nothing worse than somebody who is in a great mood one minute, then raging the next. You never really know what to expect from them, and they give off this energy that feels inconsistent as much as it is unpredictable.
But what if you gave off the kind of character where people knew you, and could always be assured they’d get the authentic ‘you’ whenever they saw you?
That’s not you always being a people-pleaser at the expense of your own needs; it’s you doing your best to be regulated and kind, even if you’re having a bit of an off day. It’s allowing people to feel relaxed and safe around you, because they aren’t constantly walking on eggshells, wondering which version of you they’re going to get.
Final thoughts…
Good people exist everywhere, and they all have these behaviors in common. It isn’t about showing off a kind attribute or scoring brownie points; it’s just about doing the right, decent thing and allowing that energy out into the world.
The running theme throughout these behaviors is that they all cost nothing. And with zero monetary value attached, I think kindness is something we can all afford, don’t you?
