Self-awareness is one of the most powerful tools of self-improvement that you can develop. People tend to think it’s something you either have or don’t have, but that isn’t correct. Instead, self-awareness is a skill that you can learn, practice, and develop just like any other skill.
The people who do have a high amount of self-awareness don’t necessarily start that way. They just commit to using habits like these to help develop the skill.
1. They seek outside perspectives without it threatening their identity.
There’s a lot of self-help speak about the importance of honoring yourself, to shed the expectations of society and opinions of other people. But that can cut both ways.
The problem is that we can develop a blindness to our own shortcomings and not realize we have them. Sometimes, you need to have constructive feedback from other people so that you can see the truth of the matter.
A person may feel attacked when they’re criticized, but it’s helpful to be able to look at that criticism objectively. Is there any truth to it? Is there something you’re doing wrong? Do you believe you’re doing the right thing? Does someone else (who is honest and trustworthy) agree with the criticism? Everyone’s got an opinion about something, and it doesn’t mean they’re right. But sometimes they are, and self-awareness grows when you can accept that and seek out the truth.
The important part is that when you receive outside opinions that don’t have truth to them, you don’t let them threaten or define your identity for you.
2. They are curious about their contradictions.
A contradiction doesn’t need to be immediately resolved. Instead, a contradiction can be a signpost that is trying to signal you to explore deeper.
Consider Jessica. Jessica wants a loving and healthy relationship, but she struggles with vulnerability. She knows that if she wants to have a loving and healthy relationship, she needs to be willing to open herself up. But, she can’t seem to do that. There exists the contradiction.
That contradiction is a sign for her to look deeper, possibly with the help of a therapist.
It could be that she’s been burned too many times in other relationships. She may be anxious and scared that trying to find a connection again will bring her more harm than good. But, unfortunately, that’s just the risk you run when you want to have a relationship.
Maybe, with this self-awareness, she can adopt a different approach or boundaries that can help her be successful in relationships.
3. They notice when their values don’t match their behavior.
As the old saying goes, “Talk is cheap.” That is pointing to the truth that words are easy, but actions are not.
You can say you believe in a particular thing, but do your actions support your beliefs? The wise will look at actions before anything else. Or, alternatively, they will hear a claim and then investigate to see if that person is truly about what they say they are about.
A self-aware person will notice when their actions are out of alignment with their beliefs.
They understand how important it is to live their truth when they are putting themselves out there. You can’t do one thing and say another without losing the respect of other people. Not only that, but being out of alignment can severely damage your trustworthiness.
4. They make time for self-reflection.
It’s rare to find truth and insight in constant noise and distraction. Every day, we have numerous distractions flooding us, trying to capture our attention for monetization.
We spend our time doom-scrolling social media, binge-watching shows, or otherwise not finding some stillness or silence. Many of us distract ourselves with sex and substances to escape from our reality, all the while denying ourselves the pleasure and privilege of quiet.
The self-aware understand that they need to periodically take time for themselves to explore within. That can mean taking the quiet moments of life and pausing to think about oneself.
Quiet time is a valuable time to sit down with a journal and get some things out of your head. It’s a time to sit in quiet reflection, considering your actions and what you’re doing right and wrong in life. Note this is not the same as overthinking, which tends not to provide any answers or solutions. Self-reflection is productive; it’s guiding you toward answers and change.
Don’t rush to fill the silence every time life gets quiet.
5. They regularly question their own thoughts, beliefs, and narratives.
All of us have habits, behaviors, and beliefs that we have picked up from society and the people around us. A self-aware person often engages in a process of deconstruction so they can better understand why they think the way they do and act the way they act.
And sometimes, when you practice deconstruction, you realize that certain behaviors are not there because you chose them.
Instead, they are there because you just saw everyone else doing it and you thought you should, too.
If the question of a belief never comes up, causing you to question it, you may just keep running on autopilot. That can be a problem when it comes to trying to create peace and happiness in your life when you have unhealthy behaviors or thoughts you’ve never stopped to challenge.
6. They take responsibility for their choices without rewriting history.
Self-awareness is so helpful in not repeating the mistakes of the past. But to do that, you have to be willing to take responsibility for your actions without trying to make yourself seem like the good guy.
There are too many people who can’t simply say, “I am a flawed person who made a bad decision.” They don’t understand how much liberation there is in owning yourself fully, warts and all.
No reasonable person expects you to be perfect. Anyone who does expect you to be perfect is either using you or isn’t that emotionally intelligent. Otherwise, they would fully understand why you can’t be perfect, because you’re not – and that’s okay!
Not only is it okay, but it’s one of the best parts about being a human being. We’re all just trying to figure out this thing we call life.
7. They treat self-discovery as an ongoing process.
Self-discovery doesn’t end if you’re doing it right. Every day, you’ll have new experiences and learn new things if you’re engaging with the world.
That gives you plenty of opportunities to explore things like your beliefs, values, and how your actions resonate in the world. We all affect each other to some degree, and a self-aware person regularly considers how their actions affect other people.
There really isn’t an end state to self-awareness. Instead, even after you think you’ve reached the end, you can continue exploring the world to find other things that work for you.
Reading books, meeting new people, and learning new things give you more to chew on as you try to sort out the person you are, as you create the person you want to be.
8. They know that their authenticity will disappoint some.
The cost of authenticity is that you tend to lose the people who no longer vibe with who you are.
The self-aware people who understand who they are won’t sacrifice their boundaries or beliefs just to be accepted by other people. That may sound lonely, but once you start reaching that level where those relationships don’t feel good anymore, it’s worse to stay in them.
It feels worse because you know that these aren’t your people. They aren’t your tribe.
Your tribe is out there, but the only way you can find them is through authenticity. Authenticity serves as a filter that keeps away the people that you don’t align with or don’t fit your vibe, while allowing in those who are.
The same thing is true for romantic relationships. If you want someone to love you for your authentic self, then you have to know who your authentic self is.
Closing thoughts…
Self-awareness can easily be misunderstood as endless self-reflection. The mistake that people make is thinking that self-reflection is the only part of the equation.
Instead, that reflection needs to be paired with tangible action. Once you’re aware of the values, beliefs, or behaviors that you don’t like, you’re then challenged to change them.
That’s where the real difficult work begins. That’s why so many people default to the idea of “people don’t change.” Sure they do. The issue is that most people don’t take any ownership of their change, and just let the winds of fate push them where they will.
The better approach is to use that self-awareness to blaze your path forward to a happier, better self.
