There are many times in our lives when we might choose to set aside duty for the sake of indulging our personal wants. Those things can always be done tomorrow without many negative repercussions, right?
Well, not always.
Some things simply do need to be done, and done right now, regardless of how we might feel at the time.
So why do some people manage to do their duty while others set those things aside for later? While it is, at least partly, influenced by brain wiring, a lot of it comes down to the art of discipline. It’s a skill anyone can learn, and it often includes the following habits:
1. Preparing what they need for the task before starting.
Highly disciplined types often prepare everything they need to before time. Whether they’re doing a sport, cooking a meal, or tackling a DIY project, they always have things prepped and organized beforehand.
They’ll pre-cut ingredients in a mise-en-place or lay out the tools and parts they’ll need for their project before they start.
When the time rolls around to do this thing, they feel motivated because they’ve already done most of the heavy lifting. Everything is already in place, so they have no excuse but to do this thing.
Organizing everything ahead of time smooths and eases the path ahead, so even the most seemingly monumental tasks unfold without much heartache.
2. Intercepting the lazy thought before it becomes the lazy action.
Stoic philosophy teaches a technique that stops bad habits before they even manifest. Rather than fighting a habit after it has taken form and is in full motion, it suggests that we should stop it in its tracks while it is still just a thought.
Let’s say a person wakes up and thinks that they really don’t feel like doing a particular chore that day. Since they don’t feel like doing it, they set it aside until the next day. But then the same thing happens the following day.
Highly disciplined people recognize that they may not feel like doing the thing, but it needs to be done: their feelings about it are irrelevant. They notice and catch the thought, “I’ll do it later/tomorrow” before it becomes action and actively challenge it with a counter thought out loud, “No – I’ll do it now.”
This simple act encourages them to get up and do it regardless of whether they want to or not.
3. Keeping commitments to themselves.
Whereas some people need to make commitments to others in order to hold themselves accountable to get things done, those who meet their obligations regardless of how they feel make commitments not to disappoint themselves, let alone anyone else.
One way I do this is to use a Zen Buddhist technique that was adopted by the Samurai called “Mushin” to gird my loins and muster my motivation. It essentially brings you into a “no-mind” state, in which you let go of whatever is bothering or distracting you so you can focus on the commitment you’re about to undertake.
One way to practice Mushin involves taking deep, grounding breaths to reset your nervous system, returning your brain to clearer, more decisive function.
I use 5 deep breaths for when I need to tackle a responsibility, or 15-20 for when I’m pushing myself to work out when I’d rather do something relaxing instead.
Other people honor their commitment to themselves by setting a specific time for the task (and noting it in a diary or calendar) and treating it like an important appointment, using accountability apps, and creating regular mini rewards when they stay on track.
4. Being disciplined when it comes to rest.
Many people acknowledge that there are tasks to be done, and they sincerely want to do them, but they’re so burned out that they’re running on fumes.
This is where a lot of people completely collapse on discipline. They’ll give themselves a day off, feel guilty about slacking off, and end up repeating the unhealthy cycles of pushing themselves too hard that led to them getting burned out to begin with.
Highly disciplined people recognize that they need regular deep rest and healthy food in order to function properly. They’ll try to choose options that nourish them well so they can focus and take action, and try to get a solid 8 hours of sleep or more every night.
These simple choices bring a huge amount of cumulative good into their lives. Maintaining a routine like this makes it much easier to do what needs to be done, because they aren’t constantly operating on a deficit.
5. Paring down the unnecessary.
Imagine a garden full of weeds, or a bedroom that hasn’t been tidied in six months. Many people’s lives are just like that — filled with clutter and piles of detritus that stand between them and things that need doing.
Those who do what needs to be done regardless of how they feel are often ruthless in their approach to that which is unnecessary. Without drama or stress, they purge things from their life that are cluttering it up or weighing them down.
This isn’t done in a spiteful or malicious way: they simply keep moving forward and gently dropping excess weight whenever and wherever they can. And that includes unhealthy relationships as well as physical clutter.
6. Maintaining their own emotional well-being.
Folks who are highly disciplined know themselves and their quirks very well. They know when a storm within them is brewing, and rather than embracing the drama or emotional upheaval, they’ll find a way to circumvent it.
It’s the emotional equivalent of realizing a bodily need and satiating it. For instance, like when people know that they’re hungry or need to use a washroom, rather than ignoring the need (or not realizing it) until it causes damage.
Being able to recognize what’s going on within you and do what you can to restore inner peace before getting back to business is key to developing discipline.
It’s worth noting that this level of internal knowledge can seem like a bit of a mystical gift to some people, particularly those who struggle with interoception. That is, the ability to sense and interpret what’s going on inside your own body. It’s a particularly common challenge for some neurodivergent folk and those with trauma histories.
External supports like body scans, emotion wheels, and body maps can help, and although interoception research is a growing field, there is a wealth of resources available online to help with this if it doesn’t come naturally.
By being in tune with your inner state, you’re far better able to course-correct before damage or self-sabotage can occur.
7. Making tolerating discomfort a habit.
Highly disciplined people often make it a habit to become inured to that which makes them uncomfortable. Rather than allowing discomfort to derail them from their goal (or responsibility), they choose not to allow it to affect them and get on with their lives instead.
Whether it be rejection, failure, disappointing others, or the many other laundry list of things that make the average person shut down, they have learned to handle all of it with calm objectivity and the application of their own will.
To cultivate this behavior, they’ll often put themselves in situations where they know they’ll be slightly uncomfortable, so they learn how to tolerate it with grace.
I do this by wearing the same type of clothing in winter and summer alike (within reason and safety), so I am unaffected by being either a bit too cold or too warm, and can still focus and function as needed.
Other people choose to eat only bland food for several days in a row, take cold showers every now and then, or regularly sit with the urge to check their phone without acting on it.
These small habits safely build up the discomfort muscle that you’ll inevitably need when it comes to doing a task you don’t want to do, but that needs to be done nonetheless.
8. Accepting the responsibility of being the “bad guy.”
People pleasers and other individuals who want to be admired and thought of highly by everyone around them often refrain from doing things that may paint them in a poor light.
They’re so hesitant to be the villain in anyone else’s story that they’ll set aside their own responsibility and duty in favor of remaining in others’ good books. To them, all that matters is getting the task at hand done, rather than making as many people happy as possible.
Of course, they may sincerely want to be liked and would love nothing more than to bend rules or make allowances for other people’s benefit, but their integrity and commitment won’t allow them to do so.
They choose truth and responsibility over anyone’s feelings — their own, or those of others.
9. Letting go of emotional attachment to tasks.
Some tasks that need to be done are avoided because of the emotions that may come with them. It’s human nature to want to avoid suffering and lean towards pleasant experiences as much as possible, but those inclinations can prevent individuals from doing their duty.
For example, if they find something upsetting or challenging, they may find ways to avoid doing it, including asking others to handle it for them. Alternatively, if there’s something else that’s more pleasant, they’ll try to follow that route instead and pawn the difficulty onto someone else.
But those who simply do what needs to be done often do so by letting go of their emotional attachment to the task at hand. Their only job is to show up and do the thing — the outcome, and how they feel about it, is irrelevant.
To achieve this, some people find it helps to approach the task as though it belongs to someone else, and they are simply the person who has been asked to complete it.
Through this mindset, they become as content to trudge through a cold, bleak winter landscape as they are to frolic through a field of roses: without preference or avoidance. Is there something that needs to be done in that field? Then it will be done.
Final thoughts…
When it comes to doing things that need to be done, it’s best not to view them as punishments, but rather as part of the crucible that’s forming you on a daily basis.
Every choice you make and every action you take changes you into the version of yourself that you sincerely want to be.
Challenging things like ending unhealthy relationships or facing difficult health issues may not be pleasant, but they are necessary. Set personal emotions and preferences aside, focus entirely on the duty, and all will fall into place as it should.
