And you ask, ‘What if I fall?’ Oh, but my darling, what if you fly?
This, one of my favorite quotes by Erin Hanson, frequently pops into my head whenever I find it a challenge to say yes to something that’s actually good for me.
In life, we often assume that we will jump in and everything will fall apart, but what if it feeds us? What if we find fuel in saying yes, and use that fuel to keep growing?
I wish we could all shed the struggle and give ourselves half a chance for something amazing to work out. I know the last thing I want on my deathbed is to regret all those chances I could’ve taken, but didn’t, and I very much doubt you want that too.
So if you find saying yes difficult, this one’s for you.
1. Start believing what saying yes could offer you.
It’s hard to envisage what could come from saying yes when you’re just not wired for accepting opportunities, isn’t it?
Believe it or not, more people than you think struggle to see a happy outcome, so instead they retreat from the thing that could do their soul the world of good.
The first step before anything else has to be to start recognizing – and believing – that you can have good things. That you deserve good things.
I understand that good things happening to you might not be something that you’re used to, or perhaps you were taught from an early age that it just wasn’t possible, but I want to lean in and whisper this:
THEY ARE VERY POSSIBLE!
Okay fine, that wasn’t a whisper, but I hope it found its way inside of you, rather than just rippling over you with zero meaning.
And if my belief isn’t enough, you can help your brain believe in good outcomes by practicing something psychologists call micro‑experiments.
These are tiny, low‑stakes yeses that let you gather real evidence that saying yes doesn’t lead to disaster.
Each small success rewires your nervous system to expect possibility instead of collapse.
Because one thing is absolutely for sure: you definitely won’t get good things if you say no to them. You have to give them a chance by at least saying yes.
2. Ask yourself if fear of failure is holding you back.
It’s a question I would love to ask those who are teetering on the edge of desire, holding back from dipping a toe in and experiencing what it feels like to give it a go.
If you know you want whatever it is, and you know it would be good for you, what prevents you from taking action and making that step?
For most people, being scared to try new things, take risks, or embrace growth boils down to one thing: a fear of failure.
You put it off, or say no altogether, because you’re worried that it’ll all go wrong if you try.
Simply knowing that fear of failure is what’s driving you, and naming that out loud, can reduce its emotional intensity. And that in turn allows you to consciously decide what to do with it, rather than letting it blindly drive you. It’s what psychologists call “affect labelling.”
There is also the added bonus that once you know what you actually fear, you can plan for it. I love Richard Branson’s quote at times like this: Always think, “What’s the worst thing that can happen, and have some kind of strategy to deal with it.”
3. Stop waiting for permission to grow, or you’ll be waiting forever.
Who are you waiting for?
We all have goals and wishes, but a big reason why you might be waiting to make your dreams come true is that you are relying on the validation of others.
This usually boils down to yet more fear, but this time, it’s not a fear of failure, but a fear of judgment or disappointing others.
So you’re waiting for, “That’s fine, you can go ahead and do that now.”
Why?
Likely because that was what your earlier years looked like. You needed permission or approval to do anything, and when you didn’t get it (which was probable), you stood still, stuck in limbo.
Realistically, it’s likely that nobody is going to grant you that permission. But even if they do and you act on it, you’ve made them the authority over you and your life. Why? No one else could possibly know what is right for you, because they aren’t you.
So instead of asking “Would they approve?”, ask “Does this align with my values?”
If the answer to the latter is yes, then give yourself permission. Nobody else gets to decide when you say yes except you.
And remember, if someone has an issue with you accepting soul-nourishing opportunities, it’s unlikely that they have your best interests at heart.
Often, it’ll be down to envy that they’re not taking those steps while you’re out there making it happen, a desire to keep you small because that’s what works for them, or some fear of their own.
But that is a them issue, not a you one.
4. Rid yourself of the guilt of prioritizing yourself.
It’d make a change, wouldn’t it? When was the last time you really chose yourself over anything or anyone else?
And I’m not asking you to put on the suit of a narcissist or to be selfish to the point where you drive people away. I’m asking you to remember where your own passion lies, and what you do about it, ever.
You shouldn’t feel bad for being curious and saying yes to a growth opportunity, even if you are a little scared by it.
There’s a song I often think about when I feel that way, called Pretty Shining People by George Ezra. He sings:
“I fear I’m on an island in an ocean full of change,
Can’t bring myself to dive into an ocean full of change.”
For me, the change I’m afraid of is actually putting myself first, because I struggle to accept that’s an okay thing to do. I feel guilt about it.
But guilt isn’t always a sign that we’re doing something wrong. Sometimes it’s just a sign that we’re doing something differently and we’re afraid of how people will react to that change. Our nervous system mistakes that as a genuine threat, and warns us accordingly.
When I feel guilty about saying yes to something I know would be good for me, these lyrics help me remember why that’s just more fear talking. And I can choose not to listen.
5. Trust the pull toward better things.
I can’t explain the pull other than:
It feels like the universe is silently screaming at me, and instead of hearing it, I feel it.
It hits my gut, and once I realize that’s not my IBS kicking off again, I take it as a sign that I’m being pulled to this for a reason. A sign that I should release myself from the struggle of resisting that pull.
Trusting that pull means trusting that it won’t take you beyond what you can handle or away from what you love.
That “pull” you feel is often your intuition, which is actually your brain’s pattern‑recognition system nudging you toward what aligns with your long‑term wellbeing.
If you keep ignoring it, the signals from your body will often get louder and louder until it becomes painfully obvious that saying no is not benefiting you – and may even be doing you harm.
(Also, I’m really sorry I slipped in that I have IBS. I should’ve warned you. Apologies if you were tucking into your miso rolls while reading.)
6. Remember that fear and discomfort sometimes mean you’re heading in the right direction.
What we don’t know and haven’t experienced tends to scare us, but those roads always lead to some form of growth that we ultimately learn from.
That’s why I think comfort zones are severely overrated and possibly even dangerous in certain circumstances.
You can stay in the familiar forever and be fine, but what does that do to your soul? What does it do to all those dreams you have?
When you take a little tiny step out of that zone, it feels like you’re wading into waters you know nothing about. Every part of you will want to hold back.
But as with feeling guilt, feeling fear and discomfort does not always mean something is bad, either. Again, it often just means something is different, and your nervous system is reacting to that change.
But different can be good. Very good.
Sometimes you just need to sit with that feeling for a little while, instead of immediately reacting to it. Once you learn to sit with it and analyze where it’s coming from, maybe through journaling or just self-reflection, you can learn to distinguish between growth fear and danger fear.
Saying yes can become like opening a door that leads to a hundred more, yet I know there is real struggle in making that crucial first step.
But let me tell you, all the while you’re not moving, you’re not going in any direction. And if we weren’t meant to move, we’d all be trees.
7. Grab time and make friends with it, rather than letting it pass by.
Despite all the wise quotes from famous figures worldwide, I want to direct you to one that I created, and that is the reason why I have said yes to so much in recent years.
Are you ready?
Time passes, so you may as well do it anyway.
Thank you, I know, it’s pretty good.
I spent years wanting to get my degree, honestly. I made constant excuses for myself until I started to edge toward 40 and I knew I needed to mark it with some kind of stamp that had nothing to do with prosecco brunches or afternoon teas.
I made friends with my countdown years and decided that it was now or never. The years were going to pass whether I said yes or not, so I had two choices: get to 40 and have nothing to show for it, or get to 40 and celebrate it by graduating from university.
I chose the latter, because the former to me meant I was spending my passing years living a life that didn’t align with what my soul was calling out for.
Time will pass for you too. So what are you going to say yes to while it does?
Final thoughts…
While my aim is to never downplay anyone’s struggles, I do intend on leaving you now with a little space to think about what it is your soul wants to feast upon.
I live in England, and some of you might, too. Others will be in America, Australia, India, Africa. We are everywhere, and while we are all different, we all have one beautiful thing in common:
We all have a purpose.
It’s what connects us. And while some of you have no issues chasing those yes moments that bring you close to your purpose, others might find it challenging.
But saying yes doesn’t have to be big or scary when you break it down; it just has to be something you do.
Are you ready?
