Many of the traits and behaviors that people exhibit in adulthood start to manifest when they’re very young. In fact, we can often tell what a person is going to be like based on some of their childhood behaviors.
Furthermore, the likelihood of them being successful in adulthood can often be anticipated based on how they behave as kids. Of course, “success” in life means different things to different people.
When we talk about success, we’re talking about being as happy and healthy as we individually can, and achieving the things we personally set out to achieve.
It’s worth pointing out that we all have different starting points, different strengths and different weaknesses, and working with those, rather than against them, is key.
That said, if you can hone them in your wards, the following skills will prove invaluable in their future success. And if you’re an adult who hasn’t yet developed them, it’s never too late to start:
8 childhood behaviors that are linked to success in adulthood:
1. Trying to figure something out for yourself before asking for help.
Many of us have come across adults who immediately ask for assistance from others for just about everything rather than making an attempt to do it on their own first.
Some of these individuals do so because they’re afraid of making mistakes, often because mistakes were ridiculed or admonished when they were growing up.
Others do so because their parents never allowed them to learn through trial and error in their youth.
They did everything for their kids because it was easier and far less annoying than having to wait for and correct them. It’s very tempting, but it doesn’t serve them well in the long run.
In contrast, a child who is encouraged to try things for themselves first, within their unique limits, often develops great strength of character that will see them into adulthood. This is true even when it seems they’re being defiant.
You may think that your toddler is being “difficult” by not letting you put their shoes on for them when you’re running late, but in reality they are fighting for independence and self-sufficiency.
Those traits will serve your child immensely over the course of their life. Hone them.
2. Being able to sit with discomfort (but knowing when you’ve reached your limit).
A child who can sit comfortably with reasonable discomfort instead of wanting it to be instantly alleviated will undoubtedly grow up to be a resilient adult.
In our now-now-now society, where we can get so much so quickly with a simple click of a button, this is a skill that is rapidly declining.
Many of us rush to ease discomfort and attain gratification as quickly as possible, whether it’s putting on a sweater when we’re feeling a bit chilly, pushing down emotions by watching another reel, or eating a snack as soon as we feel a hunger pang.
In contrast, children who can learn to delay gratification and tolerate a little discomfort learn to be more comfortable with it. They can set aside their own desires instead of immediately wanting to indulge them.
That kind of self-discipline will serve them well in just about every challenging circumstance they may encounter in life. And there will be many.
Furthermore, it can give them a major advantage over those who give up at the first sign of adversity.
Of course, some nuance is required here. For some children, such as those with ADHD, impulse control will naturally be harder, but that same challenge will be an asset in other areas of life, such as when quick thinking, bold decision-making, and spontaneity are required.
Similarly, children with sensory processing differences are already living in a heightened state of discomfort. As such, they are already having to tolerate far more discomfort than neurotypical children.
They are already showing extraordinary resilience. They don’t need to learn to “suck up” those sensory sensitivities or challenges; they need accommodations and strategies to level the playing field.
As such, working with our unique makeup to learn what discomfort we can safely push ourselves through and what is a healthy limit is the real key to developing resilience.
3. Creative problem solving (and the initiative to put it into action).
You’re probably familiar with the mantra “if at first you don’t succeed, try and try again.” Well, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but a lot of kids will give up in frustration if they don’t do something well the first time.
I witnessed this a lot when I was young and was playing video games with my friends: if they didn’t complete a level properly the first or second time, they’d throw the controller across the room or demand that someone else do it for them.
And as with point 1, it can be tempting to step in and help, just to calm the situation. But that generally doesn’t help with frustration tolerance and creative problem-solving in the long run.
The kids who are encouraged to keep trying to win that level by approaching it in different ways, at their own pace, will learn both tenacity and creative problem-solving abilities.
They won’t do the same thing over and over again, hoping it’ll work eventually. Instead, they’ll try dozens of different approaches until they find the one that’s successful.
This creative persistence is immensely beneficial in adulthood, as it allows us to pursue success without getting disheartened and giving up when things get difficult.
4. Being kind and decent to friends and nature.
A child who shows kindness and empathy to their friends and animal companions is an individual who will grow up to be an immensely caring, compassionate adult.
The empathy they show by doing things like sharing snacks or comforting those who are hurting is an invaluable trait that will be cherished by those in their lives when they grow up.
But many people don’t realize that empathy is not something you either have or don’t. Yes, some people are naturally more empathetic than others, but it is a skill, just like any other.
It can be learned, taught, and modelled. Really, all it takes is for you to understand and accept that someone else’s experience is valid to them, even if you can’t relate to it yourself. And the benefits of doing so are immense in every area of your life.
Healthy people, be they potential employers, partners, friends, or project collaborators, naturally gravitate towards those who are kind, respectful, and decent to others.
These individuals are co-operative, and others want to have them as part of their organizations, as well as their personal social circles.
What’s more, the world as a whole would be far more successful, and less destructive, if we all had a bit more empathy for one another.
5. The ability to soothe and take care of yourself.
We’ve all experienced scenarios in which kids have been having fun on a playground and gotten injured, or they’ve had an argument with their friends which has upset them. And kids will naturally have varying degrees of tolerance to pain, whether physical or emotional.
Some will get up and brush it off, while others will go running to their parents or nannies to be soothed, which is a natural and healthy part of co-regulation, i.e., where a calm, stable person’s presence helps another person to calm their nervous system.
That early co-regulation and modelling of emotional stability is often what sets the stage for learning to self-regulate as an adult, and it is crucial to success in life.
Those who do so tend to learn that pain and failure are inevitable and that they cannot be avoided. They learn to feel the pain, accept it, soothe their bruised egos (and various body parts) in a healthy way, and then get back to it.
They don’t try to pretend that pain doesn’t exist, bury it in unhealthy coping mechanisms, or rely solely on others to soothe them.
Children who learn these behaviors tend to be the types who will learn from difficult experiences throughout their lives and grow from them exponentially.
6. Honesty and the ability to own your mistakes.
Most of us know people who prefer to hide their mistakes or blame them on others instead of owning up to them.
In fact, they do everything they can to sidestep admitting wrongdoing so they can avoid punishment, often because they learned to fear mistakes growing up.
This is in stark contrast to those who own up to their mistakes and ask how they can make things right.
I’ve got a story that illustrates this well. When I was working with kids on a teaching farm, we gave them seeds to take home and grow in pots. What we didn’t tell them was that those seeds had been sterilized with boiling water, which, if you don’t know, prevents them from growing.
Yet nearly all those kids brought in lush, healthy plants several weeks later, except for a few who brought in empty pots and admitted that their seeds hadn’t grown.
Those are the kids who showed honesty and integrity, likely with their parents’ encouragement.
This was in stark contrast to those whose parents encouraged their kids to plant other, similar-looking seeds and lie about it to the instructors.
The lesson here wasn’t about growing food per se so much as being honest about when things work, and when they don’t.
Children who show traits like honesty and integrity at an early age undoubtedly grow up to be successful adults whom others admire, respect, and trust. But they can’t do that if we don’t model it for them ourselves.
7. Being smart with money.
While we obviously all start out with different financial means, there are few things more valuable to life success than learning money literacy.
Most kids, given the opportunity, would spend their allowance or birthday money as soon as they get it, on frivolous things that disappear quickly. The part of the brain that deals with impulse control simply isn’t developed enough to delay gratification in this way until much later.
There are a few who might spend more wisely, such as buying a bit of candy with part of that money and setting the rest aside to save for something big that they really want, or even putting some of their own earnings towards buying something special for their parents during the holidays. But they are a rarity.
Most children will need to be taught or modelled how to be smart with the money they have.
This may not seem like a big deal in childhood, but what they see and learn now will speak volumes about how they’re going to handle finances in the future.
A child who learns to be responsible with their spending is more likely to grow up to be a conscientious, successful adult, who can live as well as possible as they can, within their means.
8. Self-confidence and the ability to advocate for yourself (and others).
Self-confidence and the ability to meet other people on their own level are great skills that can serve people well at any age.
Of course, we all have different personalities, and some of us are naturally more reserved or anxious. But even in those who aren’t naturally loud and outspoken, a quiet self-confidence can be built.
A child who learns the skills required to make new friends, and who learns to identify and voice their needs, rather than suppress them, will grow into an adult who’s confident with both making new connections and speaking up for themselves — and others — when they need to.
In contrast, timid, insecure individuals are often taken advantage of by others because they’re hesitant to speak out against unfairness. And there will always be unfairness. Furthermore, they’re less likely to step in if others are being mistreated.
Children who are taught self-confidence and self-belief, and protection towards others when very young, grow up to be adults who stand up for themselves and those they care about, instead of simply throwing them under the bus.
Final thoughts…
If you think about the most successful people you know and track their lives back to early childhood, you’ll see that they exhibited many of the behaviors and traits listed here.
Some people are born with a natural flair for them, but most often these are not innate. Yet they can be encouraged and developed by parents and other caregivers.
By empowering children with things like self-confidence, resilience, and integrity, whilst honoring their unique strengths and challenges, we can help them to gain distinct advantages as they move through life.
And encouraging them to embody these traits can help them significantly on their road to later success.
