Are you chasing a worthwhile life? What does a ‘worthwhile’ life even mean?
Many of us get caught thinking of a worthwhile life as a productive life. We think it means being “successful” or doing something productive with the time that we have.
That could be raising a family, working in a career, or some other major life goals that you set for yourself. We’re sold an idea of what a successful, worthwhile life looks like, and many of us chase it.
However, the chase can get exhausting because it’s not necessarily something you can keep up with, and neither does it bring us the fulfillment we thought it would.
That’s why you want to keep an eye out for warning signs like these.
8 signs you’re exhausting yourself chasing a ‘worthwhile’ life:
1. You postpone rest until you’ve earned it.
Many people treat rest as a reward for doing hard work. After all, if you still have goals ahead of you, why are you resting?
Well, you’re resting because your brain and body are essentially machines. Every machine needs to be taken down from time to time for maintenance. If it isn’t, the machine usually breaks down in spectacularly expensive ways.
Rest is maintenance for your brain and body.
Furthermore, if you are a goal-oriented person with big dreams, you may never find an opportunity to rest. People who are grinding away at their goals will often skip past the celebration or some downtime in favor of jumping right onto their next goal.
Rest is not something you earn. It’s something you need. Without it, you will break down, sooner or later.
2. You feel guilty when you aren’t being productive.
Productivity is a word that needs some conversation.
Many people equate a worthwhile life with a productive life. At first glance, that sounds kind of reasonable. We live in a society, so we should all be doing our part to live a worthwhile life and contribute to the upkeep of that society, right?
Well, yes, but what about the elderly? Children? Or the disabled? Are their lives not worthwhile if they can’t be productive? What about someone who is able but chooses a slower pace of life? Is their life not worthwhile if they aren’t being productive?
Of course those individuals are worthwhile. All of them are.
Yet, we can still feel incredibly guilty about allowing ourselves downtime or just being satisfied with a typical, ordinary life. Some people just want a comfortable job that pays the bills so they can simply exist. That life is worthwhile too.
A guilt about a lack of productivity is often instilled in childhood. The child’s parents condition them to believe that being productive is the only way they can earn acceptance, because that’s what they were taught.
The child will carry that message with them into school and adulthood, and pass it on to their children if it’s left unchallenged.
You can choose to break that cycle. Your value is not dependent on your output. It is inherent.
3. You believe you’ll be happy once you reach a milestone.
I had a good friend who was an accomplished woman. She has a graduate degree and a well-paying career. She fell victim to the achievement mindset because she was taught that hard work always had to come first.
She needed to work hard in school to earn the grades to qualify for college. She needed good grades in college to qualify for graduate school. She needed good grades in grad school to land a good job once she graduated.
But did she take time along the way to create some happiness for herself? No, she did not. Happiness was always a future goal that she would attain once she got her degrees, her license, and a good job.
But once she got that job, she found herself miserable because none of those things provided lasting happiness.
Her experience is not uncommon. In fact, it’s so common that psychologists call it the arrival fallacy. That is, the false belief that reaching a milestone or goal will bring lasting happiness or fulfillment.
It won’t.
Happiness is not something we reach. Happiness is something we create in the present moment. Don’t waste the opportunity to create it by pinning all your hopes on the future, because the future is not promised.
4. You measure your self-worth by your accomplishments.
A person who needs external validation is often trying to fill some gap in themselves. They don’t feel as though they are worthy or a worthwhile person, so they believe they have to earn it.
That person may think things like, ‘Will I be lovable if I don’t x…? Am I worthy of time or attention if I don’t do z…?’ But again, we run into a conundrum when you account for children, the elderly, or the disabled.
What if you can’t reach your goals or accomplishments for whatever reason? Does that just inherently make you a bad or unworthy person?
No. No, it doesn’t.
As I’ve said, every person inherently has value because they are a human being, and all human beings deserve to feel worthy. And even if the person is able to but chooses not to pursue a “successful” life, what right does anyone have to devalue that person?
5. You mistake busyness for progress.
It’s important to understand the difference between busyness and productiveness.
Anyone can be busy doing nonsense that means nothing. Not all busyness is productive. Sometimes, it’s just there to eat up time and attention that you could be spending on more fruitful endeavors – like resting. Let me give you an example.
Let’s say you’re going to sweep your floor. You sweep it, and now your floor is clean. You were productive.
On the other hand, what if you had just kept sweeping after you had finished? You’re no longer being productive because the floor is already clean. You’re just being busy for no real reason. And you could keep sweeping that floor for the rest of your life until you choose to stop.
The same can be applied across all areas of life. So as you examine your activities, look for what is moving you forward versus what keeps you in place. You may find that you’ve been sweeping the floor for far too long.
6. You turn your hobbies into side projects, hustles, or goals.
Hobbies have been railroaded into being yet another method of productivity. But that’s not what a hobby is for.
A hobby should be part of that rest and relaxation time where you’re not necessarily setting goals or worrying about whether the thing you’ve created could be profitable.
Money will always change the equation when it comes to your hobbies. Don’t believe the advice “do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life!” It’s nonsense.
Even if you’re fortunate enough to do something you love, it’s still work. There are still some days you just don’t want to do it. But we suck it up, buttercup, and we carry on.
That kind of responsibility and mentality shouldn’t be for hobbies. A hobby should be something you do for escapism, self-fulfillment, or dare I say – fun!
You don’t have to be great at it or make money from it. Just do the things that interest you or look fun.
7. You pursue goals because they sound worthwhile, not because they matter to you.
People don’t always pursue goals for the right reasons. To go back to the example of my friend, she spent about 10 years getting her education to get to where she wanted to be. And once she got there, she felt proud but empty.
That’s because she followed the social script of what her parents told her she should be doing. Was it a ‘worthwhile’ endeavor? Certainly. However, it didn’t lead her to any greater peace or happiness, other than that which you can get from having steady employment.
It was worthwhile in the eyes of society, but it didn’t truly matter to her.
So break out of the mold of social expectations. If you feel something different calling to you, you will regret it if you don’t at least explore the possibility.
I can tell you from personal experience that your feelings and desires can wither and die when you don’t honor and respect them. You lose touch with who you are.
So make sure your big goals are actually things you want, not what your parents, friends, or society wants.
8. You keep adding goals because your life never feels like enough.
The sense of emptiness that comes from pursuing the wrong goals is stronger than you may realize.
Imagine you’re thirsty, so you decide to eat a sandwich. You finish the sandwich and realize, “Oh. I’m still thirsty…” That’s because a sandwich is the wrong kind of nourishment for thirst. But still, you eat another sandwich. And so it goes on.
Chasing society’s idea of a ‘worthwhile’ life to the point of exhaustion is like consuming the wrong kind of nourishment.
Besides, even if society’s goals are the right ones for you, you’re unlikely to achieve them through exhaustion. And if somehow you do, you may find it’s a Pyrrhic victory that costs you more in blood, sweat, and tears than it was worth.
Closing thoughts…
I am a guy who followed the social script in life. I tried to do the whole get an education, get a job, get a wife, and have kids to have a worthwhile life thing. However, the circumstances of my life didn’t go that way.
Not only that, but that social script isn’t actually what I wanted out of life. Is my life worth less because of that? Am I worth less because of that?
No.
And neither are you.
If you’re finding the script you’ve been following doesn’t suit you, try to remember that quality trumps quantity when it comes to pursuing the goals that will create your idea of a worthwhile life.
What one choice today will move you forward?
