Just about all of us will have to deal with something at some point that doesn’t make us particularly happy. It might be related to a relationship issue that we know is going to blow our life apart, or a health issue that could be quite serious.
Avoiding these issues might feel a lot more comfortable than facing them head-on, but if you don’t face them, they have the potential to become much worse.
The problem is, sometimes we’re in denial about that niggling feeling, which stops us from noticing the warning signs when we should.
With that in mind, here are some signs that tell you that the thing you’ve been avoiding needs to be dealt with as soon as possible.
8 signs you’re avoiding something that needs to be dealt with urgently:
1. You’re keeping so busy that you don’t have much time to think.
Many people post humorous anecdotes online about how they have things like impending deadlines creeping up, so they’re cooking, baking, and scrubbing the entire house with a toothbrush.
While these may be amusing to read, you might also be engaging in this combination of avoidance and anxiety management if there’s something important that you need to face but can’t bear to do so.
By keeping yourself busy, you are trying to reduce or distract yourself from thinking about the big thing, which wouldn’t necessarily be a problem if you were also dealing with the thing.
Essentially, you’re making yourself believe that you’re being productive and making a positive headway towards something important, while simultaneously evading that thing you refuse to face.
Instead of dealing with that thing and getting it over with, you throw yourself into work, chores, and whatever else will allow you to keep avoiding the problem.
2. You’re avoiding mirrors or self-scrutiny.
A friend of mine ignored a strangely shaped mole on her leg for the better part of a year. Every time she looked at it, that mole seemed to change shape or grow, and she didn’t want to deal with the anxiety that it caused her.
So instead of going to the doctor, she avoided looking at it at all and essentially avoided even thinking about it, hoping it would go away on its own.
Unfortunately, by the time she finally succumbed to pressure from her family and got it looked at, it had metastasized and spread to different parts of her body.
Of course, this won’t always be the outcome for everyone, but it’s just never worth taking the risk.
Similarly, if you have health-related anxiety, you may avoid looking at or dealing with parts of your physical, mental, or emotional health and well-being that you know need to be attended to.
Maybe you’re avoiding mirrors so you don’t have to look at your teeth or gums. Or you’re dismissing symptoms in other parts of your body as just fatigue, stress, perimenopause, age, and so on, thereby avoiding the things you desperately need to face.
3. You’re experiencing significant mental and emotional changes.
You might have always felt strong and capable in different areas, but that has changed. For example, instead of being able to remain stoic and confident in the face of personal challenges, you may now get severe anxiety attacks when anything unexpected occurs.
Alternatively, instead of having a memory like a steel trap, it’s possible that you now experience severe brain fog and can barely remember your own name at times.
This can happen because chronic stress and avoidance keep your brain stuck in a prolonged state of alertness. Over time, stress hormones like cortisol can affect memory, concentration, and emotional resilience, making it harder to think clearly and cope with everyday challenges.
Of course, changes in mood and the ability to cope shouldn’t be taken out of context, since they can be highly influenced by general life stress, hormones, illness, and the like. That said, if you see this sign alongside the others, and it can’t be accounted for by alternative explanations, it could be a strong indicator that you’re avoiding something important.
4. You’re avoiding socializing.
Those of us who have experienced awful things in life know how uncomfortable it is when people ask us about them. The same thing happens when there’s a subject you’ve been actively avoiding, something you desperately need to face.
When and if someone brings up that topic, even in passing, the flicker of panic that rushes through your body can be almost unbearable.
As a result, you may find you’re avoiding socializing with others specifically so you don’t have to hear or talk about the thing you’ve been avoiding.
For example, the last thing you want to deal with is questions regarding the partner you know you need to split up with, or reminders about health issues, financial woes, etc. — things you’re struggling with and actively trying not to think about.
5. You panic at unexpected emails or phone calls.
If you’ve been avoiding something serious that needs your attention, you may freak out any time you get an unexpected email or phone call.
You can’t bear to face the thing you aren’t prepared to tackle yet, so any time your phone rings or a potentially contentious email shows up in your inbox can set your pulse racing.
In the past, you wouldn’t have thought twice about answering the phone or scanning through your inbox. But now, in your currently fragile state, you’re carefully curating any experience you may have in an attempt to keep yourself as safe as possible.
You’ll only be able to handle this issue on your terms, so anything that could trigger a fear response in you is avoided at all costs.
6. You feel the pressing desire to get away.
This is the “flight” part of the “fight or flight” response to a perceived threat.
If there’s something you’ve been avoiding, which you really should be facing as soon as possible, then you may feel as though the walls are closing in around you. As a result, you might also feel a pressing need to run away as far and fast as you can.
When you’re relaxing at home with your family, you may start daydreaming about what life would be like if you just packed a bag and booked a one-way ticket to Nepal. Alternatively, you might look into booking plans for all of you to get away to a cabin in the woods for a while.
Just about any option is a better one than where you are right now, and fleeing your current life becomes more and more appealing every single day.
7. People start treating you differently.
Those close to you, the people who care about you and know you well, can tell when you aren’t doing okay. As such, they might have noticed some of the behaviors mentioned above and have started treating you differently as a result.
For example, they might have started asking if you’re okay more often than they used to. One or two of them could have suggested that you may want to see a doctor, or they might reassure you that they’re always there for you if you need them.
Alternatively, if you’ve been actively avoiding people and pushing them away, you may discover that you aren’t being invited to get-togethers with the same frequency as you used to.
8. You are experiencing increased depression.
The problem with avoiding things is that they rarely go away on their own. In fact, they often escalate, both in how you feel about the problem and the problem itself. As such, whatever might be troubling you may feel like it has intensified a hundredfold.
Before, you may have felt a bit down about the situation you’d been avoiding, but now, you may find yourself struggling to function the way you normally would because avoiding it and pretending everything is okay is consuming so much mental energy.
As a result, in contrast to point 1, you may find you’re spending more time in bed or otherwise horizontal, either sleeping or trying to zone out. The thing you are trying to avoid is becoming so unbearable that you try to escape it by any means possible.
When you are awake, it may seem like you’re incapable of feeling joy anymore and are just going through the motions of your daily life.
As such, you’re essentially plodding your way through your days, enduring them until such time as you can collapse into the blessed relief of temporary unconsciousness once again.
Final thoughts…
Whatever it is you need to face, please know that you don’t have to do it alone. Talk to trusted friends, family members, healthcare providers, and therapists for support as well as recommendations about where to go from here.
Remember that even if a situation can’t be completely fixed or undone, it can almost always be faced, managed, and worked through more effectively than if it continues to be avoided.
