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Speak to an accredited and experienced therapist to help you overcome your fear of beautiful women. Simply click here to connect with one via BetterHelp.com.
It’s not uncommon for men to start feeling anxious and self-conscious around a beautiful woman, especially if they find her attractive.
However, this anxiety can grow to the point where it requires professional help.
Venustraphobia is an irrational fear of beautiful women that anyone can suffer from, even children and homosexuals, but it’s most commonly a problem that straight men face.
The word venustraphobia comes from the name of the goddess of beauty, Venus, and Phobos, the Greek god of fear. If you get a panic attack when you think about meeting or talking to a beautiful woman, you’re probably struggling with venustraphobia.
Most often, fear of beautiful women occurs as a result of past trauma or low self-esteem. If there has been a beautiful woman in your past that treated you badly, it might be why you now associate that feeling with all the beautiful women you see.
You could also think that you’re unworthy of being with such a woman. On the other hand, maybe you’re so competitive that it’s the reason why you see these women as a threat. The reason could also be genetic inheritance or excessive stress that results in social anxiety.
So, now that you know why you feel this way, what should you do about it?
There are ways to overcome this and gain the courage to approach any woman you like.
Start by following the advice in this article, and it might be enough to do the trick! However, keep in mind that your condition may require therapy, and there’s nothing wrong with asking for help. It’s bad to be aware of the problem and just ignore it.
When you try to fix your problem, whether it’s on your own or with the help of a therapist, it’s always a good thing. So, start by using the following tips and get additional help if you need it.
1. Think about your positive traits.
Can you name ten things that are great about you? Are you sure? Try to. Write down all the reasons why you’re a great catch. Think about your positive traits and focus on them for a while. Then, make sure to remember all these great things the next time you assume that your approach won’t be welcomed.
Maybe you make the best coffee, you have a beautiful smile, or you have great taste in music. Whatever it is, write it down. Feel free to write fifty things if you can name them, not just ten.
While you’re searching for your positive traits, you’ll probably think of some negative things as well. That’s okay. Think of them as areas that you can improve upon. There are few things in life that can’t be improved with effort and persistence.
So, use this as an opportunity to write down your goals. For instance, maybe you’re a shy person, but you could learn to improve your communication skills or take an improv class to build confidence. Maybe you’re a bit overweight, but that’s nothing a healthy diet and persistent exercise can’t fix.
Use this approach for every negative trait that you think of, and take self-improvement seriously.
2. Think about what you could offer.
Maybe you feel like a beautiful woman wants to be with a handsome man, and you don’t consider yourself attractive. Before concluding something like this, dedicate some time to self-improvement and taking care of your appearance.
If you care about the way you look, you will definitely look better, but more on that later. Let’s say that you can’t compare to a certain woman’s beauty; well, what else do you have to offer? Does the beautiful woman have anything to offer other than her looks?
For instance, maybe you are intelligent and successful at what you do. Maybe you can make a woman laugh and offer her lasting memories. Don’t assume that she has more to offer purely because of the way she looks. Remind yourself that she is a human being with flaws just like you are.
You might instead assume that just because a woman is beautiful, she is intelligent, successful, the whole package… But do you know these things for sure or are you exaggerating her beauty and focusing too much on the outside? Even if she was the real deal and had all those positive traits, remember yours. Consider the things that would make you a great boyfriend to a beautiful woman.
3. Don’t think about the worst-case scenario.
When you’re supposed to talk to a beautiful woman, you instantly imagine her rejecting you in a brutal and humiliating way in front of everyone around you. Maybe you imagine the worst-case scenario whenever you see a beautiful woman, even if you don’t dare to approach her.
Instead, think about the best thing that could happen. The odds of the worst outcome are pretty much the same as the odds of the best thing occurring. The beautiful woman that you don’t know might turn out to be your girlfriend one day. She might even turn out to be your wife. That’s just as likely to happen as her rejecting you, and you don’t know the outcome until you approach her.
Whenever your mind makes you imagine the worst-case scenario, make it imagine the best possible outcome instead. You might assume that these things aren’t equally likely to happen because you get rejected more often than you get a positive response.
But dating is just a numbers game, and you’ll learn more about that later. Remember that all men get rejected at one time or another, and it only takes one yes for you to be off the market for months, years, or even forever.
4. Realize that men are expected to approach women.
A lot of gender roles don’t exist anymore, but there are some things that men are still expected to do more frequently than women.
Most likely, no hot women have approached you, so why would you approach them? Well, have any hot women approached any of your male friends lately? No? You wanna know why?
Because women don’t usually make the first move, especially beautiful women. Even when they do, they would prefer the guy to approach them instead.
But they get hit on constantly, right? You’d be surprised. You’re not the only man who’s afraid of approaching a beautiful woman. Most likely, she doesn’t get hit on as much as you think. She also expects a man to approach her, even if it doesn’t happen that often.
So, you’re just doing what’s expected of you as a man. Whether she’ll go along with it or reject you is a matter of connection and chemistry. And you’ll never know whether you can have that unless you make the first move.
5. Be okay with not being everyone’s cup of tea.
But what if she rejects you? It’s perfectly normal to want everyone to like you, but it’s also unrealistic to expect that. Learn to be okay with not being everyone’s cup of tea.
Also, you shouldn’t view approaching a woman as an attempt to pick her up that can get either rejected or accepted. It doesn’t work that way anyway. Do you even know whether you would like her as a person?
When you approach a woman, you want to explore whether there could be chemistry and a connection. This doesn’t depend solely on the way she views you, it depends on what you learn about her too. It doesn’t depend on the way she looks either, but more on that soon.
Realize that not everyone can like you, and that’s okay. You only need one person to like you anyway. When a woman rejects you, don’t take it personally. Maybe you’re not her type, and that’s all there is to it. Different people are attracted to different things.
So, while she might not like something about you, another woman will love you because of it. Don’t think that the same things apply to all beautiful women. They want different things, just like anyone else, so avoid generalization and stereotypes.
6. Check whether there’s a connection or not.
Don’t be desperate to make things work with a woman just because she is beautiful. Your standards should be much higher than that. If she is rude to you after you approach her, that’s not a rejection, there’s no chemistry, and she’s not the person you’d want to date anyway. It’s as simple as that.
You might be giving too much importance to looks. Yes, looks matter, but only to a certain extent, and they’re certainly not enough to have chemistry and a connection.
When you approach a woman, do it to see whether there’s a connection or not, not to have her accept or reject your dating proposal. Don’t fall in love with her just because she’s beautiful.
Wait to learn more about her before you decide whether you want to accept or reject her. Yes, it works both ways, even if you’re the one who approaches her. You showed an interest in learning more about her, that’s all. You didn’t confess your love to her, and she didn’t break your heart, so don’t see it that way.
7. See it as a numbers game.
If you approached fifteen beautiful women and the fifteenth woman turned out to be the love of your life, would you really care if the first fourteen rejected you? Probably not. After all, if any of the first fourteen women accepted you, you wouldn’t meet your true love.
So, realize that it’s a numbers game. If you knew that you’d end up with one of the fifteen women, would you mind approaching all fifteen of them to find out which one she is? Well, see it that way.
Remember, it only takes one woman to like you back, so what if some of them don’t? Who cares, you just keep trying until you get to the one that you’ll end up with. After all, she’ll be worth it, and you’ll forget about the women who rejected you as soon as you hook up with her.
8. Realize that you’re just strangers.
People don’t care that much about strangers. If you get rejected in public, people aren’t going to stare at you, point fingers, and laugh. They might look at you for a second, and then they’ll go back to their lives because your conversation doesn’t concern them,
Keep in mind that you’re also a stranger to the woman who rejects you. She doesn’t know you, so don’t take it personally. You’re just a stranger to her, and she isn’t aware of what makes you special.
More importantly, she’s a stranger to you too, so don’t assume that she’s special either. You’re just two strangers who might hit it off or go their separate ways depending on the chemistry between them.
The people who are around you are just strangers who don’t care about what’s going on between the two of you. So, don’t build things up in your head when it will only make you more afraid. People hit on each other and get rejected all the time, there’s nothing special about it.
9. Look for more than beauty.
What is beauty to you? Why are you so focused on it? Would you give a chance to a woman that you don’t consider beautiful? Are you looking for a trophy wife or to show off your beautiful woman so that others will think more highly of you?
You only need to answer these questions to yourself, so make sure to be honest. Realize that you should look for more than beauty in a woman.
Take a second to imagine your ideal partner. Write down their characteristics. You can write things related to their physical appearance, but make sure that there are more things related to what kind of person they are.
Focus on describing what your ideal woman is like on the inside. Consider your dealbreakers too. Writing these things down will help you identify your standards. So, stick to them. Search for the person that you described, not just someone who looks like them.
10. Work on your self-esteem.
The best way to fight the fear of women is to work on improving your self-esteem, since this is often the cause.
Learn to love yourself and treat yourself the same way you would treat your best friend or a loved one. Work on adopting a positive attitude and try journaling to become more aware of your thoughts. Set some time aside just to be alone and enjoy your own company. This could mean listening to music, meditating, or simply relaxing.
One of the best ways to increase self-esteem is to find your purpose and be accomplished. What do you love to do, and what are you good at doing? Do you have hobbies that make you feel fulfilled and accomplished?
Learn new skills and don’t hesitate to try new things too. Work on self-improvement and become the best possible version of yourself. This is the surest way to become more confident when talking to beautiful women so you can overcome venustraphobia.
11. Set and achieve goals.
Achieving a goal comes with a huge ego boost. So, increase your self-esteem by setting rational, achievable short-term goals. Anything can be your goal, but make sure that it’s a progress goal, not an outcome goal. This means defining the steps that you’ll take to achieve your goal. So, instead of setting a goal to “lose weight” you’ll set a goal to “Avoid sugar and exercise at the gym for one hour three times a week.”
Kill two birds with one stone and set goals related to self-improvement. As already mentioned, there’s not much that can’t be improved with some effort and persistence.
So, set short-term goals related to self-improvement and achieve them one by one. These successes will make you feel more confident. In addition, you’ll be more motivated to achieve your long-term goals once you’re addicted to the feeling. Try to make at least one of your goals about becoming successful at something that you enjoy doing.
12. Don’t engage in negative self-talk.
Talk about yourself the way you would talk about someone you love, whether you’re talking to others or to yourself. Don’t engage in negative self-talk as it harms your self-esteem. Remind yourself of your positive qualities and challenge negative thoughts when they occur.
You’ll notice that most of the time, you can turn a negative thought into a positive one simply by adding “but” or “and.” That is how “I am overweight” turns into “I am overweight, but I’ve started a diet, and I’ve joined a gym.” The same way “I’m too shy” turns into “I’m too shy, and this is something I can work on when I join an improv class.”
Besides adding “but” or “and” to your negative thoughts, you can challenge them simply by looking for proof. Most of the time, negative thoughts don’t come from an objective, realistic point of view. So, when you think that you’re unlovable, simply thinking about all the people who have loved you throughout your life proves that you’re wrong. When you can’t challenge a negative thought, see if you can give it a positive spin by adding “but” or “and.”
13. Exercise and take care of your appearance.
Obviously, beauty is very important to you, but do you work on your own physical appearance? Turn your focus on beauty into something positive by dedicating more time to taking care of your appearance. Make sure that you’re always clean and that you smell great, but don’t stop at that just because you’re a guy.
Invest in clothes that highlight your positive features and hide your imperfections. Dress to impress, and it will boost your confidence too. Wear fragrant cologne and pick a hairstyle that looks good on you. Take care of your beard if you have one, and don’t forget to look after your teeth as well.
If you’re not happy with your body the way it is now, hit the gym and start exercising! Simply trying to get into shape will boost your confidence; imagine how great it will feel when you have the body that you want to have.
Most beautiful women are beautiful because they dedicate a lot of time and effort to taking care of their physical appearance. No, they probably don’t wake up looking like that. So, if you want to be a better match for them, don’t look like you’ve just got out of bed either.
14. Expose yourself to your fears.
Exposure leads to desensitization, so be ready to face your fears until you’re no longer afraid. Prepare yourself for talking to beautiful women by practicing and memorizing what you’re going to say. This can help give you a small confidence boost and make you feel safer once you’re actually talking to the woman.
Talk to beautiful women as often as possible. You don’t have to court them in order to talk to them, you don’t even have to be interested in dating them. Simply practice being comfortable standing around a beautiful woman and having a pleasant conversation with her.
Don’t expect this to work right away. If it doesn’t work at all, consider getting a therapist to help you since desensitization can be done in other ways. In addition, they could help you persist in your efforts to become comfortable around beautiful women. They can also suggest more ways to become more confident.
15. Ask yourself “what if” before it’s too late.
What if you managed to gather the courage to talk to that girl? What if she was interested in you too? You probably torture yourself with questions like these once the girl is gone and you did nothing but observe her. So, start asking these questions before it’s too late.
While you’re still looking at her, ask yourself the same questions. What if you manage to ask her out? What if she says yes? What if she turns out to be the love of your life? This should help you gather the courage to approach her and talk to her.
What’s the worst thing that could happen? If it turns out that she’s not interested, at least you’ll know, so you won’t have to wonder and regret not approaching her.
Put yourself in situations like these, even if you do end up getting rejected. Learn to be fine with whichever outcome happens. The important thing is that you’re practicing and becoming more confident around pretty women.
16. Use cognitive behavior therapy.
Cognitive behavior therapy (CBT) is a great way to overcome phobias. Fears like venustraphobia come from false beliefs. These beliefs make you overestimate the potential threat. The risk of approaching a pretty woman is not as huge as your mind makes you believe.
You can use cognitive behavior therapy to identify and counter your false beliefs as well as learn a few panic control strategies. This is a type of therapy that will help you change your negative thought patterns and beat your fear of pretty women.
How should you actually use cognitive behavior therapy? Well, it would be best to talk about it with a licensed professional. Find a therapist who has experience with using cognitive behavior therapy to help patients combat their fears. However, don’t assume that CBT is the right way to go for you without talking to a professional about it.
17. Talk to a therapist.
CBT is only one of the possible therapies that you could receive to combat your fear of pretty women. Even if you don’t have venustraphopia, and you’re just a bit shy, a therapist can help you improve your self-esteem and combat your anxiety. You can become confident enough to talk to attractive women.
Don’t let your fear stop you from dating the person that you’re attracted to. You can be with a beautiful woman, and the only thing that’s standing in your way is your fear. Let a therapist help you beat that fear and date whoever you want, regardless of how beautiful they are.
A good place to get professional help is the website BetterHelp.com – here, you’ll be able to connect with a therapist via phone, video, or instant message.
While you may try to work through this yourself, it may be a bigger issue than self-help can address. And if it is affecting your mental well-being, relationships, or life in general, it is a significant thing that needs to be resolved.
Too many people try to muddle through and do their best to overcome issues that they never really get to grips with. If it’s at all possible in your circumstances, therapy is 100% the best way forward.
Click here if you’d like to learn more about the service BetterHelp.com provide and the process of getting started.
You’ve already taken the first step just by searching for and reading this article. The worst thing you can do right now is nothing. The best thing is to speak to a therapist. The next best thing is to implement everything you’ve learned in this article by yourself. The choice is yours.
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