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All men are the same.
It’s something I’m certain you’ve heard said many times before.
They’re all unreliable, disappointing, and fickle.
So why bother with them at all?
More importantly, why are they all the same? Why do all men hurt you and break your trust?
You meet a new guy who you think could be different, you get those butterflies…but alas, he turns out to be just the same as all your exes before.
So, what do you do if every guy you meet is just like the last one, and you’ve given up believing there are any men out there who can restore your faith in their sex?
Simple: You stop choosing the wrong guys.
Whatever you might be thinking, not all men are the same. Just as you are your own person, so is every guy out there, and it’s up to you to avoid getting caught in the trap of falling for the wrong type.
Yes, some men might let you down or behave badly, but when you can spot the red flags, you know how to avoid these men. And when you know how to tell a genuine guy when you meet one, true love could become your reality.
If you’ve given up hope of finding any man who isn’t exactly like those you’ve dated before, keep on reading to help bust some common myths and learn why all men are NOT the same.
Myth #1: They just want to use you and dump you.
No, not every man just wants to sleep with you.
You might have dated some men who didn’t know how to communicate with you well enough to say that they didn’t see your relationship going anywhere. They probably chose the easier route and ghosted you.
Some men you’ve dated might have really liked you, but they weren’t looking for a serious long-term relationship. There are others who lived up to the stereotype and led you to believe they wanted more just to get you into bed.
The reality is, not all men only want to stay with you as long as they can get you into bed. Some do, but you can spot them from their overly physical, sexual, and flirtatious personality and the way they try to move your date along quickly so they can get back to your apartment.
If you are looking for more than a bit of fun, then take your time getting to know someone. Find out if they will put in the effort to see you and actually want to get to know you rather than just flirt.
There are guys out there just like you who are looking for something more, who will actually communicate with you and won’t push you to make your relationship physical before either of you are ready.
You might have great sexual chemistry with someone, but if that’s all you have, then it’s going to burn out quickly. Hold out, make your choices carefully, and wait for someone who is happy to wait for you.
Myth #2: Men never show any emotion.
Men may not always know how to show their emotions, but that doesn’t mean they’re emotionless.
Some men feel under pressure not to show their emotions because it makes them feel vulnerable or weak when they do. It doesn’t mean they don’t care or feel less deeply, they just don’t feel comfortable talking about their feelings and showing them as openly as you do.
If you know that you need a partner who is in touch with their emotions and will communicate openly, then you need to pick that kind of guy. If you find someone who rarely asks about how you’re feeling, never tells you how they are, or generally doesn’t communicate much at all, then they’re probably not the right partner for you.
Some men may not know how to communicate their emotions, which can make them seem like a brick wall when it comes to self-expression. But not all men have this problem. You might sometimes have to encourage it and help someone feel comfortable enough to open up to you emotionally, but they will when they feel ready.
Myth #3: You can never trust a man.
You should always be careful about trusting too easily and getting your heart broken. But, equally, a good relationship is built on trust, so you must believe in it if you want to make a relationship work.
If a man is untrustworthy, you’ll be able to see the signs. Think about if he meets you at the time and place you’ve planned, or does he always change his mind and cancel plans at the last minute?
Does he keep in contact with you when you’re not together? Has he ever introduced you to his friends and family? Does he flirt with other women when you’re out together and tell you you’re imagining it? Is he reluctant to put a label on your relationship and be exclusive?
These are just a few examples of behavior that should get the alarm bells ringing in your head. Stop making excuses for men who let you down. It’s not that every man is untrustworthy, it’s that you keep giving the untrustworthy guys your time because you’re ignoring all the red flags.
Learn from heartbreak rather than letting it make you bitter toward the potential of finding someone new. You may have been let down by one, or even a few guys, but there’s always one out there who will show you that you were right to believe in happily ever after.
Myth #4: They always think they’re right.
Men aren’t always right, and neither is everyone else.
In a relationship, you must both be willing to listen to each other, even if you have differing opinions. It doesn’t matter if you always agree or not, but you should show each other respect by taking on board your partner’s opinions and recognizing their feelings.
No, men aren’t always right, even though some of them might think they are. If you’ve been unlucky enough to have only had experiences with men who think their opinion counts for more than yours, then here are some character traits to look out for and avoid.
Does he always talk over you when you’re speaking? Does he dismiss your ideas in favor of his or patronize you over any suggestions you make? If he does, he’s not giving you the respect of being heard and treating you as his equal. He’s not letting you have a voice.
If he dismisses your opinion by telling you you’re “wrong,” then he’s not open to considering different perspectives. You don’t always have to convince your partner to think the same way as you, and you might even be surprised by considering life from a different perspective.
But, similarly, you should aim to find a man who is willing to see life through your eyes and listen to what you have to say. This type of guy could be your Mr. Right.
Myth #5: Men never commit.
Is it that men never commit, or are you just always going for the wrong type of man?
You must learn to differentiate between men who aren’t ready to commit and those who are relationship material.
If he’s hot for you one minute and not messaging you back the next, he’s clearly not that interested in you. This type of guy isn’t going to want to commit to a relationship.
If they barely give you any time and attention at the beginning of your dating life when everything is new and exciting, then it’s only going to get worse. That can be hard to accept when you really want it to work out with someone and they just aren’t as into you as you want them to be. But, it’s better to read the signs and cut your losses early on rather than hoping they’ll change and being left disappointed.
Myth #6: All men cheat.
You might have had a personal experience with infidelity or witnessed a man being unfaithful. But don’t judge every new relationship by the mistakes of someone else.
If you want a relationship to work, then you have to give people a chance. Has your new man ever given you reason not to trust him? Or are you expecting him to hurt you just because you’ve seen it happen before?
If you keep punishing every new man you meet for the mistakes of a person in your past, your relationship won’t get very far. You’re expecting your relationship to fail before you’ve even given this new partner a chance to prove to you that not all men are as bad as they seem.
If you’ve been cheated on, you may be more sensitive to triggers and find it difficult to trust as openly as you once did. But try to remain rational and think about whether you have any real reason for not trusting someone or if you’re ruining your future by living in the past.
Myth #7: All men will ghost you eventually.
Dating can be full of disappointments, and there’s nothing worse than a guy you like ghosting you when you think it’s going somewhere.
Ghosting can happen out of the blue and, as hard as it is to not take it personally when someone disappears on you, it’s definitely more of a “them” issue than a “you” issue.
You may not have been on the same page about where your relationship was heading, but you deserve more than just being left on “Read.”
If a guy has ghosted you, it’s more likely because he’s not mature enough to be able to face the situation with respect, compassion, and the honesty you deserve. He’s choosing the easy way out of the situation for himself, with no regard for your feelings.
Even if you wanted things to end up differently, be thankful that this person has shown his true colors now before he disappointed you even more later down the line.
Sadly, ghosting is common in the dating world. With dating apps making it so easy to meet new people every day, for those men who struggle with the idea of commitment, it can be even harder to focus on just one person when you’re surrounded by temptation.
It doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you. You just need to start asking yourself the following questions: How serious does this guy seem about a relationship? Does he date a lot? Is he putting in the effort to get to know me, or does he just seem to be out for a good time?
You won’t always be able to tell if something is going to work out or not, but you shouldn’t dismiss all men for the sake of a few who were too immature to treat you respectfully.
There are men out there who have been ghosted just like you, who could be looking for a relationship in the same way, you just need to choose carefully to find them.
Myth #8: Men are always full of themselves.
Just because a man comes across as confident and untouchable, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t have insecurities too. In fact, the louder and more arrogant a guy is, the more insecurities he might be trying to cover by faking his self-belief.
Men have just as much pressure to look good and be successful as anyone else. They may want to be tall with a six pack, a great job, and an even better jawline, but it might not be on the cards for them.
Men and women come in all shapes and sizes and from all walks of life, and as much as we celebrate each other’s individualism, it can be hard not to feel the pressure of expectation to look or be a certain way.
Just as much as you wouldn’t want to be judged against one standard of woman, try not to be hypocritical and do the same to the men you meet.
Some men might find dating intimidating if they don’t have a natural charisma that makes it easy for them to flirt or start conversations. Having the confidence to ask a girl out and organize a great date could feel overwhelming, so they either don’t try or they overcompensate by coming across as arrogant to cover how they really feel. Rejection stings, and it can hurt a guy just as much as a girl if they get dumped or turned down.
Try to be kind when you’re approached by a guy, and see the situation from their perspective. Some men just won’t be your type. They may still need to learn how to approach a woman respectfully, and if that’s the case, then they aren’t for you. But if you are interested in a guy, try to get to know them rather than judging their appearance, because there could be more to them than you think.
Myth #9: They always go for the same type of girl.
If you think this, then you need to stop generalizing so much. How do you know all men like just one type of woman?
Is it because you have a friend who gets a lot of attention? Is it because you put a woman with a certain type of look on a pedestal and consider yourself something less than that? Or do you keep going for the same type of guy who always seems to want the same type of girl and now you think that’s how it is for everyone?
You need to start valuing more about yourself and what you have to offer in a relationship. So what if you don’t look or act a certain way? There are guys of every type out there in the world, and what’s attractive to one person won’t be so attractive to another—maybe you just haven’t met the right person for you yet.
Think about the type of people you’re spending your time with—are they all of a certain background or into the same things? If you have different tastes to them and want a partner who values something else, then maybe you need to increase your social circle. Try going to clubs or groups where you’re more likely to meet likeminded people. There’s someone out there for everyone, you just need to put yourself in the best position to find the person for you.
Myth #10: All men are the same.
Are all men the same? Or are you just going for the same type of man every time?
It’s impossible to say that all men are the same. If it seems that way to you, then it sounds like you’re caught in a trap of falling for men who all show the same characteristics. You need to break the pattern.
If you find that you keep ending up with the same type of guys—maybe ones who cheat on you, are too controlling and jealous, or are just unreliable and never seem to commit—it doesn’t mean that every man out there is going to do the same. It means you’re attracted to a type.
Without realizing it, you could be replicating the type of male influence you had growing up. Or maybe you believe in fairytales and you continue to try to turn a bad boy good, just like in the movies.
If you don’t want to keep ending up with men who disappoint you and don’t treat you the way you want to be treated in a relationship, then you need to start addressing what you value in a partner.
Don’t repeat the same mistakes of past relationships and keep excusing men of their bad habits when you know you’ve been down this road before. If you see a red flag with a new partner, act on it. Don’t ignore it and hope that things will be different this time, because inevitably they won’t.
Try giving a guy a chance who isn’t your usual “type.” Spend your time with men who actually message you back or take the initiative in organizing dates rather than making you work for their affection. Choose men who seem thoughtful and actually want to get to know you.
By changing what you look for in a partner, you may suddenly start to see that not all men are as similar as you once thought. Try to stop judging men by the same standards you have so far, and focus on more meaningful qualities that you’d want in a long-term partner.
Men, just like women, deserve to be treated as individuals and not lumped together in one stereotype. You wouldn’t want to be classed as the same as every other woman, so why do the same to every man?
No one is immune to disappointing men. Unfortunately, there are still some who do live up to the worst stereotypes of their gender, but don’t let every guy you meet be tarnished because of them.
Use your past experiences to choose your next dates wisely and embrace your love life with an open mind. When you know how to spot a red flag and you refrain from picking the wrong type of guy, possibilities might start opening up for you and your new relationships.
Still convinced that all men are the same?
We really recommend you speak about it to an experienced relationship expert rather than a friend or family member. Why? Because they are trained to help people in situations like yours. They can listen to you, help you rationalize your thoughts and experiences, and challenge your perception that all guys will treat you the same.
A good place to get help is the website Relationship Hero – here, you’ll be able to connect with a relationship counselor via phone, video, or instant message.
While you can try to work through this situation yourself, it may be a bigger issue than self-help can fix. And if it is affecting your relationship and mental well-being, it is a significant thing that needs to be resolved.
Too many people try to muddle through and do their best to solve problems that they never really get to grips with. If it’s at all possible in your circumstances, speaking to a relationship expert is 100% the best way forward.
Click here if you’d like to learn more about the service Relationship Hero provide and the process of getting started.
You’ve already taken the first step just by searching for and reading this article. The worst thing you can do right now is nothing. The best thing is to speak to an expert. The next best thing is to implement everything you’ve learned in this article by yourself. The choice is yours.
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- How To Stop Repeating Unhealthy Relationship Patterns