12 Reasons Why It’s Hard To Find A Good Man (+ How To Meet One)

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Been single for a while? Finding it hard to meet a genuinely nice guy?

You’re not alone.

In today’s swipe-culture, it’s so hard to find a good guy that you actually want to be with – and who feels the same way.

It’s not that your standards are too high or you’re too fussy, trust us! It’s just getting harder to find someone lovely who you can truly see yourself with.

There are a number of reasons for this which we’ll go into, and, before you give up completely, we’ll throw in some advice on how to actually meet a good guy…

1. You don’t really know what you want.

It’s hard to find a nice guy to date when you’re not sure what you’re really looking for.

You meet nice people but they’re never quite what you’re after. But, in truth, you don’t know what you are after, so every guy fails to make the grade.

This is pretty normal, but it can make dating stressful and can often make you overlook really lovely guys by accident.

Think about what matters to you and what values you hold; think about hobbies you’d like to share with a man and go from there. 

2. You’re too hung up on looks.

You might be a bit shallow, but, let’s be honest, most of us are!

We live in such a visual world and spend our days looking at photos – on Tinder, Instagram, Facebook – so it’s no wonder that we make snap decisions based on looks.

We know within about .2 seconds if we fancy someone based on their looks. We forget that it might be a bad angle, their other photos might be better, or they might just not look great in photos but be super hot in real life.

It’s easy to make quick decisions based on someone’s looks, but it does make it hard to find a good guy and actually get to know people. 

3. Dating apps are ruining dating.

Dating should be about excitement, flirting, and getting to know someone.

But when you’re on dating apps, things either move way too slowly and you chat for weeks before eventually meeting for an awkward drink…

…or things move way too fast and you get attached to the idea of your date rather than who they actually are in real life.

What’s more, messaging never really gets things across accurately – you might think they’re rude but they think they’re being funny and sarcastic.

Or they might think you’re flirting but you’re then surprised when you get an overly-sexual reply to what you thought was an innocent emoji!

Things can easily get misinterpreted over dating apps and the actual fun and excitement of real dating is fading.

4. There are too many options for everyone.

The whole ‘grass is greener’ attitude applies to dating more these days than ever before.

We can literally find a date for tomorrow by swiping on our phone while we’re on today’s date, how weird is that?!

We have constant access to so many options that it’s hard to settle down and just commit to one person.

This makes it hard to find a decent guy because either you’ll be wondering if you’ll find a better one on Tinder, or they’ll be thinking about all the other girls they matched with in the 5 minutes you left them alone with their phone on the date! 

5. It’s too easy to be casual.

Commitment can be tricky for a lot of people, but it’s even harder when we’re presented with endless options for hookups.

While Tinder claims to be a dating app, a lot of people use it for casual sex or short-term dating.

This is fine, but it does mean that you’ll probably have an ever harder time finding a great guy who wants to settle down and give the whole relationship thing a go! 

6. Men are more intimidated by you.

These days, women have more power than ever before. You’ve got a great job, a higher salary than him, a fantastic group of friends – and you don’t need him.

To some men, that’s scary. They’re used to dating women who are a bit clingy maybe, or less self-assured than you are.

They’re intimidated by you and not really sure how to ‘handle’ you, which means they’re less likely to want to commit to you and might even struggle with a bruised ego. 

7. People have more boundaries – and baggage.

At this point in our lives, most of us have been in a relationship or two. We’ve been rejected, we’ve been through breakups, we’ve been hurt.

Finding a good guy who doesn’t let all of that hold him back is hard!

Many men put their guard up as a way of protecting themselves from being hurt. That can make it really hard to get to know them and form a genuine connection.

Equally, a lot of men carry emotional baggage that can make dating more difficult. They might be divorced or have a child with someone else – they’ve done a lot in their lives by the time you meet them and you might not be prepared to take it all on. 

8. There’s less accountability.

Hands up if you’ve been ghosted! These days, ghosting has somehow become acceptable. It’s a horrible way to treat someone, but people are doing it more and more.

What happened to a mature conversation or letting someone down gently?

If you’ve ever been chatting to a guy or seeing someone, only to have them suddenly disappear, you’re not alone.

Some men just love the fact that they’re not accountable for their actions – because we live in such a virtual world in many ways, they forget that you’re a real person with real feelings.

It’s so much easier to just delete or block someone online – and it makes it harder to find a decent guy who genuinely wants to invest in getting to know you.

9. You’re accidentally self-sabotaging.

This is such a frustrating thing to realize about yourself, but it’s also good to be aware that you’re doing it.

Like we said, a lot of us have our guards up and fear rejection. You might be accidentally pushing someone away as a form of self-defense.

If you’re worried about being hurt, you might start acting out, pulling away, or just giving off the wrong impression by accident.

You’re trying to protect yourself from getting hurt, but you don’t realize you’re doing it.

However great a guy is, these mixed messages can get very confusing and you might just push them away for good. 

10. You’re too true to type.

We’ve all got a bit of a type, but you shouldn’t let this completely determine who you date.

After all, it hasn’t worked with any of them so far, right?

It’s worth trying something new! Go on a date with someone who you might not normally be interested in.

As long as they tick all the crucial boxes (your deal-breakers), it’s okay if they’re not super into yoga and brunch, or if they don’t have tattoos even though all your exes had tattoos.

You’ll probably be pretty pleasantly surprised! 

11. You’re giving off desperate vibes.

It’s so hard to find a balance when it comes to dating. You’re keen to go on dates, you’re open to meeting new people, and you really, really, want to find a nice guy!

From the outside, it can sometimes look like you’re a bit… desperate!

What you do in your private life is fine, but if you’re on a date, talking about all the other dates you’ve recently been on, even a lovely guy might get the wrong idea. 

12. Your expectations are unrealistic.

While it’s important to keep your standards high, try to stay realistic.

Zac Efron is gorgeous and you’re definitely worth his time, but it’s probably not going to happen.

Equally, you’re never going to find the ‘perfect’ man!

And, by holding out for him, you’re accidentally ignoring loads of amazing guys who might not be perfect but are still pretty amazing people who you’d probably really like.

It’s hard to stay realistic, especially if you’re always comparing your life or partner to what you see on Instagram, but it’s important. Otherwise, you will never be happy. 

So, how do you actually meet guys these days?

If you’re fed up with dating-app fails, don’t worry! There are other options.

Asking a friend to set you up with someone is a great idea – they know you both and they’ll be able to tell how compatible you are.

They also know you both in real life for who you really are, not just the ‘perfect’ online alter-ego that guys on Tinder will see. 

If you love yoga, try heading to a new class. If you meet anyone there, you’ll know that they also love yoga and you’ll have something genuine to bond over. If you don’t meet anyone, at least you tried something new!

Hobbies are a great way to meet new people – you’ll have fun anyway, so you’re not losing out if you don’t meet a guy.

You’ll also get to meet someone in your natural environments. It’s great to meet someone when they’re just chilled out and being themselves, as it gives you a more accurate insight into what they are like as a person, not just how they present themselves on social media. 

Rather than dating apps, consider creating an online dating profile. No, it’s not just for old people! There are some great sites that take a lot of information to ensure they match you with someone genuinely compatible.

It’s reassuring to know that any profiles you’re shown have been pre-screened in a way that simply doesn’t happen on dating apps. It also saves you a whole heap of admin, as there’s someone else (or at least an algorithm) finding matches for you! 

Try not to lose hope when it comes to dating. It’s hard to find a good guy, but you will!

He’s out there, you just need to focus on what you want, be realistic about your expectations, and keep going.

You’ll find your Prince Charming soon enough…

Still need help and advice to find a great guy to share your life with? Chat online to a relationship expert from Relationship Hero who can help you figure things out. Simply click here to chat.

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About Author

Lucy is a travel and wellness writer currently based in Gili Air, a tiny Indonesian island. After over a year of traveling, she’s settled in paradise and spends her days wandering around barefoot, practicing yoga and exploring new ways to work on her wellbeing.