It’s a horrible feeling to realize that someone doesn’t truly value your time. Regardless of whether this person is a friend, colleague, or partner, showing you disrespect and acting as though you exist on their schedule can be tremendously hurtful and may even damage your relationship irreparably. In contrast, when someone shows you how much they value your time, you realize that this person truly sees you and honors you accordingly.
Watch out for the 8 behaviors listed below, as they’ll show you the difference between your time being valued and it being taken for granted.
1. They arrive on time.
This is one of the cornerstones of respectful behavior, which is why it’s at the top of this list.
Few things signal disrespect and selfishness like being late for an appointment with someone. This goes beyond being prompt for things like job interviews in order to make a good impression: it’s also important to show up on time for friends, family members, and anyone else we care about.
According to Bustle, punctuality is a huge indicator that someone respects your time. It shows that they care enough about you to show you courtesy and that they want you to realize that you’re a priority in their life.
That said, timekeeping can definitely be more difficult for some than others. People with ADHD, in particular, can struggle with it due to “time blindness.” They are not being intentionally disrespectful, it’s just how their brain is wired. However, there are plenty of strategies ADHD-ers can utilize to assist with this, according to ADDitude magazine, and they will, if they truly value your time.
2. They’ll check first to see if you’re free instead of expecting you to be available.
One of the many things I truly appreciate about my partner is that he always checks in and asks me if I’m available to talk, rather than just barging in on whatever I’m doing and expecting me to drop everything to pay attention to him. To me, this is a mark of immense respect, as he never takes me for granted, nor does he behave as though I exist for him on demand.
This type of respectful behavior can be exhibited by anyone, and you can often tell which people in your social circles value your time rather than expecting it from you. For example, according to an etiquette expert, new phone courtesy rules dictate that it’s far more polite to text someone first before calling to see if they’re available, rather than intruding upon their time. If a person continually calls you without warning and gets upset with you for not answering, then they’re behaving from a position of selfishness, not respect.
3. They ask how much time you have available, so they don’t take up too much of it.
Have you ever had a friend ask you how long you’re available to chat on the phone so they “don’t take up too much of your time”? Or had a prospective partner ask how much time and energy you have available to spend with them so they don’t drain your social battery?
These are people who care about you and want to spend time with you, but not at a cost to your own well-being. Ultimately, their goal is to replenish your well rather than drain it for their own benefit, and that shows in their behavior toward you.
4. They recognize that you have other responsibilities and work around your schedule accordingly.
People who value your time communicate with you well in advance to make plans because they know you’re likely juggling several things at once. For example, if they’d like to host a party and would love you to attend, they’ll ask you to let them know your schedule so they can plan things when you’re free, rather than simply planning it and expecting you to show up.
Furthermore, depending on your responsibility workload, the people who are eager to spend time with you may offer to help you out in the hope of lightening your load while simultaneously getting the opportunity to hang out. It’s these small but significant behaviors that reveal just how much they value you and your time.
5. They compensate you fairly for your time.
You can tell how much someone values your time by how much they offer to compensate you for it. For example, if you’re working for a client who tries to milk as much work out of you for the least amount of money, you know you’re nothing more than a set of hands that they get to manipulate to do their bidding.
A person who values your time will ask you how long you think the project will take, will offer you fair compensation, and will agree to pay you extra if the work extends beyond the given deadline. In contrast, someone who just wants to use you will offer a pittance and expect you to work yourself half to death to earn it.
6. They keep plans with you.
Unless something truly horrible happens to them or their family en route to see you, a person who values your time will honor their commitments with you. If they promise to show up at a particular time to help you move, you can trust that they’ll be there — likely with pizza and beer in tow.
The same goes for if they promise to show up for your open mic guitar night, art show opening, poetry slam, or any other event that they know is important to you. Hell, even if it’s something as simple as a coffee during your lunch break, they’re likely to be early instead of just “on time,” so they don’t waste a single moment with you. Their respectful behaviour reflects how they feel about you.
Additionally, if something awful does occur that forces them to break their plans, they’ll let you know, apologize, and reschedule instead of just not showing up and thinking that’s okay.
7. They don’t just invite themselves into your space.
One of the best employers I ever had was immensely respectful towards all his employees. He showed us how much he valued our time by emailing us to ask when we would be available for a chat with him instead of demanding our time and attention whenever he wanted. We worked in an environment where concentration and deep immersion were the order of the day, and he knew how disruptive it could be to mental workflow if he simply showed up at someone’s desk or office door and interrupted whatever they were doing.
Those who simply drop by your home or office unannounced — even if you’ve asked them repeatedly not to — and expect to be indulged, are letting you know in no uncertain terms that their time and needs are far more important than your own. This kind of behavior speaks volumes about how they view you and your time. They’re unlikely to respect your other boundaries either, as they see you as less than themselves, and your time is theirs to spend as they see fit.
8. They put their phone away.
When this person spends time with you, they eliminate other distractions and give you their full attention. A perfect example of this kind of polite behavior is putting their phone away for the duration of the time they spend with you, rather than keeping their eyes glued to the screen, scrolling it regularly, and asking you to repeat yourself because they didn’t hear what you said the first time.
People like this show you what your time is worth. They don’t take it for granted by treating you badly because they want to make sure you know how much they respect you. The only circumstances that would cause them to keep their phone within reach and check it often is if there’s something serious going on that requires regular updates, such as having a partner or child in the hospital, or waiting for an important update about some test results, etc.
Final thoughts…
People who actually value your time are worth their weight in gold. They’ll never take you for granted, nor waste your time due to their own solipsism. Instead, they communicate clearly with you, keep their commitments, and show you via their actions just how much you mean to them. They’re also excellent role models to emulate: if the people in your life consistently show you that your time is valued and respected, be sure to reciprocate by showing them the same courtesy in kind.
