Humility is a Catch-22. On the one hand, you don’t want to be arrogant or tear anyone down. Right? Of course not! On the other hand, people don’t just know what kind of value you have to offer when you’re overly humble. As a result, unpretentious, humble people are often undervalued and underappreciated.
That is, at least until they learn that it’s okay to be a bit self-promotional. Because arrogance and confidence are not the same thing. That often can’t come without first realizing all the ways that they are being underestimated, though.
So, what are some ways that the world may undervalue and underestimate a humble person?
1. They don’t self-promote, so people think they have less to offer.
This is the core issue that most humble people will run into. Why? Well, because self-promotion is still necessary for people who want to avoid the spotlight.
Personally, I recall when I was in a traditional workplace that I ran into this problem myself. I never talked myself up, even though I had a few great ideas that customers would make compliments about. One year, I had a stroke of inspiration on how to lay out the flowers in our nursery by multi-tiering the tables, and it created a three-foot display of color when they were in bloom.
Customers, coworkers, and management all commented on how it looked great. But it was my coworker who was helping me out that said, “Hey, this was his idea. Not mine.” I didn’t try to take credit for it because I was still under the impression that to do so was arrogance, but it’s not.
What I eventually came to realize is that arrogance takes away from other people; self-confidence does not. You can have value and do good things without devaluing other people. In this case, my coworker made sure I got the credit I was due, and I made sure it was clear that he helped me do it. You can have a good idea or do a thing you’re proud of without devaluing others.
2. They tend to avoid status games, thus they don’t receive the rewards of playing the game.
Status games are annoying even at the best of times. It would be nice if you didn’t have to kiss anyone’s ass or play any stupid games to win prizes. But unfortunately, that’s just how it is in a lot of groups. It’s so difficult to escape them because of the nature of people.
A person who avoids those games and refuses to participate will not have the stress of dealing with them, but then they also don’t get the rewards.
The other issue is that in the workplace, there’s a big social game being played, even in fields where competency is mandatory. For example, engineers are notoriously difficult people to get along with socially. The field often attracts a lot of neurodivergent people, particularly those who are autistic, who thrive on predictability and structure.
However, many hiring managers and team leaders are going to tell you they would prefer to have a competent team player who can communicate well with the team than someone who is a master at their craft but who works best solo. Expertise doesn’t mean much if you can’t incorporate other people into your work. And that requires soft skills, and unfortunately, in a society geared toward neurotypical people, sometimes a bit of game playing.
3. They share credit instead of hogging it for themselves.
In group settings, the humble person’s contributions may not be as obvious as those of people who are more than happy to blow their own horn. My previous example from a past job encapsulates that behavior perfectly. I never would have brought up that it was my idea because I didn’t particularly view it as anything special.
All I thought was that the rows of tables looked bad and didn’t help sell the product. But the tables had adjustable legs on them, so I thought, “Alright, I’ll put a shorter row in front to show them all off.” That didn’t seem that special or remarkable to me, and I felt uncomfortable with the praise I received for it.
On the other hand, pretentious or arrogant people will never let you forget what they did. They may even take credit for things they didn’t do to reap the benefits. And unfortunately, they get a lot of attention because of it.
4. They are selective about when they assert themselves.
Not every humble person is a meek little mouse who is trying to avoid the spotlight out of discomfort. Some people just aren’t interested in the limelight. Unfortunately, that kind of approach can harm you in the workplace. It can be easy to confuse quiet with complacency or low self-worth.
The better approach is often in the middle. A humble person should assert themselves when it’s actually an important time to do that. They may not need credit for every little thing that they do, but they shouldn’t be silent when someone else is taking credit for their work or praise is being handed out. Because it’s unlikely that other people will know unless you make them aware.
5. They tend to listen more than they speak.
A humble person typically isn’t going out of their way to make themselves the center of attention. Instead, they may just sit back and let people go about their business around them. That doesn’t mean that every outwardly and easily social person is arrogant or malicious. There are just some people who can move more easily through social situations.
Sometimes, I wish I were one of them, but I’m not. Instead, I am the kind of person to sit back and watch the social butterflies flit from flower to flower with a smile and a “Hey! How are you doing!? It’s been so long…”
I see no great need to call much attention to myself or to speak needlessly. I won’t be shy about it if I have something to say or feel like I’m not getting due credit. However, the rest of the time? The rest of the time, I’ll just chill and sit back and let the world move around me.
6. They tend to prioritize substance over looks.
The humble aren’t necessarily looking to catch anyone’s eye. They tend to be confident people, so they are perfectly okay with others not understanding their vibe. However, that understanding can come when the humble person demonstrates what they’re actually about.
Maybe it’s the coworker who rarely speaks up, but when she does, everyone listens because she always has some unique insight. Maybe it’s the quiet friend who doesn’t do much to stand out, but when their moment arrives, they shine. They may not be interested in the newest or most shiny things out there because they are more concerned with the substance of it all.
Whatever their reasons, they go unnoticed because they aren’t making an effort to stand out, and there’s nothing wrong with that.
7. They don’t weaponize their confidence or competence.
Insecurity is loud. It’s extremely loud, because it needs everyone to pay attention to it. Even the smallest successes that most people would just take in their stride can turn into a massive matter of importance. Insecure people also tend to use their competence as a weapon by using it to discount other people.
For example, let’s say you’re in a work meeting. You pipe up with a bit of information, but an insecure person might express a contrary opinion. They then point at a recent success about that subject matter as a way to “prove” that they know better than you. That’s because they are insecure and unable to accept that other people can be as knowledgeable or competent.
Also, they may view competent people as a threat. There’s nothing worse than having an insecure manager at work because they undermine you at every turn. All you want to do is come in, do your job, and go home – but these people will make it difficult. They challenge other people regularly, not because there’s a problem, but because there is a glaring hole of insecurity in them.
Humble people simply don’t do that, which is no bad thing, but it does unfortunately mean they sometimes get overlooked by a society that confuses visibility with value.
Final thoughts…
Self-confidence is a powerful thing. However, self-confidence doesn’t roar; insecurity does. The loudest people tend to be the most insecure of all because they need people to pat them on the back. A humble person doesn’t need that, but they need to understand how to maneuver around these people in life. Otherwise, they will find that they lose opportunities to them.
There’s nothing wrong with taking fair and reasonable credit for your work instead of letting someone else steal the spotlight. Remember, arrogance is done at the expense of other people. Self-confidence and humility say, “I am good enough regardless of what other people do.”
