When you think of a classy man, who comes to mind? This may depend on your generation. Current generations may think of Pedro Pascal or Keanu Reeves, while those older than us might eye Paul Newman or Jeremy Irons. The thing about class is that it goes far beyond what people wear or which drinks they order. The nine behaviors listed below are put into regular practice by men who are considered classy, and are easy for just about everyone to adopt as well.
1. Speaking (and listening) well.
This doesn’t necessarily mean that you need to cultivate a particular accent or vast esoteric vocabulary. Classy men give others space to speak before pausing, contemplating, and then offering a respectful and well-mannered reply. They practice active listening, which Psychology Today tells us makes those around them feel truly heard and listened to. They then continue the conversation accordingly instead of changing the subject to something they’d prefer.
They recognize that there isn’t a mad rush to blurt out all their own thoughts, nor do they see the medium of conversation as another arena in which to dominate. They show their class in their behavior by maintaining composure during dialogue and refraining from being vulgar.
2. Showing equal respect and kindness to everyone.
It’s very easy to suggest that people treat everyone equally, but it takes a significant amount of class and character to apply this to all the people we meet. That said, classy men do their best to be as respectful and kind to support staff as they are to CEOs, and are as courteous to strangers as they are to old friends.
They may be in a tremendously bad mood one day, or working through personal biases due to past experiences and conditioning, but none of that is revealed in their actions: they keep their struggles tightly reined in, and behave in the best way possible to all they come across.
3. Using good etiquette/table manners.
The most well-dressed man in a fancy restaurant will be looked at with contempt if he leans over and starts licking the marinara sauce off his plate. Understanding good table manners — and putting them into practice on a regular basis — is a mark of class and dignity. While some conventions change over time, the etiquette experts at Emily Post Institute Inc. tell us some table manners never go out of fashion.
My grandparents were sticklers for proper etiquette and behavior when I was growing up, and the manners they instilled in me have served me well in the most unexpected of situations. You never know who’s watching you when you’re out in public. Who knows, you may find that your bearing and decorum will be observed to your benefit, such as being scouted as a film extra.
4. Remaining calm, especially under pressure.
Nothing shows more class in a man than remaining unruffled in crisis situations. Whether they’re dealing with an internal storm or an external one, the roiling waves won’t affect their focus, disposition, or behavior.
A famous example of this type of composure is when Sir Francis Drake played bowls as the Spanish Armada advanced towards the English Channel.
He had prepared his defense already, and much of it depended on which way the wind was blowing. Many of the people around him were panicking and demanding that Drake leap into action to deal with the approaching fleet, but he did not: he simply continued to calmly play his game. He knew that all that could have been done had been done, and he would simply respond to whatever unfolded as needed.
5. Remaining humble instead of bragging or showing off.
A classy man doesn’t have to announce how classy he is: his behavior and achievements will speak for themselves. Similarly, he won’t feel a need to show off his acquisitions or brag about his various accolades. He’s fully confident about his worth and doesn’t need external validation to bolster his ego.
If someone expresses admiration for his work or his achievements, he’ll downplay them instead of agreeing with them about how great he is. He remains humble and does what he can for others instead of lavishing praise and money upon himself.
6. Showing temperance in their actions.
You’ll rarely see a classy man drink to such excess that he’s belligerent and barfing on his friends. Nor will he gorge himself to capacity, spend money carelessly, or drive recklessly simply because he can.
Instead, classy men take great care to show temperance in all their behavior. Sure, they’ll have a drink or two with friends, but not if they’re driving. They’ll pace themselves and savor their whisky instead of belting it back, and the same goes for eating, playing, and all other pleasurable pursuits. They’re always in control and never do anything to excess.
7. Being understanding, yet also brave and assertive.
To understand a situation and not be swayed by it shows great quality of character and class. This doesn’t mean that a classy man doesn’t exhibit empathy, but rather that he won’t be manipulated by other people’s emotions and behavior. He can understand a situation and be compassionate about it, but also be assertive about his stance on it.
A perfect example of this would be a man whose child is acting up at a grocery store, possibly shrieking that they want a particular treat. The father can be understanding and reassure the child that he understands where they’re coming from, while still being firm about boundaries and the fact that he has already said “no”.
8. Walking away from pointless conflict.
It’s one thing to defend your family or yourself from a real or immediate threat, and quite another to go out actively seeking a battle to display how masculine you are. The latter scenario is the opposite of classy behavior. It can lead to lessened physical capability (i.e., from inevitable injuries) as well as a lacklustre reputation. The people in your life who truly matter to you will end up seeing you as insecure and easily provoked, rather than as a stalwart protector.
Would you put anyone with these tendencies into a leadership role or give them any real responsibility? Of course not. There’s nothing wrong with being fiery, provided that you channel that energy into productive, healthy directions. Put that fierce masculine energy into worthwhile fighting disciplines or demanding physical activities instead of going out looking to hurt someone for your own validation.
9. Seeking to build and heal, not dominate and destroy.
Despite how angry and frustrated they may feel at times, classy men seek to create, build, mend, and maintain things in their lives, rather than lashing out and destroying everything within reach when they’re upset.
A classic example is how long it takes to cultivate a healthy orchard of apple trees: a huge amount of time, knowledge, and effort has to go into creating these fruit-bearing trees, which will feed and nurture the community for generations. All this can be brought to nothing within half a day with one fool and a chainsaw. The same can be said about one’s behavior towards another: a healthy, long-term relationship can be completely undone with a few careless words expressed in anger.
Final thoughts…
As you can see, class goes far beyond what a man chooses to wear or what type of car he drives. A wastrel of a human being in an Armani suit is still a wastrel. In contrast, a classy man will maintain his dignity even if he’s in torn jeans and wandering around barefoot.
If you feel that you’d like to display more class and grace in your own life, determine which of these behaviors you can put into practice on a regular basis until they become second nature to you.
