There are certain behaviors that you should just not tolerate from other people. Some behaviors may not be intentionally disrespectful, but they still communicate disrespect. Others are fully disrespectful and tell you that you are not valued or respected as you should be.
It’s vital to stand up for yourself and set boundaries. Boundaries teach other people how you want to be treated by communicating what you’re willing to accept. If you allow other people to treat you badly, not only will they do it, but other people will see that you’re soft and walk all over you, too. And that’s why you should never let anyone do these 7 things.
1. Disrespect you repeatedly.
There are common signs of disrespect that just about anyone can pick up if they’re paying attention. They may do things like dismiss your opinion, constantly interrupt you when you’re talking, or use sarcasm as a way to belittle you. Tolerating this kind of disrespectful behavior teaches them that it’s acceptable behavior. You have to stand up for yourself and call it out when it happens.
Early on, I didn’t call out this kind of behavior. I’d just take it and let it slide because I didn’t really want to start any problems with anyone. Eventually, I got tired of that. I started calling out a few people around me who were attacking me. It’s fascinating because one of them offered to adjust their behavior, and they did.
The others, though? They turned it around and tried to make it about my being “too sensitive.” Don’t let them flip the script on you like that. I have a thick skin. I am more than capable of letting a few comments slide here and there, and I can take a joke. These people, however, weren’t joking. They just straight-up didn’t like me and were passive-aggressively “joking” about it because they thought they were being cute.
“Yes, I am sensitive to someone who appears to be passively-aggressively disrespecting me rather than joking, and I would appreciate it if you’d stop.” People like that tend to view sensitivity as a bad thing, so it’s powerful to reclaim it and use it as a defense. Why should I have to listen to things that may upset me, whether I’m capable of deflecting them or not?
2. Use guilt-trips to manipulate you.
People who rely on guilt to control your behavior are manipulating you. As Dr. Lynn Margolies writes, they want your compliance, not your consent. They don’t care about what’s right or best for you. Instead, they are more focused on what’s best for themselves and how to best get you to comply with their demands.
Guilt-tripping is a passive-aggressive behavior that other people use to get what they want at the expense of the people around them. They are using your positive feelings about them as a way to leverage you into doing what they want.
It’s not something that someone who genuinely cares about you and your well-being should be doing. Why would you want to manipulate someone you care about? That’s right – you don’t.
3. Violate your boundaries.
Everyone is entitled to their own personal space, whether it’s emotional, physical, or time-related. It’s a basic level of respect that you should be able to assume from anyone. But Psychology Today informs us that it can sometimes be a challenge to establish boundaries because so many people may react with anger. After all, the topic of boundaries usually only comes up when someone is feeling disrespected.
It may happen once or twice, but what matters is that it doesn’t repeat. It’s a problem if someone violates your boundary, you reinforce your boundary, and they do it again. At that point, you may find that you’re better off putting distance between you, or even going no-contact. There’s no reason to waste your valuable time on someone who won’t respect you the way you deserve to be.
4. Lie to your habitually.
Everyone slips up and makes mistakes. Sometimes, a person can reflexively tell a white lie just because it’s something that society encourages to keep the peace. Still, it’s hard to value a friendship where you can’t trust one another. Even those small white lies stack up, because they’re communicating that there isn’t enough trust there to just be honest.
That dishonesty is not something you want to allow in your close relationships. Distant friendships? Eh. Sometimes it’s worthwhile, but for the most part, it’s not, because you don’t know where the lies will end. Instead, sooner or later, they will start lying about bigger things because that’s just easier than honesty in a lot of scenarios. Dishonesty is a bad short-term fix turned into a long-term problem.
5. Use you only for convenience.
People with poor intentions may try to use you only for their convenience. The only time they reach out to you is when they need something, or they expect you to do favors for them without returning the favor. Conversations with these people may also be surface-level. They just use a “How are you doing?” as a politeness before asking you for something.
There’s nothing wrong with asking for help. Sometimes we need it. The important thing is that they give just as much to you as you are putting into them. If you can do favors for them, then they can do favors for you. That’s what’s fair at the end of the day. And if you can’t do a favor for them, you shouldn’t be subjected to a guilt-trip because of it.
6. Isolate or control you.
Anyone who tries to dictate who you talk to, what you do, or how you think is violating your independence. It’s not something you can tolerate from others because it’s a red flag about their intentions. People with good intentions for you will not try to control you. They will be happy and welcoming with the person that you are.
Isolation and control are symptoms of an abusive relationship. They often start small, but as the abuser finds success, they will try to exert more control and isolate you from people you care about until you’re all alone, cut off from help. The abuser will usually dress their control up as concern or care. It’s not.
It’s not a behavior you should tolerate at all because healthy people just don’t do this. It’s a very toxic behavior that causes long-term repercussions and harm.
7. Mock or shame your sensitivities.
Opening up requires courage that can be hard to find. It’s cruel to use someone’s insecurities or fears as ammunition for their humor or “brutal honesty.” Personal details should never be used as ammunition against you. Again, this is not a behavior you should tolerate because it can just be a red flag for a lot more toxicity.
People who mock or shame your sensitivities are people whom you can’t trust with personal information because they will use it against you later. How can you stay friends with someone like that? How can you have a healthy relationship with someone who does that? The short answer is – you can’t.
Final thoughts…
There is no good, healthy relationship without respect. It doesn’t matter if it’s romantic or just a person you see off-and-on. Respect is necessary, and all of these behaviors point to disrespect. But, people are fallible. They make mistakes. It’s not necessarily so bad that these things happen. What matters is how they respond to it.
How does the other person respond to you setting and enforcing a boundary? The right way to act is with courtesy and respect. A considerate, healthy person will want to know your boundaries so they can respect them. They don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable.
On the other hand, if they fight you when you try to enforce your boundaries, it may be a better idea to distance yourself and let that person go.
