Getting rejected isn’t much fun at all. It takes a lot of courage to pursue something (or someone) that’s important to you, and it also requires a significant amount of vulnerability. For some, the pain and misery that comes with rejection can cause them to feel so defeated that they close themselves off and stop trying so they don’t get hurt again.
So what do people who refuse to let their confidence be crushed do differently? Well, they regularly take the steps listed here, and they never give up.
1. They keep training and practicing.
Just about every Olympic athlete faced rejection and failure before reaching a level where they were eligible to compete. Similarly, every famous person you know had countless rejections from auditions and applications before attaining success. The steps they took that set them apart from those who failed in their endeavors were that they kept honing and improving their skills until they got to where they wanted to be.
Whatever a person’s field may be, they’ll choose to double down on their efforts to truly excel in what they do instead of allowing rejection to permanently crush their confidence. They know that even if they get rejected several more times, each rejection is a stepping stone towards the goal they’re hoping to achieve, until they have enough mastery to attain it. As Marcus Aurelius once said: “What stands in the way, becomes the way.”
2. They do things they excel at to remind themselves of their worth and capability.
Each and every one of us is good at something, even if it’s seemingly insignificant. One of us might be proud of our ability to remember the Latin names of various dinosaurs, while another might have brilliant archery or cooking skills. Those who experience repeated rejection avoid having their confidence crushed by returning to focus on the things they excel at, over and over again.
Instead of focusing on the fact that they’ve had a momentary setback, they allow their self-confidence to be rekindled by doing something they know they do amazingly well. It’s hard to feel defeated when you manage to hit a bullseye three times in a row, or cook a complicated dish to perfection. Doing this reinforces their awareness of personal capability and puts them back on the path to try again, with renewed confidence and enthusiasm.
3. They review and improve their method.
According to Psychology Today, those who refuse to let repeated rejection destroy their confidence transform their setbacks into learning opportunities. For example, they’ll take time to reflect on what was incorrect about their approach and how they can improve it.
They also learn to recognize when the rejection happened because other people’s preferences and decisions didn’t align with their own — that even if their approach was pitch perfect, sometimes others simply choose a different direction, and that’s okay too.
One key aspect to keep in mind here is that it’s just as important to learn when not to approach a situation (or a person) as it is to determine whether to simply use a different approach.
Case in point, someone who’s rejected by a potential date (or employer) might think it’s a good idea to be persistent, and keep trying from other angles until they get “yes” as a response. In a situation such as this, the only correct action to take is to accept the other person’s “no” with grace, recognize that it simply isn’t the right opportunity for them, and redirect their efforts elsewhere instead.
4. They ask for feedback from trusted sources.
We all need different perspectives at times, which is why it’s important to ask for feedback from trusted sources. For those who don’t let rejection grind them down, one of the key things they do is to ask friends, trusted acquaintances, and family members for their honest perspective on where they can improve.
For example, an editor friend of theirs might tip them off that their book manuscript was rejected because it hadn’t been proofread thoroughly enough, or a friend in HR may offer them tips on how to improve and streamline their resume/CV. This feedback will prove invaluable as they journey onwards towards success.
5. They practice radical acceptance.
One of the best steps a person can take to learn how not to be crushed by rejection is to practice radical acceptance. This involves learning how to sit with an experience without attributing judgment or emotion to it. In simplest terms, it’s an “it is what it is” situation that doesn’t require emotional investment.
Furthermore, it involves acknowledging that just because you aren’t this person’s cup of tea, it doesn’t mean you aren’t another person’s Irish coffee. Or accepting that you might have thought you really wanted a particular job, but the hiring committee knew you wouldn’t be a good fit. That’s fine: you’ll eventually get the role you’re perfectly suited for. The same goes for dating, home rental, or animal adoption applications, and just about everything else.
6. They make time for play and things that bring them joy.
One of the best ways to lessen the sting of rejection is to focus on something sweeter instead. It’s the whole “spoonful of sugar” situation, as per the Mary Poppins tune that’ll now be stuck in your head for the next few days. You’re welcome.
They might acknowledge that the rejection hurts a bit, but instead of wallowing in that feeling, they’ll do something fun and engaging instead. Maybe they’ll play a video game or go play foosball with friends at their favorite pub. This way, they aren’t overly fixated on what didn’t work, and instead allow their subconscious to mull things over in a relaxed, enjoyable situation. More often than not, answers about how they can improve their approach (and thus attain success) will arise while they’re focused on the fun they’re having.
7. They don’t allow bad-intentioned rejection into their spirit.
When something unpleasant or unwanted happens, people have two options: to expand into the experience and allow themselves to grow from it, or contract and withdraw into themselves, away from the world. Guess which one allows a person to grow and evolve more?
Those who choose to expand themselves do so by journaling to help work through everything they’re thinking and feeling, walking it off (or other kind of exercise to release difficult, pent-up emotion), and practicing empathy routines. Essentially, trying to get into the other person’s head to figure out why they responded with rejection. Doing this helps them realize that how someone else responds to them has everything to do with their own issues, and very little to do with them as an individual.
8. They get back on the horse.
The writer Oliver Goldsmith once wrote: “Success consists of getting up just one more time than you fall.” This is quite true and relates to any situation in which a person might risk the possibility of rejection. The thing is, it’s easy to give up. It really is. Giving up and giving in doesn’t require any effort at all from a person: they can simply let go and let themselves sink into a well of crushed confidence and depression.
In contrast, it requires strength, resilience, and courage to get back up on that horse despite knowing that they might get thrown off again. They remember that every other person who achieved success after repeated failure chose not to give up, and neither will they.
Final thoughts…
If everyone who experienced rejection allowed themselves to be crushed by that defeat, nobody would ever achieve anything. Rejection may not be fun to contend with, but it offers an excellent opportunity to cultivate resilience.
The key difference between the person who lets themselves be crushed and the one who keeps on keeping on is the awareness that the next attempt may very well be the one that succeeds.
“There is freedom waiting for you,
On the breezes of the sky,
And you ask “What if I fall?”
Oh but my darling,
What if you fly?”
― Erin Hanson
