No one has time for unhappiness. So many of us are busy, busy, busy working and just trying to find a little peace and happiness in life. Unfortunately, we don’t always make the space for ourselves or others to feel sad or unhappy.
Then you have the people who don’t want to feel like they’re a burden, so they put on a brave face and they keep on chugging along. They pretend to be okay, but they’re not. They’re dying inside.
As I can personally attest from burying my own feelings for decades, suppressing negative emotions does far more harm than getting them out. Here are just some of the harms it can cause.
1. Chronic emotional exhaustion.
Mental and emotional energy is a finite resource. As the Mayo Clinic informs us, you only have so much of it before you start feeling drained and exhausted. The need to constantly act “fine” takes a lot of that mental and emotional energy and just burns it up.
Typically, that becomes a chronic issue because if you’re that unhappy, then it’s likely that you have other stresses in your life that are also draining you. You never really get the opportunity to recover because you’re always under these 24/7 feelings of unhappiness.
2. Increased anxiety and tension.
A major issue with keeping your unhappiness completely bottled up is that it disrupts your ability to mitigate stress. What you may find is that the mental health issues you have start getting worse, or you may start experiencing more anxiety and tension. It’s what happens when your brain is running on empty, without having the ability to rest due to the ongoing issues.
Increased tension could manifest as anything from being agitated more often to a shorter temper, to uncharacteristically wild mood swings.
3. Physical health issues.
As the Cleveland Clinic informs us, the body reacts to stress chemically, producing hormones like cortisol, which are meant to help get you through a temporary hard time. The issue with cortisol is that it’s okay in small doses and timespans, but it’s not meant to be in your body for a long time.
Cortisol in long-term doses can cause physical health issues, such as digestive problems, high blood pressure, nervous system dysregulation, weakened immunity, chronic pain, and headaches. The longer you bury your unhappiness and don’t work to fix it, the more cortisol is in your body, and the more difficult things are.
You may also find that you gain weight, because your brain is telling your body you’re in danger, and to not burn calories that you normally would.
4. Loss of self-connection.
The connection we maintain with ourselves is kept strong by staying in tune with our feelings. Unhappy people who pretend for a long time aren’t in tune with their feelings. Their other feelings, both positive and negative, are currently being drowned out by their unhappiness.
They aren’t able to enjoy and appreciate the good things, nor do other sadnesses or difficulties get the proper attention they deserve for resolution. As a result, an unhappy person may find that they feel distant from themselves, like they don’t know who they are other than the unhappiness.
5. Isolation from meaningful support.
No one can help you if they don’t know you’re struggling. Of course, people who are being strong through their unhappiness often don’t want to feel like a burden, which is one reason they bottle it up. Still, most people do better when they have meaningful support to help them through the hard times.
Personally, as I had my struggles in life, I isolated myself not only because I didn’t want to burden others, but because I didn’t see a point in it. Why would I bother talking about it? It’s not going to change the circumstances causing my unhappiness. It’s not going to fix the source of the issue. What’s the point?
But there is a point. People can support you, and what’s more, you improve your relationships and foster closeness by being open, honest, raw, and vulnerable with the people who mean the most to you.
6. Relationship strain.
The people you spend the most time around are going to be able to tell when something is off with you. They will sense something is wrong, or they may think they have done something wrong, but will feel pushed away.
That communication breakdown can lead to misunderstandings, arguments, and distance in the relationship. To come together, people need to expose their raw vulnerability because, as we’ve mentioned, that’s one way you forge and strengthen intimate connections.
7. Delayed healing and growth.
You can’t work through pain you won’t acknowledge. That keeps the emotional wounds open, festering, and bleeding far longer than necessary. In fact, suppressing that kind of unhappiness can derail your whole life and personal development because you’re not able to fully be in the present.
Instead, you’re wrapped up in whatever it is that’s currently making you unhappy, and that’s generally where you’ll stay until you choose otherwise. Of course, that’s far easier said than done. But someone who is dedicated to healing and their personal growth can’t let themselves get stuck in the negative emotions, or else they won’t progress.
8. Heightened risk of depression.
The pressure to maintain a cheerful face can actually make depression worse, increasing hopelessness and making real happiness feel distant. It takes so much energy to pretend to be okay when you’re not. Not only do you have to do the pretending, but then you also wrestle with feelings of anger and frustration.
“Why do I have to be unhappy? Why is everyone else happy?” And these aren’t easy questions to wrestle with once, let alone the numerous times you have to when you’re suppressing your negative emotions. You wind up retreading the same ground over and over and over, and it’s so exhausting after just a little while.
9. A deep sense of inauthenticity.
Living behind a mask doesn’t feel good. It causes you to feel like maybe you’re not good enough or valuable enough. You may find yourself questioning just how close the people you’re close to are in your life. After all, if they are okay with you being this unhappy, isn’t that a bad thing? Shouldn’t they know better than that?
As you suppress your negative emotions, you’re losing that energy that could be put toward living an authentic life, true to yourself. Once you understand that authenticity is a feeling, it’s hard to go back to living in a smaller way. It feels like freedom to fully accept and love all aspects of yourself, even the ugly ones. That’s what authenticity is all about.
Final thoughts…
I personally spent decades pretending everything was okay while my life was burning down. Pieces of toxic masculinity stuck with me, telling me not to talk about my problems, to tough my way through it, and find a solution. That’s what a man is supposed to do!
I did that. And I paid a price in many ways. I did it for so long that I had to go to talk therapy to re-teach my brain how to have positive emotions. Isn’t that something? That being said, it is important to talk about it with someone you trust or a professional. You shouldn’t have to go through it alone, and it’s much easier with a counselor who knows what they’re doing.
