You’ve probably noticed that some people are taken much more seriously than others. Perhaps you’ve wondered whether there was some magical formula involved, or whether there are traits people exhibit naturally that determine whether they earn other people’s respect, contempt, or impassivity.
In reality, it’s often a person’s behavior that determines whether they are taken seriously or not. People who fall into the latter category — who often find themselves humored or condescended to instead of acknowledged and respected — tend to display the following behaviors on a regular basis.
1. They express self-doubt and disclaimers in their communication.
“I know this sounds silly, but…”
“I’m just reaching out to…”
“Yeah, maybe, I don’t know…”
People who use weak disclaimers like these when communicating show an intense lack of self-respect and self-confidence. Neuro Launch advises that those who are scared of being mocked or rejected by others often go for self-deprecation before anyone else has the opportunity to make fun of them. Additionally, if they aren’t firm in their stance, they won’t feel intimidated if they’re called upon to defend it: they can simply say “never mind!” and run away.
The problem is that saying things like this undermines the message that a person is trying to convey. They could be a highly educated authority in their field of expertise, but ending sentences with shrugs and “I dunno” implies that they have no faith in what they’re saying. If they don’t take themselves seriously, why would anyone else?
2. They are inconsistent.
Imagine a person who fiercely extols the virtues and ethics of a vegan diet one week, and is a devout carnivore the next. Or they’re fiercely feminist on Monday and stalwart tradwife supporters by Thursday. How can a person be taken seriously when there’s little foundational reliability about who this person is?
Of course, people are constantly evolving as they gain life experience and perspective, so changes that reflect personal growth and evolution are inevitable. That said, flitting from one type of personal expression to another on a bi-weekly basis isn’t going to instill much faith or trust in others. Inconsistent behavior like this not only implies that a person doesn’t have the courage to stand by their convictions, but that those convictions will change every time the wind shifts direction.
3. They make jokes out of everything.
Those who were “class clowns” in their youth often continue this behavior well into adulthood, usually to their detriment. They learned early on that being jovial and lighthearted can be great for putting others at ease and making new friends, but haven’t necessarily realized that it’s less than ideal in the workplace or in personal relationships.
I once had a boyfriend who managed to make a joke about any situation that arose — including serious issues between us. It got to a point where nothing could be discussed without him mocking it or insisting that it wasn’t a big deal, and the relationship eventually ended. We remained friends, but he often expressed dismay that his boss never took him seriously at work, and his family still tried to tell him what to do. His own actions had created the circumstances that he ended up despising, without him even realizing it.
4. They behave in a juvenile manner.
Behaving like a teenager might be en vogue for some demographics and in certain situations, but it’s not going to earn many people’s respect, nor will the individual in question be taken very seriously by their peers or superiors. It might feel comforting or cute to embrace their inner child and express that in their appearance, behavior, and speech, but it has to be contextual: there’s an appropriate time and place for everything.
For example, most people would have difficulty taking a healthcare provider seriously if they used terms like “heckin’ chonk” when referring to weight gain. And they wouldn’t have much faith in a lawyer who used “LOL” in regular written communiques, or who used filler words such as “like” or “you know?” 20 times per sentence.
5. They get overly emotional.
Those who are immensely respected and always taken seriously are often those who have a great deal of control over their emotions. They still feel things, but will excuse themselves if they’re feeling emotionally overwhelmed so they can deal with those things in private, then return to the situation once they’re calm and collected again.
It’s difficult to take someone seriously when they burst into tears at the slightest provocation or get enraged at the drop of a hat. We can understand when children get overemotional because they haven’t developed the coping mechanisms to regulate their own emotions yet, but most adults have had plenty of time to do so.
6. They never admit ignorance about a subject.
A lot of people seem to feel that admitting you don’t know something shows weakness, when in fact the opposite is true. Admitting that you don’t know about a topic shows integrity, and you’ll earn more respect from others if you don’t just admit ignorance, but make a point of delving into said topic to educate yourself about it.
Those who pretend to be flawless know-it-alls end up drawing a great deal of contempt from others around them. They might think they’re fooling them by playing along and pretending they know what they’re talking about, but they aren’t. Furthermore, when a topic arises that they are knowledgeable about, their previous behavior will ensure that nobody takes them seriously about it, nor has any interest in what they have to say.
7. They use their conditions or traits as social crutches.
Just about everyone you meet is dealing with some kind of health issue, be that physical or mental. While allowances need to be made and understanding offered, problems arise when someone perpetually uses their struggles as excuses to dodge accountability for their actions.
Similarly, people who demand special treatment because they fall into a particular demographic aren’t going to be taken as seriously as those who have earned a place at the table because of skill or other authentic contributions.
I once worked with a project manager who insisted on giving graphic design input despite having no training in the subject because he felt that he had solid ideas to share. If and when he was told that his ideas didn’t meet the parameters of a project, he would insist that it was because all the designers were homophobic. This kind of behavior weaponizes personal traits and uses them to manipulate others to one’s whims, and nobody can take someone seriously when they go that route.
8. They echo everyone else’s thoughts and opinions instead of expressing their own.
A person who doesn’t seem capable of independent thought isn’t going to be taken seriously by many. This is because they simply mirror the thoughts and behaviors of whoever is in an alpha position at the time in the hope of being accepted and fitting in.
Those who offer well-thought-out alternatives and aren’t afraid to contradict others with strong ideas and opinions garner far more respect than sycophants. As such, if a person has cultivated a reputation for going along with what everyone else says and does, their contributions or perspectives will be assumed simply to be reflections of whatever’s going on around them, rather than being sincere.
Final thoughts…
It’s important to note that those who have experienced trauma in the past, as well as those who are neurodivergent, may unintentionally exhibit some of the traits listed here.
But regardless of the underlying reason, being able to recognize which behaviors may undermine whether you are taken seriously or not is still important, as is addressing those actions to the best of one’s ability. Authentic self-expression is important, but it also needs to be balanced with maturity and professionalism if one is to be taken seriously by others in a wide variety of circumstances.
