When you think about the people you’ve been most drawn to over the course of your life, what have they had in common? Was it something about their energy? Or certain behaviors that they shared?
Chances are that there were traits about them that piqued your interest and made you want to get to know them. The most interesting people I’ve ever met had several traits in common, including a number of behaviors that couldn’t help but draw people into their sphere.
1. They dress in their own individual style.
When you go out, you likely notice people who aren’t wearing the exact same fashion styles as everyone else. They might be dressed like Victorian gentry, 1950s pinups, or like festival-goers of various flavors. Either way, they stand out and draw people’s attention, not only because they look different from everyone else, but because they have the strength of character to do so.
Most of the people you’ll come across end up following the herd (even if they don’t want to) because they’re either afraid of being ostracized for dancing to their own tune or because they don’t want to draw attention to themselves. Those whose appearance reflects their unique personality traits inevitably end up being the object of scorn for some, but are like lighthouses in the darkness for those who share their free-spirited leanings.
2. They have unusual and/or eccentric pursuits.
I don’t know about you, but if I see people in interesting outfits doing fire dancing, high-performance physical movement, public art, or busking, that makes me want to learn more about them.
These people are often very skillful in their chosen fields, but aren’t necessarily cut out for conventional jobs — positions in which the average Joe seems to thrive. As a result, they try to make a living as best they can from doing art or performing, and they always have interesting stories to tell about their adventures, experiences, where they learned their skills, and so on. Chat with them sometime, and you may discover that this person learned fire dancing in Turkey, or that person was taught how to paint by an exiled revolutionary.
3. They stand out from the crowd.
You might have seen memes in which a person is standing out from the crowd because they’re the only one not wearing a hat, or they’re walking in the opposite direction from everyone else. People who are going against the flow rather than following the herd immediately become more interesting because they’re both expressing independent thought and showing that they have the courage to act on those impulses.
As an example, when I was at an airport several years ago waiting for a flight, my eyes were instantly drawn to an older woman who was sitting in the lounge nearby. It took me a moment to figure out why, at which point I realized that she was the only person there who was reading a book: everyone else around her was staring at their phone. That certainly made her an interesting individual in my eyes!
4. They have evocative body language or energy.
Natural storytellers will draw crowds around them even if they’re just telling a friend about a new pair of slippers. Their cadence, body language, and the energy they exude when sharing a tale are naturally evocative.
These are the people who can’t help but captivate those around them, even if some of the observers can’t hear what they’re saying. They could be doing a pantomime to tell their friend about the soggy calamari they’d been served the night before, and people within seeing distance will wonder what they’re going on about, because they seem so fascinating.
5. They live authentically.
Beyond dressing differently or moving against the current rather than with it, is the authenticity and individualism that sets interesting people apart from everyone else. They do what they want, when they feel like doing it, with little care about what others might think about them. These are the people you’ll see doing yoga or Tai Chi in the park when their peers are sleeping off hangovers.
They choose to learn skills or pursue hobbies that genuinely interest them rather than what’s currently trendy or socially expected. While their peers are all taking the same yoga classes or binge-watching whatever series is popular, they might be teaching themselves ancient calligraphy, studying plants, or practicing unusual musical instruments simply because these things fascinate them. And when others notice their enthusiasm for these authentic pursuits, it naturally piques their interest.
6. They attend things on their own.
You’ve probably noticed that a lot of people are hesitant to fly solo and do things on their own. Some are afraid of what others might think of them if they eat alone at a restaurant or go to a concert by themselves. They worry that people might assume they don’t have any friends, or that they’re so weird that nobody wants to hang out with them.
In reality, some of the most interesting people you’ll meet are perfectly content in their own company. They’ll go out to eat so they can enjoy a great meal while reading a book or appreciating live music. Similarly, they might attend an art show or museum exhibit opening on their own, and will happily interact with those of like mind who are also in attendance.
7. They dare to think for themselves.
In his book Being and Time, German philosopher Martin Heidegger discusses how people generally prefer to avoid the discomfort that independent thought and opinion can cause, and simply adopt everyone else’s thoughts and behaviors as their own. By doing so, they’re not only more likely to be accepted by the majority, but they won’t have to deal with the inner turmoil or frustration that comes with awareness, analysis, and disagreement.
This is actually why some of the most interesting people you’ll come across are also prone to depression and anxiety: intelligence and awareness of the existential horrors of existence are immense burdens to carry. In contrast, choosing not to think independently provides those with a herd mentality to feel safe, secure, and content at all times.
8. They refuse to be categorized because they are open to growth.
Many of the most interesting people you’ll ever meet refuse to fit themselves into the neatly labeled boxes that so many others like to categorize others into. Furthermore, they may not have strong adherence to various topics because they’re open to having their minds changed: they appreciate knowledge and recognize that the more they learn, the more likely they are to change perspective.
These people feel that to be labeled is to be limited. It’s much easier to be an individual when one is not seeking an artificial identity within the restraints of current terminology. They leave the labels to pantry goods and medications, not to themselves as individuals.
9. They are naturally curious and will talk to everyone.
We live in an era in which most people shy away from conversations with strangers, and only socialize with small groups of people whom they’ve vetted through various social media accounts or similar. Folks often cultivate echo chambers consisting solely of those who think and feel exactly the same way they do, within their chosen demographics.
While this may feel comfortable for them on many levels, it also blinkers their perspectives and reinforces xenophobic behaviors, leading them to exclude those who might actually become friends or partners.
As such, a curious person who’s happy to talk to just about anyone is a rare treasure to come across. They’re just as happy to chat with the kid sitting next to them on a flight as they are to play chess with a retiree at the park, a Buddhist monk they met on the street, or the person selling home-baked goods from a neighborhood stall. Their open demeanor is a natural draw to others, who gravitate towards them like geckos to a fresh mango.
Final thoughts…
Many interesting folks may feel like they don’t draw others to them because they’re rarely approached by strangers, or might make those around them uncomfortable. In reality, they likely draw countless people’s attention, but those people are shy, awkward, or otherwise too afraid to interact with them. This is rather like outdoor lamps not realizing how many gorgeous moths are drawn to them: they just get complaints from the ones who think they’re too shiny.
Nobody should feel that they need to dim their light to make those who aren’t meant for them more comfortable.
