Wouldn’t it be great if there were a secret, magical potion you could drink to transform your relationship? Sadly, there is not.
But maybe that’s the secret devoted couples have figured out. There’s no magic formula that will give you the relationship you desire. The only thing close to a magical potion is putting in the work necessary to strengthen your relationship.
The truth is, strong relationships are built on the intentional habits devoted couples stick to faithfully. These habits are set in stone, and they follow them even when life gets busy or chaotic.
Falling in love and staying in love without any effort, but only through your mutual passion for one another, is a myth that movie directors sold us. Real relationships require consistent, hard work.
Devoted couples know this and do the work needed. Below are 8 habits devoted couples stick to regardless of what life throws their way:
1. They work to be the best versions of themselves.
A relationship can only be as healthy as the two people in it. If you’re not the best version of yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally, your relationship won’t be either. The same applies to your partner.
For you to love and value your partner in a deep and meaningful way, you must first love and value yourself. You can’t hope to give to someone else what you don’t have.
It’s the love you have inside you that’s available for you to give to others. Therefore, if you’re filled with toxicity from trauma and baggage, that’s what you will give to your partner.
The way we treat our partners is a direct reflection of the way we treat ourselves. If you treat yourself like utter garbage or verbally abuse yourself, ignore your mental well-being, before too long, you’ll do the same to your significant other. Because that is what is inside you.
So, to remain devoted to your relationship and your partner, work on being the best version of yourself that you can be. Learn to love and accept yourself as you truly are, so you can do the same for your partner.
2. They ask for what they need.
Asking for what you need seems simple enough. But this small task is something that many of us struggle with in our relationships. Some of us feel that because we’ve been with our partners for some time, they should just know what our needs are. Kind of like mind-reading.
For others, asking for what we need feels burdensome or awkward, especially in societies that prioritize self-reliance. Having a need that you’re unable to meet yourself is seen as a personal failing. So, you ignore your needs or hope that your partner just figures it out without you asking.
No two people will ever be close enough for them to be able to read each other’s minds. They may be able to make an educated guess. But that will only lead to them being right some of the time. So if you have a need you want your partner to fill, you have to speak up and ask for it.
Expecting your partner to “just know” what you need or somehow figure it out on their own will only lead to your needs not being met. What’s more, you’ll resent your partner for not meeting your needs, and they’ll resent you for not speaking up and expecting them to guess. And resentment, as we all know, does nothing good for a relationship.
In a devoted relationship, your partner will provide a safe space to voice your needs and hopefully get them met. And you will do the same in return.
3. They always appreciate each other.
Devoted couples don’t take each other for granted. They appreciate the little things they do for one another, even when they’ve been done a thousand times before.
It can be hard to do. Sometimes, we get so focused on what our partner is doing wrong that we forget all about what they’re doing right. To remedy this, start focusing on all the positive things they do, often without being asked.
For example, tell them you appreciate the way they take care of you or the children. Let them know how much you appreciate the way they respond to your texts so quickly, even when they’re at work or busy. If they start the coffee machine up in the morning so you can have a fresh cup, let them know what it means to you.
The more you focus on what they’re doing right, the more of that behavior you’re likely to see, and the stronger your bond grows.
4. They pay attention.
While digital devices have numerous benefits and have impacted our work and lives in many positive ways, they make it so much easier to be disconnected from life and the people around us.
Have you noticed how common it is to go out with friends and end up competing with their phones for attention? Some even insist on capturing every moment—or your dinner—for social media before you can enjoy it.
Life is not happening on your digital device. It’s happening right in front of you. But you’ll miss it if you’re not paying attention. The same logic applies to your significant other. If you want to maintain your connection, or deepen it, you simply have to pay attention.
Put down your digital device. Look up when your partner talks to you or walks into the room. Notice what’s new about them. Does anything seem off about your partner?
Give your partner your undivided attention and watch the difference it makes.
5. They stay curious.
As human beings, we are constantly changing. Who we were last year is not who we are now. In the last 365 days, our tastes, dreams, hopes, and more have changed.
That’s why you have to stay curious about your partner. The person they were when you first fell in love with them is a completely different person from who they are now. They’ve evolved and grown. And to grow together, you both need to keep up.
If you’ve had children together, it will have changed them (and you). Have they changed jobs/careers since you’ve been together? Been promoted to a new position? Finished school? How have these changes affected them at their core?
So many things may have changed about them that you’ll miss if you’re not curious about them. To ensure they stay connected, devoted couples keep asking questions as though they’re just getting to know each other all over again because there is always more to learn.
6. They touch one another.
When was the last time you held your partner without the expectation that it would go any further? Do you hold hands anymore? What about a nice long kiss or a hug? Or has life gotten so busy that physical intimacy and touching have been moved further and further down your list of to-dos?
One thing you’ll notice about devoted couples is how often they touch one another. It might be a playful tap as one walks by, holding hands in the grocery store, or cuddling on the couch during a show. If they’re close, they’re usually in physical contact.
That’s because they recognize—sometimes without even realizing it—just how vital touch is to their connection.
And research supports this: adults who show frequent affection report higher levels of satisfaction, both in the relationship and the bedroom, than those who don’t.
7. They actually spend time together.
Life gets busy. Between work, home, and other responsibilities, you’re running full speed ahead. Sometimes you don’t see your significant other all day. But it’s in times like these that devoted couples carve out time to spend with their partner.
This could be in the form of regular, weekly date nights where you reconnect. No money? No problem. Date night could be a walk around the neighborhood or a night spent playing board games. It doesn’t have to be fancy, but it has to be consistent.
You could do daily 10-minute check-ins where you ask each other, “What do you need from me today?” This helps ensure both of you are asking for what you need and showing up for one another in critical ways.
Whatever you decide to do to prioritize spending quality time with your partner. Give them your undivided attention. Turn off your devices. Listen, not with the intent to respond, but to really hear what they’re saying.
8. They remain committed to one another and to their relationship.
These days, it seems easier to break up than to weather the storms of a long-term relationship. There are so many distractions and temptations that make staying committed to your partner very hard. So much so that it is becoming increasingly rare to see in our society.
People simply don’t want to or perhaps don’t know how to stay committed to their partner.
Note, we’re not talking about abusive or toxic relationships here. This is referring to relationships where you don’t “feel” like you’re in love with your partner anymore or when you’re relationship has had more lows than highs.
Devoted couples realize that staying together won’t be easy. They won’t always feel like they’re in love with their significant other or even like them very much. Sometimes, it seems like staying together is hard and unfulfilling. But they’re committed to their partner and their relationship, on the easy days and the tough ones.
Final thoughts…
Devoted couples are deliberate about their relationship. They don’t leave the health of their relationship up to chance. Their relationship is not put on the back burner or deprioritized after everything else.
Rather, they build habits that help them work on their relationship every day. They are so consistent and dedicated to their habits that it’s not easily seen by those of us on the outside. That’s why we can’t figure out what’s different about them.
But if you prioritize your relationship the way they do, you’ll soon reap the same results.
