There exists a profound difference in how individuals navigate their daily lives, relationships, and internal worlds based on their relationship with themselves. Those who have cultivated a healthy sense of self-esteem move through life with a quiet confidence that isn’t rooted in arrogance or superiority, but in a deep understanding of their inherent value. Their actions reflect a fundamental belief that they deserve kindness, respect, and care—both from others and from themselves.
While many people struggle with feelings of inadequacy or unworthiness, those with healthy self-esteem have learned to honor their needs, celebrate their achievements, and treat themselves with the same compassion they would offer others. Their behaviors serve as a roadmap for anyone seeking to build a more loving and respectful relationship with themselves.
1. They set and maintain boundaries.
Healthy boundaries represent one of the clearest indicators of strong self-esteem. People with healthy self-esteem understand deeply that their time, energy, and emotional well-being hold genuine value. When approached with requests that exceed their capacity, they decline with grace but without lengthy justifications or apologies that suggest guilt.
Consider the colleague who consistently says no to overtime when their schedule is already packed, or the friend who limits conversations with someone who constantly drains their emotional reserves. These individuals recognize that boundaries exist on a spectrum—from overly rigid walls that keep everyone out, to healthy, flexible limits, to porous barriers that offer no protection at all.
Those struggling with low self-esteem often fear that boundary-setting will result in rejection or conflict. Fear drives them to accept mistreatment or commit to obligations that leave them overwhelmed and resentful. Their internal narrative whispers that their needs matter less than keeping others happy, creating a cycle where their self-worth erodes further with each boundary violation they permit.
2. They practice self-compassion during mistakes and failures.
Internal conversations when errors occur reveal profound differences between those with healthy versus low self-esteem. Kristin Neff’s research on self-compassion illuminates three essential components that healthy individuals naturally employ: treating themselves with kindness rather than harsh judgment, recognizing that mistakes represent part of the shared human experience rather than personal isolation, and maintaining mindful awareness without becoming consumed by their failures.
After a presentation goes poorly, someone with strong self-esteem might think: “That didn’t go as planned, and I feel disappointed. Everyone has moments like this. What can I learn for next time?” Compare this to the self-attacking spiral many experience: “I’m terrible at this. Everyone thinks I’m incompetent. I should never have tried.”
Catastrophic thinking patterns and relentless self-criticism characterize low self-esteem responses to failure. Meanwhile, those with healthy self-regard extend themselves the same patience and understanding they would offer a dear friend facing similar circumstances. Their mistakes become learning opportunities rather than evidence of fundamental inadequacy.
3. They advocate for their needs and wants.
Individuals with healthy self-esteem advocate for themselves because they believe fundamentally that their needs deserve attention and consideration. Workplace scenarios showcase this beautifully—they request raises when their contributions warrant recognition, pursue promotions that align with their career goals, and speak up about working conditions that impact their well-being.
Relationship dynamics also reveal this self-advocacy clearly. Someone with healthy self-esteem expresses preferences about how they spend weekends, requests emotional support during difficult times, and communicates their needs without apologizing for having them. Healthcare settings become another arena where this plays out—they ask doctors questions, seek second opinions when something feels off, and participate actively in decisions about their treatment.
Contrast this with people-pleasing behaviors that stem from low self-worth. These individuals minimize their own needs, believing that others’ requirements automatically take precedence. Their internal narrative suggests that wanting things for themselves is selfish or demanding. Rather than risk disappointment or conflict, they remain silent about their desires, often building resentment while their needs go unmet year after year.
4. They take breaks and prioritize rest without guilt.
Cultural messages and productivity pressure create intense guilt around rest for many people, but those with healthy self-esteem recognize that downtime serves as fuel rather than laziness. Rest comes in multiple forms—physical recovery through sleep and relaxation, mental breaks from decision-making and problem-solving, emotional respite from intensity, and spiritual renewal through whatever brings deeper meaning.
Recognizing when each type of rest is needed becomes second nature for these individuals. Physical exhaustion calls for earlier bedtimes or weekend mornings without alarms. Mental fatigue suggests stepping away from complex projects or consuming lighter media. Emotional overwhelm indicates time for solitude or gentle activities that soothe rather than stimulate.
Internalized messages about worth being tied to output create particular struggles for those with low self-esteem. Their productivity becomes evidence of their value, making rest feel unearned or indulgent. The voice in their head insists that relaxation must be justified through prior accomplishment.
5. They celebrate personal achievements (big and small).
Acknowledgment of success comes naturally to those with balanced self-esteem, who can feel proud of their accomplishments without tipping into arrogance or superiority. Whether landing a major promotion or simply completing a challenging workout, they recognize their effort and growth. Their celebration feels genuine and proportionate to the achievement.
Healthy pride differs significantly from arrogance. Pride acknowledges personal contribution while remaining grounded and grateful. Arrogance inflates achievement and diminishes others’ contributions. Someone with healthy self-esteem might think: “I worked really hard on this project and it turned out well. I’m proud of the effort I put in and grateful for the support I received.”
Low self-esteem individuals frequently dismiss their achievements, attributing success entirely to luck, timing, or other people’s help while minimizing their own role. Alternatively, they immediately shift focus to what went wrong or jump to the next goal without pausing to acknowledge what they accomplished. Their internal voice suggests that celebrating feels boastful or that the achievement wasn’t significant enough to warrant recognition. Missing these moments of acknowledgment robs them of the confidence-building benefits that come from recognizing their capabilities and growth.
6. They choose quality relationships and distance themselves from toxic ones.
Relationship choices reflect self-worth more clearly than almost any other life area. Those with healthy self-esteem gravitate toward connections characterized by mutual respect, genuine care, and balanced give-and-take. When red flags appear—consistent criticism, manipulation, disrespect, or emotional volatility, for example—they recognize these patterns and have the courage to create distance or end the relationship entirely.
Fear of loneliness often traps individuals with low self-esteem in harmful connections. Their internal narrative suggests that a difficult relationship is better than no relationship at all. Perhaps they believe they don’t deserve better treatment, or worry that no one else would want them. These beliefs create a cycle where toxic relationships further erode their sense of worth, making it even harder to leave.
Quality relationships require vulnerability and authenticity, which can feel terrifying when self-esteem is shaky. Someone who believes they’re fundamentally flawed might hide parts of themselves or tolerate poor treatment rather than risk rejection. Meanwhile, those with healthy self-regard understand that meaningful connections develop when both people can be genuine. They’d rather have fewer relationships that nourish them than many that drain their spirit or compromise their well-being.
7. They invest in personal growth and learning.
Growth-oriented activities reflect a fundamental belief in one’s own potential and worthiness of investment. People with healthy self-esteem pursue education, attend therapy, develop new skills, explore hobbies, and seek experiences that expand their understanding of themselves and the world. Their mindset says: “I’m worth investing in” rather than “I don’t deserve this.”
Financial and time barriers certainly exist, but those with strong self-worth find ways to start small when resources are limited. Perhaps they check out library books, watch free online tutorials, or dedicate just fifteen minutes daily to learning something new. The size of the investment matters less than the underlying belief that they deserve growth and development.
Psychological benefits from learning and growth create positive cycles for self-esteem maintenance. Each new skill acquired or insight gained provides evidence of capability and potential. Someone who learns to play guitar, completes an online course, or works through emotional patterns in therapy builds confidence in their ability to change and improve. These experiences counter negative self-narratives and create momentum for continued personal development. Meanwhile, those with low self-esteem often believe growth is for other people or that they lack the capability to change meaningfully.
8. They accept compliments and positive feedback gracefully.
Graceful acceptance of praise distinguishes those with healthy self-esteem from individuals who deflect or minimize positive feedback. When someone acknowledges their work, appearance, or character, they respond with simple gratitude: “Thank you, I appreciate that” rather than immediately contradicting the compliment or deflecting attention elsewhere.
Humility and self-deprecation represent entirely different responses. Humility acknowledges praise without inflating ego or diminishing others. Self-deprecation reflexively minimizes or contradicts positive feedback, suggesting that the compliment is undeserved or inaccurate. Someone might respond to “You did great on that presentation” with “Oh, it was nothing special” or “I just got lucky.”
Imposter syndrome frequently underlies compliment deflection. Those experiencing it fear that accepting praise will expose them as frauds who don’t actually deserve recognition. Their internal voice insists that acknowledging positive feedback will set unrealistic expectations that they can’t meet. Additionally, many feel obligated to immediately reciprocate compliments, as if accepting praise without returning it feels selfish. People with healthy self-esteem can receive compliments without feeling fraudulent or pressured to immediately compliment others in return.
9. They forgive themselves for past mistakes.
Self-forgiveness represents one of the most challenging yet essential aspects of healthy self-esteem. Those who practice it understand the difference between taking accountability for their actions and engaging in endless self-punishment. When they’ve caused harm, they make appropriate amends and commit to different choices moving forward, but they don’t continue beating themselves up indefinitely.
Accountability involves honestly examining one’s role in a situation, understanding the impact of one’s choices, and taking responsibility for making things right when possible. Self-attack, conversely, involves harsh judgment, name-calling, and punishment that serves no constructive purpose. Someone might think: “I handled that poorly and hurt someone I care about. I’ll apologize sincerely and work on managing my stress better,” versus, “I’m a terrible person who always ruins everything.”
Low self-esteem often manifests as impossibly high standards combined with merciless self-criticism when those standards aren’t met. These individuals hold themselves to perfection while extending grace to others for similar mistakes. Their rumination keeps them trapped in cycles of guilt and shame that prevent healing and growth. Meanwhile, those with healthy self-regard recognize that mistakes are part of being human and that learning requires the freedom to fail without permanent condemnation.
10. They speak to themselves with kindness and respect.
Internal dialogue profoundly shapes both self-perception and behavior patterns. Those with healthy self-esteem maintain encouraging, supportive inner voices that offer guidance and comfort during difficult times. When challenges arise, their self-talk resembles how a wise, caring friend might speak to them.
Individuals with low self-esteem exhibit common negative thinking patterns such as catastrophizing (assuming the worst possible outcome), all-or-nothing thinking (seeing situations in black and white extremes), and mind-reading (assuming they know what others think about them). Healthier alternatives involve balanced thinking, considering multiple possibilities, and focusing on facts rather than assumptions.
For example, after making a social mistake, someone with low self-esteem might think: “Everyone probably thinks I’m weird now. I always say the wrong thing. I should just avoid social situations.” A healthier internal response might be: “That felt awkward, but everyone has moments like that. Most people probably didn’t think much of it, and if they did, it’s not the end of the world.”
Transforming self-talk requires conscious attention and practice. Those with healthy self-esteem have learned to catch harsh inner criticism and respond with the same kindness they’d show someone they love facing similar struggles.
11. They invest in their physical health and appearance.
Physical self-care reflects self-respect rather than vanity when approached from healthy self-esteem. These individuals maintain their health, grooming, and appearance because they believe they deserve to feel good in their bodies and present themselves well to the world. Their motivation comes from self-love rather than self-hatred or desperate attempts to gain external approval.
Healthy self-care includes regular medical checkups, nutritious eating habits, movement that feels good, adequate sleep, and personal grooming that aligns with their preferences and lifestyle. The approach feels nurturing rather than punitive, focused on overall well-being rather than achieving specific aesthetic standards imposed by others.
Low self-esteem can manifest in two extreme ways regarding physical care. Some individuals neglect their health and appearance entirely, believing they don’t deserve care or that their physical state doesn’t matter. Others become obsessed with their appearance, driven by fears that their worth depends entirely on how they look to others. Both extremes stem from the same underlying belief that their inherent value is questionable, leading to either neglect or desperate attempts to earn worth through physical perfection.
12. They ask for help when needed.
Recognizing limitations and seeking assistance demonstrates strength and self-awareness for those with healthy self-esteem. Whether they need technical support at work, emotional guidance from a therapist, or practical help moving to a new home, they reach out without shame or lengthy internal debates about whether their need is valid enough.
Hyper-independence often masks deep insecurity and fear of appearing incompetent or burdensome. Someone might struggle for hours with a task that a colleague could help resolve in minutes, or endure emotional pain alone rather than risk being seen as weak or needy. Their internal narrative suggests that needing help proves inadequacy or that asking will result in rejection or judgment.
Vulnerability is required to ask for assistance, which can feel terrifying when self-esteem is fragile. Those with low self-worth often suffer in silence, believing they should be able to handle everything independently or that others are too busy to care about their struggles. Meanwhile, people with healthy self-regard understand that interdependence is natural and that most people actually appreciate opportunities to help when asked respectfully. They recognize that accepting help creates connection and allows others to feel valuable, too.
13. They allow themselves to feel and express emotions fully.
Emotional self-acceptance characterizes those with healthy self-esteem, who can experience the full range of human feelings without judgment or suppression. Whether they feel joy, sadness, anger, fear, or excitement, they allow these emotions to exist and move through them naturally rather than fighting against or hiding from their emotional experiences.
Authentic emotional expression strengthens relationships and self-understanding. When someone can share their genuine feelings appropriately, they invite deeper connections with others and gain clarity about their own needs and values. Their emotions serve as valuable information about their inner world and external circumstances.
Fear of being “too much” often drives emotional suppression in those with low self-esteem. They worry that showing sadness will burden others, that expressing anger will damage relationships, or that displaying excitement will seem childish or inappropriate. Some emotions feel completely unacceptable to them—perhaps anger if they were taught it was dangerous, or joy if their family dismissed positive feelings as naive.
Healthy emotional regulation differs significantly from suppression. Regulation involves feeling emotions fully while choosing appropriate times, places, and ways to express them. Suppression attempts to eliminate or ignore emotions entirely, which typically leads to emotional buildup and eventual explosion or depression.
These Behaviors Can Actually Grow Your Self-Esteem Over Time
Remarkably, someone struggling with low self-esteem can begin building healthier self-regard by simply practicing the behaviors outlined above, even when they don’t feel worthy yet. Starting with small acts like accepting a compliment without deflecting, taking a rest break without guilt, or speaking to themselves slightly more kindly can create gradual shifts in how they perceive their own value. These behaviors don’t require feeling confident first—they can be the pathway to developing that confidence.
Each choice to honor personal needs, celebrate achievements, practice self-compassion, or invest in growth strengthens the foundation of self-worth. These behaviors create positive cycles where increased self-esteem leads to better choices, which generate more positive experiences and further reinforce healthy self-regard. The journey requires patience and practice, as years of negative self-treatment don’t transform overnight.
Building a life on the foundation of healthy self-esteem creates ripple effects that extend far beyond individual well-being. When people truly believe in their inherent worth, they contribute to workplaces, communities, and relationships from a place of abundance rather than a desperate need for validation. Their confidence becomes contagious, inspiring others to treat themselves with greater kindness and respect.
Perhaps most beautifully, those who develop genuine self-esteem often become beacons for others who are still struggling. Without preaching or trying to fix anyone, their way of being in the world demonstrates what’s possible when someone truly believes they deserve love, respect, and care.
