If someone you know has ever been on the receiving end of punishment from a vindictive person, you know how badly that behavior can end up destroying someone’s life. Upsetting the wrong individual — even unintentionally — can result in irreparable damage if that person is the vindictive type.
So what makes these people so very dangerous to cross? The answer is that most of them share the following traits, which keep them focused on revenge rather than resolution, by any means necessary.
1. They often interpret neutral behavior as a personal attack.
Everyone messes up and hurts others at times. We’ve all been guilty of doing so, even if it was unintentional. The problem is that vindictive people interpret any behavior that hurts them as an intended attack and refuse to look at the actual intention behind it.
For example, an acquaintance of mine whose relationship ended a couple of years ago has been talking about punishing her now-ex in some fashion to “get back” at him. They both treated each other poorly during the relationship, but she’s entirely fixated on revenge for him not loving her enough and not seeing her value as a partner.
In reality, they were poorly suited to one another from the beginning, but chose to remain together for a while because it was convenient and beneficial to them both. She refuses to see reason about this, however, and keeps her anger smoldering on a back burner until the opportunity arises to stick it to him somehow.
2. They will be quick to dehumanize anyone whom they believe has crossed them.
When vindictive people feel that others have crossed them, they’ll instantly use something about that person that they dislike to dehumanize them in their eyes. By “othering” them, they feel less (if any) remorse about doing harmful things toward them.
Some may focus on a person’s skin color or cultural background, while others may place emphasis on religion or sexual preference. Another common approach is to sling a psychological label or diagnosis at that individual, most often if they have no formal training to be able to do so. As soon as they’ve been able to lessen that other person sufficiently, they feel free to attack them at will.
3. They show little care for how character assassination may affect the rest of a person’s life.
Let’s say a vindictive person is romantically interested in someone, and that other person doesn’t reciprocate their attention. Or even worse, they’re interested in their friend instead. That vindictive individual will take this as a personal affront and will seek to punish the object of their (unrequited) affection for having hurt them, even though it wasn’t intentional.
One way they may do this is to assassinate that person’s character, such as telling others that they had committed some heinous act, like assault or using hate speech towards someone vulnerable.
The goal is to make others dislike them, or worse, see that person legally punished, even though they’re completely innocent. They don’t think about how this action may affect the rest of that person’s life, nor do they care: all they’re focused on is making that person suffer, by any means possible.
4. Lack of conscience or remorse.
One of the most frightening things about vindictive people is their apparent lack of conscience or remorse when it comes to the retribution they’re keen to dole out. They’re fully aware that their actions may cause terrible harm to the person they’re punishing, but they don’t care. All that matters is that the person they’re angry with “pays” to their satisfaction.
For example, let’s say that someone feels like one of their coworkers snubbed them at work. Maybe that person didn’t give them enough credit for a job that they did, or they didn’t invite them to a party that most other colleagues were invited to.
The vindictive individual may spread a rumor that said coworker has been stealing from the company, which would lead to a formal investigation and possible punishment. They might even frame that person for theft if they’re feeling particularly slighted. If and when they’re ever confronted about their actions, they’ll simply shrug and state that the one they punished got what they deserved.
5. Complete confidence in their own righteousness.
One of the most dangerous things about vindictive people is that they feel that they’re completely justified in whatever they do. Their sense of righteousness is so fervent that they refuse to believe otherwise.
It doesn’t matter what evidence others may bring that contradict their chosen stance: they’ll steadfastly ignore it. To them, their perspective is the only correct one, and if anybody tries to convince them differently, then that person is an enemy as well. Their thinking is very black-and white: “this person is either with me or against me”.
6. Absolute adherence to their own narrative.
They’ll pick and choose from bits of information to create their story, and stick to it, even if it makes no logical, rational sense whatsoever. All that matters to them is the story that they’ve spun about what happened. Their feelings matter more than facts ever will.
Furthermore, they’ll get really angry if and when anyone else tries to explain things from another person’s perspective. They’ll lash out with accusations about gaslighting, manipulation, etc., and behave as though others are trying to make them “feel crazy”. They’ll spread their narrative around to get others on their side, and will claim that any arguments to the contrary are lies and attacks against their character.
7. Willingness to self-destruct in order to hurt others.
Vindictive people seem to be fine with sinking the boat they’re on as long as that action will also drown the person they want to get back at. These are the types of people who honestly don’t seem to care what happens to them as long as they’re able to get back at those whom they feel have hurt or disrespected them.
Whatever consequences may ensue from their actions don’t matter, and most people have no idea how bad this can be. There are few things as dangerous as a person who isn’t afraid of getting hurt by getting revenge. A person who’s willing to set themselves on fire in order to burn another should be avoided at all costs, as crossing them can have devastating consequences.
8. Sadistic amusement at others’ suffering.
We all laugh at people who experience moments of instant karma, but vindictive people’s amusement goes beyond simple schadenfreude. They seem to take extreme, almost visceral pleasure from seeing others suffer if they feel that they deserve it.
This feeling may not be based on any kind of reality, but that doesn’t matter. To them, whatever feelings they have are valid and deserve to be acted upon. There’s little to no compassion or empathy for anyone else’s suffering: the only thing that matters to them is experiencing the sweet satisfaction of revenge.
Final thoughts…
Most of the time, we only clue in to people’s true nature in hindsight. We’re often so blinded by good feelings towards a new friend or lover that we overlook red flags when they arise, only to become painfully aware of them in retrospect.
If you notice the traits listed here in people you meet, be sure to keep your guard up around them. Being forewarned may mean the difference between a peaceful existence and having your life turned into hell on earth because you accidentally upset the wrong person.
“Thus I counsel you, my friends: Mistrust all in whom the impulse to punish is powerful.”
― Friedrich Nietzsche
