Very few people reach middle age without being taken advantage of in some shape or form. Some experience this mistreatment at the hands of employers, while others may experience it from parents, partners, friends, or neighbors.
We often feel like idiots after the fact because we think we “should have known better”, when in reality we usually just acted in good faith and assumed the other person was doing the same. That said, if you don’t want to ever be taken advantage of again, the following actions can help.
1. Know your enemy.
This one may sound a bit dramatic, but hear me out: the basics behind this approach are to “trust, but verify”. If your intuition is telling you to be wary about a person (especially if they seem too good to be true), then there’s no harm in doing some recon about them. Ask around your social circle to find out if anyone knows details about this person and how their affiliations have been treated in the past.
For example, you may find out that the person who wants you to work on an incredibly appealing project with them has failed to pay their staff in the past, and has several failed businesses under their belt. Or, that the individual you’ve gone on a few dates with so far has been married seven times and has had assault charges laid against them on more than one occasion.
Whilst everyone deserves a second chance, finding out vital details, particularly about repeat offences, may help you avoid serious damage, as well as being taken advantage of by a shady character.
2. Watch your words.
This has two aspects to it:
- Be careful what you share, and with whom.
- Be diligent about how you phrase things when interacting with others.
When it comes to tip #1, don’t divulge any sensitive information to a person until you’ve gotten to know them well. Trust takes time. You might really connect with someone and want to bare your soul to them, but they might take that information and use it as leverage against you.
With regard to tip #2, be very careful about how you word things. Those who seek to gain an advantage over others are quick to take things out of context and twist them in a way that offers them some benefit. This can be particularly detrimental if you make an offhand comment online that someone misconstrues and then tries to use against you.
3. Deal with them in public.
Few techniques are quite as effective as public shaming. Most people who take advantage of and mistreat others do so (and get away with it) because they do it in private. As such, if a person has taken advantage of you in the past, don’t engage with them privately ever again. Instead, ensure that you meet up with them in a public place, and have others with you whom you trust.
Most people who engage in predatory practices don’t want anyone to clue into their behavior. By addressing it in public and putting the spotlight on them, they’re far more likely to back down or behave better.
Case in point: a relative of mine was notorious for breaking his word about compensating me for work I’d done for him until I learned to both get his word and approach him for remuneration afterwards when there were witnesses about. He had no qualms whatsoever about screwing me over, but he’d be damned if random strangers ever thought poorly of him.
4. Take stock of your personal security.
Never ever fall into the trap of letting your guard down and believing that things will work out just fine as long as you have happy thoughts and live a good life. Even the most pious and socially responsible people can fall victim to other people’s evil machinations, so it’s important to take stock of your personal security and do what you need to do to ensure it.
For example, if you had an ex of questionable character and you think they may still have a key to your house (or any of your passwords), change them immediately. Similarly, if you’re travelling, don’t keep all of your money in your wallet or in your purse. Disperse funds in things like a money belt under your clothes, in a secret shoe pocket, etc., along with copies of your papers. That way, on the off chance that you get robbed, you won’t be left lost and destitute.
5. Be vigilant.
Most people are inclined to avert their eyes if a group of scary folks prowls by, but that opens them up to an unseen blow, or worse. In all places, be it at work or home or anywhere in between, maintain vigilance with all your senses. That way, if and when you see a nasty group approaching in the far distance, you can cross the road, alter your course, or sit in a cafe for a bit until they’ve moved on.
One thing many people do to their own detriment is that they distract or numb their senses when they’re out and about. Some walk down the street with their eyes glued to their phones, while others have earbuds in, blasting music to drown out the traffic. While these approaches are understandable — especially if you have social anxiety or if you get overstimulated by a lot of bustle around you — the downside is that it can stop you from being aware of things that may cause you harm.
6. Get it in writing.
It’s lovely to think of the kind of world in which people keep their word and treat each other with respect and decency, but the reality is that many folks try to screw each other over whenever the opportunity presents itself. As such, don’t rely on anyone giving you their word or shaking hands to confirm an agreement. The days in which someone’s word was their bond have long since passed, so it’s crucial to get anything important in writing.
This creates a written contract that offers you legal protection in case the other individual decides to renege on their part of the bargain. If the parameters haven’t been stipulated in writing (even in email exchanges), then they’re pretty much impossible to prove. In contrast, if they’ve been clearly spelled out and signed off on, you have the grounds to take legal action if they try to mess with you.
7. Practice being friendly steel.
One can often tell if a person has spent time in the military, or has otherwise gone through a rigorous (or difficult) experience that required self-sufficiency, initiative, and both the willingness and the ability to endure hardship. They’re friendly enough when you meet them, but they keep their distance — both physically and emotionally. Essentially, they’ll offer a polite smile or helpful advice, but have a strong sense of “thou shalt not F with me” about them.
Even if you haven’t been through similar experiences, you can still cultivate a similar demeanor. Be reserved in your interactions rather than effusive, and don’t hesitate to let people know when they’re prying or overstepping. Furthermore, ensure that you’re as healthy and well-fed as possible. The more capable you are — mentally, physically, and emotionally — the less others will view you as an easy target. Nefarious types often seek to take advantage of those they assume to be weak and tractable, so make sure that nobody could ever view you that way.
Final thoughts…
If people have taken advantage of you in the past, please try not to be ashamed. It means that you’re a genuinely good person, not a gullible pushover. This was a case of some nefarious creature(s) using your kindness as a means of screwing you over. That’s on them, not you.
But by putting the actions mentioned here into regular practice, you can do your best to ensure that nobody ever takes advantage of you again. Furthermore, by telling others about what those unscrupulous jerks did, you may prevent them from being harmed by those creatures as well.
