You’ve likely noticed how some people will call others weak or cowardly if they behave in a manner that’s different from what’s expected of them. Anything that goes against their ideal will be tossed into a bin labelled cowardice. In reality, many actions that some people see as weak are, in fact, terribly courageous, which is apparent to those who have enough open-mindedness and maturity to see them properly.
1. Apologizing and making amends when you have erred.
A lot of people hold to the idea that apologizing for something they’ve done wrong will make them appear weak in other people’s eyes. As such, if and when they do something that hurts someone else, they’ll either try to justify that behavior or insist on moving past it as soon as possible. To them, admitting the mistake means admitting wrongdoing, which will make them lose face and appear pathetic.
In reality, admitting to wrongdoing — and furthermore, making amends by taking actions such as changing behavior or doing something to make up for their behavior — shows immense strength of character. It’s not easy to admit vulnerability, and harder still to own up to the fact that you messed up. After all, doing so gives the other person the opportunity to punish you rather than forgiving you and working with you towards a resolution.
As such, many will see your attempts to make up for your transgressions as weak and cowardly, rather than recognizing it for the quiet strength that’s being exhibited. Fortunately, those who are worthy of you will see the honor in it and reciprocate accordingly.
2. Recognizing your legitimate limitations.
An astonishing number of people will feel immediate contempt towards someone who refuses to do something that they know is beyond their capabilities. In their minds, acknowledging limitations is like accepting defeat, and that truly courageous people would only ever see these limitations as a challenge to be overcome.
In reality, it takes a good deal of self-awareness, humility, and courage to recognize when something is beyond you. By doing so, you may avoid severe damage, illness, or injury — whether to yourself or those around you. It’s far better (and braver) to admit when you’re out of your depth. Admitting your inability honestly, rather than making excuses to those around you, takes a lot of personal grit and should be admired instead of mocked.
3. Walking away from conflict.
Many of us were raised with the idea that we should never back down from a confrontation, and that walking away shows weakness. As such, if we turn and walk away from a conflict rather than engaging with it, others may perceive that action as weak or cowardly. In reality, it’s an act of immense discernment in choosing which conflicts actually deserve your energy, rather than rising to bait that could result in a detrimental outcome for you.
Now, some conflicts need to be had. If you’re standing up for yourself or your family, or protecting someone vulnerable, then these are important moments that require your engagement. That said, engaging in prideful, pointless arguments for no reason other than the perception of “winning” is a waste of time and energy. Don’t play into games in which people are goading you in an attempt to force your hand. Save your energy for the conflicts that truly matter.
4. Not reacting in kind.
Quite often, when a person starts being rude and hurling insults in your direction, they expect you to do the same thing in return. It’s very frustrating to those who want to provoke you into a fight when you don’t respond with anything rude in kind. In just about every situation in which I’ve responded to baiting with a genial “Alright, have a good night!”, the other person has gotten angry and implied — loudly — that I was a coward.
For many people, their knee-jerk reaction to being insulted is to push back. This escalation isn’t wise, as it often leads to events that can’t be undone. Furthermore, it shows that you can easily be baited. If you respond with class and grace instead of a reciprocal attack, you prove yourself to be the “better person,” while the instigator appears as brutish and stupid.
5. Being quiet about your strength.
Those who are unfamiliar with true strength often think that the biggest, loudest person in the room, who’s being rude and belligerent about how tough they are, is the strongest person. In reality, it’s the quiet person who’s keeping themselves to themselves and watching everything from a good vantage point that’s often the truly strong one.
This is because sincerely strong people don’t have to broadcast their strength. They’re confident in their own abilities, and other people’s perceptions of them don’t really matter. In contrast, weaker individuals are often keenly aware of their personal shortcomings and try to compensate by posturing loudly. In fact, those who are truly weak often try to pick on those they perceive as weak in order to feel stronger, rather than exhibiting true strength of body and character.
6. Demonstrating kindness over rudeness.
More often than not, the strongest people you’ll ever meet are those who choose to be kind. For some of them, they may have had a lapse of control in the past and done someone a great deal of damage as a result. Alternatively, they may have witnessed abuse when they were too young to step in to stop it, and that inspired gentleness in them in adulthood. Essentially, they endeavor to be kind as often as they can, in order to mitigate the already great suffering in this world.
Unfortunately, many people will see their kind actions as weak rather than noble. In their mind, strong, powerful individuals are those who mock, use, and show malice towards others simply because they can. As though having people fear them reflects their power and capability. In reality, the strongest people are often those who are capable of causing hurt or harm, but who choose not to.
7. Showing mercy.
Only the very strongest amongst us are able to show mercy. In many faiths, it’s considered one of the highest acts of virtue. Whether physical or mental, many people strive to drive the boot into a fallen individual, whether a friend or a foe.
Some take a great amount of pleasure from this act, but that in itself is a further condemnation of their own weakness. They couldn’t face their fallen adversary fairly. They had to wait until they were already down.
Conversely, showing mercy to someone you have defeated, whether it’s in a legal dispute, a workplace drama, or any other argument, is tremendously noble and shows true inner power. You have chosen not to hurt or destroy, even when the other clearly had bad intentions and wanted to hurt you. That said, be wary when you do show mercy: be careful not to afford the one you did this kindness to any room to hurt you in return.
8. Walking away from something that’s technically successful but has stagnated.
If you’ve walked away from a career or marriage that seemed perfect to everyone around you, and to them you ended for “no good reason,” then you’ve probably been berated by them for weakness, cowardice, or simply being a fool who didn’t recognize what a good thing you had when you had it.
However, it takes immense strength of will to go against the inclination to “stick with what’s working” to follow a calling that, for whatever reason, lies elsewhere. Whether you’re choosing a different career path, a new relationship, the single life, or adventure in another country, others will question your choices. They may well call you a quitter, rather than seeing or acknowledging just how much strength and courage it takes to abandon a safe, comfortable life for the unknown.
Final thoughts…
It’s good to have a lodestar in your life that helps to guide your actions, whether it’s a spiritual or ethical principle that you hold to, or a person whom you admire and aspire to be like. In my case, my grandfather was the most honorable man I have ever known, and I’ve often asked myself how he would have behaved in a given situation.
Remember, if you act in a way that reinforces your integrity, a way that would make those you hold in high regard nod in approval, then it doesn’t matter if others think you’re weak or cowardly. You know your true strength.
