Do you remember when you were in school, and the teacher announced that you needed to team up with someone or join a group for a project? Some people (usually the extroverts) got ridiculously excited by the prospect of working with others, while others (hello introverts!) groaned inwardly and resigned themselves to their fate.
Whilst society generally favors the extrovert, those who fall into the latter category often grow up to be extremely self-sufficient adults who can happily and comfortably do the following things alone.
1. Living by themselves.
In the same way that many people don’t feel comfortable with silence and always need to have a TV or radio playing, over half of the population feels lonely when they live by themselves. They feel happier and more secure when they share a living space with at least one other person whom they can talk to, share meals with, divide chores with, and so on.
Interestingly, those who dislike living alone tend to be those who benefit greatly from living with others. They often don’t have the same wide range of skill sets that self-sufficient individuals have, and end up leaning heavily on partners or housemates for things like cooking, cleaning, home maintenance, and personal management. Meanwhile, the loner types can do all of these tasks on their own and would rather handle everything themselves than give up a whisper of their blessed solitude.
2. Traveling solo.
It’s understandable that many people are nervous about travelling solo to places they’ve never been before. Others dislike travelling alone because they want to share their fun experiences with another person. Truly self-sufficient individuals, however, love to travel on their own because they have free rein to do whatever they like, whenever they like, rather than being tethered to someone else’s itinerary.
When you travel with another person, you’re usually obligated to do what they want at least some of the time. For example, you may wake up so hungover that all you want to do is lie in stillness and darkness all day, but your bouncy bestie or partner has decided that you’re going to go on a ceviche-tasting bonanza and whines until you acquiesce.
Self-sufficient people don’t have to worry about any of that. They are confident in their ability to navigate any travel difficulty, and as a result, they get to indulge entirely in their own schedules.
3. Dining alone
I used to travel a great deal for work, and one of my favorite things to do while travelling was to sample the local cuisine whenever possible. Many of my colleagues (who travelled just as much) would get takeout and eat in their hotel rooms so nobody would think they were weird or pathetic for eating alone at a restaurant, but I loved the experience.
I could order anything I liked without judgment, and take as much time to eat as I liked. While I occasionally took a novel or puzzle book with me, I usually just enjoyed the scenery. Since there was no need to entertain a dining partner with exhausting small talk, I was free to observe frolicking sea lions or admire ancient architecture as the sun set. If you’ve never dined by yourself, I highly recommend that you take yourself on a date sometime soon so you can try it out.
4. Taking classes without someone they know on hand.
How many times have people you know mentioned how much they’d love to take a particular class, but they don’t want to do it by themselves? Whether they want to take a cooking class, pottery making, or something more academic, they only feel comfortable doing that if someone they know goes along with them. Otherwise, they might feel awkward about not knowing anyone and would probably quit.
This often happens to people who experience anxiety around socializing. Since they worry about others judging their social performance, they prefer to be in the company of those they already know.
On the other hand, self-sufficient people love to pursue these things on their own. They’re confident in their social skills (or are simply ambivalent to them) and generally aren’t going for the socializing anyway. They’re quite happy to tuck themselves into a corner to do their own thing undisturbed.
5. Spending the holidays by themselves.
Although spending the holidays with friends and family gives many people the warm fuzzies, many other people are much happier when they celebrate by themselves. For them, the bliss of solitude and the ability to spend festivities the way they like, without compromise or drama, is something they cherish too much to ever give up.
Some of them create holiday rituals that they celebrate at home, such as ordering a particular type of food to eat while they watch their favorite seasonal movies. Others go on vacation and spend the holidays sipping fancy drinks in a German castle hotel room or on a Caribbean beach.
Far from being sad or lonely about not being with family during the festive season, they have a zero-stress, relaxing time full of gorgeous landscapes and all the pampering they could dream of.
6. Building things singlehandedly.
Most people prefer to do things like home renovations or furniture assembly with other people — either because they find it more satisfying to work as a team, or because they can pool their skills to get things done the way they envisioned. On the other hand, truly self-sufficient people often prefer to do these things alone.
Not only can they create their vision without the need to compromise, but they also avoid the potential arguments that can arise while working with others. They need a wide range of skills to do these projects, of course, so they’re likely proficient with power tools and can do basic carpentry and plumbing as well. They don’t feel lonely while engaging in these pursuits, but can instead focus without interruption and feel immense satisfaction with what they have achieved.
7. Going camping.
Although the prospect of camping solo can be intimidating for many people, it’s an immensely satisfying experience. Being alone out in the woods is as peaceful as it is empowering, and if you’re roughing it rather than “glamping”, it also requires a significant amount of self-sufficiency.
Without another person present, you need to be able to set up camp, create a fire to keep you warm, and cook your food outdoors, all of which require specific skills. That said, smart preparation is part of what makes a solo camper truly self-sufficient — people who do it, and do it safely, always let someone know their location and expected return, and carry a charged phone or personal locator beacon in areas with poor cell service. They’ve risk assessed the area and conditions thoroughly.
And once the prep work is done, they’re self-confident enough to sit back and relax beneath a sea of stars, knowing they can handle anything that may occur while they’re out there.
8. Handling difficult situations without any external support.
When faced with a challenging or emotionally difficult situation, many people immediately ask others for advice, help, and support. They’re often too overwhelmed or anxious to deal with these things on their own, and feel immensely lonely and depressed if they don’t have a social net to lean on.
This is in stark contrast to a thoroughly self-sufficient person who often prefers to navigate difficulties on their own. Maybe they’re going to the courthouse solo to file for divorce, or getting treatment for a serious health challenge. Whatever it is they’re doing, they’d rather do these things alone. For many of them, navigating — and overcoming — these things alone makes them feel empowered and capable, rather than sad or lonely.
Final thoughts…
An individual who’s comfortable in their own company and confident in their abilities usually experiences less loneliness than one who needs other people and the skills they provide. While we may enjoy other people’s company, we rarely enjoy it quite as much as we appreciate solitude and the ability to live life on our own terms. Similarly, those we choose to spend time with know that they’re in our lives because we sincerely appreciate them. We can do pretty much everything ourselves, so inviting them to share our company is a choice, rather than a need.
