There are so many people who undermine their success before they even get started. They do that by confining themselves to little boxes they believe they fit in. They tell themselves they are this or that, which limits their thinking about what they could be and how their lives could unfold.
Not to mention so many people quit before they ever really try. How do you avoid that trap? You avoid it by changing these eight behaviors.
1. You treat failure and discomfort as an end instead of a signal.
People have a challenging relationship with failure. Far too many people view failure as a hard stop, an end to whatever it is they were doing. But it doesn’t have to be. Successful people don’t view failure as the end of a situation. Instead, they view it as a signal that what they’re doing isn’t working, so they have to find a different path.
They pivot onto something else that makes sense. Maybe they need to try a new approach, one that utilizes the wisdom they’ve gained along the way. Personally, as someone with Bipolar Disorder, I fell down the rabbit hole of viewing failure as a hard stop because I failed at so many things in life because of my mental illness.
When I’m unwell, I don’t make the best decisions. I eventually had to learn to sit with the discomfort and accept that I’d made poor choices that had contributed to the failure, rather than seeing it as the end. I had to ask myself, “What other angle can I approach the problem from? What can still lead me to the goal I want to reach?”
2. You assume your current identity is who you will always be.
I’ve come to dislike the way we think about the “authentic self.” The common point of view is that the real you is a statue buried under the ruins of life and trauma. That you need to go in and start chipping away at the trauma to unearth your authentic self. That’s not the case.
Your authentic self is a living organism, something that can change and evolve with time. It’s something that you can be a proactive participant in creating if that is what you choose to do. As an example, do you have the same opinions that you held ten years ago? Probably not. You learned new things, you grew, you matured, and your authentic self changed.
The same thing will happen tomorrow, and you can guide that evolution through your actions, if you choose to.
3. You wait for inspiration instead of taking action.
Inspiration is the biggest crutch for creating anything worthwhile. It boggles the mind to think of how many innovations we have lost out on because someone with the ability was sitting around, waiting for inspiration to arrive. These folks never entertain the idea of, “What if inspiration never arrives?”
As a writer, that’s a question I’ve been asked often. “How do you find the inspiration and motivation to write?” I don’t. I just sit down and do it. If it sucks, I edit what I wrote until it doesn’t suck. But you can’t edit a blank page. You have to actually sit down and put the words on the paper (or a word processor).
I view inspiration as a cherry on top. It’s nice to have it, but it’s not necessary for me to enjoy this ice cream.
4. You think about change more than you work at change.
All of the thinking and planning in the world doesn’t mean anything if you never take action. Action is what leads to an outcome. If thoughts did it, the world would be a utopia, and everyone would be living their best life. At some point, thinking about change leads to diminishing returns. Not only that, but overthinking will kill your joy. You end up just constantly going over the same information, looking for breadcrumbs that may not be there.
Stop thinking so much. Make a reasonable plan and execute it. If you find that things don’t work out along the way, look for a different approach. You have the internet at your fingertips. Whatever problem you’re going through, someone else has undoubtedly faced it, too. The answers are out there, so there’s no reason to trap yourself in circular thoughts and analysis paralysis.
5. You use your past to avoid your present.
On the one hand, it’s important to understand where you’ve come from in your journey of life. On the other hand, the past can become a hindrance because it can cause you to limit your ability. For example, my friend Amanda hesitated about going back to college for a long time as an adult. She tried to go after high school, but didn’t do well and washed out.
In her 30s, she was thinking about it again, but struggled because she was clinging to that past her. But the fact of the matter is that she wasn’t a struggling teenager anymore. She was a mature adult who held full-time employment, juggled her kids, and conducted her life. She was a far different person from who she used to be, and when she went back, she did great.
6. You’ve built routines around comfort instead of growth.
One of the worst things you can do for your personal growth is to build comfortable routines. Is comfort nice? Of course. The problem is that comfortable isn’t necessarily healthy. There are a lot of people who are comfortable in chaos and bad situations because the bad situations feel familiar. The problem is that nothing new and interesting can happen in that cycle of predictability.
Instead, you have to change up those old routines. You need to do different things if you want to have different outcomes. Otherwise, you just fall into a rut and get stuck there, unable to move forward.
7. You avoid being seen until you’re polished.
Far too many people are afraid of being seen in anything less than optimal conditions. They want to be a perfectly polished project before they put themselves out there. Many of them are afraid of being judged. What if someone thinks less of me for being imperfect? What if I don’t get everything right on the first pass? What if…?
What if you stopped caring about that, instead? The thing is, the people who judge you aren’t worth listening to in the first place. Why would any reasonable, decent person judge someone who is trying their best? The answer is – they wouldn’t. Why live your life to the standards of people who would be judgmental of you? They’re not living your life. They won’t suffer the victory or loss. You do. Why does their opinion matter?
The truth is – their opinion doesn’t matter at all.
8. You underestimate how much control you truly have.
The winds of fate don’t blow haphazardly. You are not at the total mercy of fate with no say in the matter of your future or development. Still, so many people sacrifice their agency because of their limiting beliefs. They say, “This is outside of my control,” and then give up, rather than trying to exert control where they are able to.
What you will find as you reach out and try to guide your fate is that the world will respond to you in kind. You may find new opportunities open up ahead of you on the road of life. You’d be surprised how many people want to help you along your way when they see you trying. And even if they don’t, you may wind up surprising yourself!
In closing…
You are ultimately the sole creator of the life that you want. Any limiting beliefs that you place on yourself will affect your present and future. The truth of the matter is that we are often not an accurate judge of our own skills and talents. That’s where things like low self-esteem or self-doubt can creep into the picture.
Don’t let it. Instead, look at failures as pivot points and proof that you’re trying. After all, anyone can be a critic. It takes a decisive person to create the kind of life they want to have. Are you that person?
