Just about all of us have been in a situation where someone has asked if they could jump the queue ahead of us. This could have happened in a number of different circumstances and for many different reasons. And, believe it or not, whether someone allows them to do so — and how they respond to them doing so — says a great deal about their personality.
For good or ill, those who let others go ahead of them in line when there’s a good reason for it often share the traits listed below:
1. The ability to empathize with other people’s experiences, even if they can’t personally relate to them.
To have empathy means having the ability to “step into another’s shoes” in order to understand their perspective, and hopefully relate to their emotions. People who naturally have a strong sense of empathy (or who have developed one) generally try to understand what others may be feeling at that time and decide what to do accordingly.
Importantly, it’s worth noting that they may not always be able to directly relate to the other person’s situation, particularly if they haven’t had the experience themselves. But they can see that the feelings are genuinely real and important to the person in question.
For instance, a person may let someone with chronic pain go ahead, understanding that even if they haven’t experienced it themselves, what that person is feeling is very real and very exhausting.
2. A genuine, altruistic concern for the people around them.
Being altruistic involves sincerely caring about other people’s well-being, without any benefit to oneself. When an altruistic person sees another asking to go ahead, and they can sense that this individual is going through a rough patch, they’re likely to allow them to go ahead.
Maybe that person is feeling seriously unwell, or is dealing with a challenging personal issue, and all they want to do is get home as quickly as possible. The one who lets them go ahead may not be in a rush to get anywhere, so they’ll let the other one take their spot on the train that’s just arrived, or take the next taxi. And more often than not, kind little gestures like these can make an extraordinary difference to someone who’s struggling terribly.
3. Compassion that drives them to act.
Compassion differs from empathy because it takes it one step further. It not only recognizes when someone is suffering, but it also gives us a strong desire to alleviate it. Some people are naturally more compassionate, but it’s also something that’s often borne through adverse life experiences. Those of us who have experienced hardships can recognize when others are dealing with similar ones and are often driven to act.
Compassion allows us to be gracious when we see someone suffering, such as letting them jump the queue ahead of us when they obviously need to do so.
I’ve been in situations where an exhausted parent with diapers and formula in their basket has asked to go ahead of me at the grocery store, for example, or when someone having a blood sugar crash has whispered a request to order ahead of me at a cafe. It doesn’t cost anything to be kind and understanding, especially when the other person’s need is much greater than our own.
4. The patience to wait without complaint.
In the modern era of everything on demand, many people get impatient when they have to wait for anything, and as such, would get extremely annoyed if and when someone asks to go ahead of them in line. In contrast, patient people can wait as long as they need to without huffing or complaining.
Obstacles and delays are inevitable in life, but griping about them doesn’t change things. Patient people know how to remain calm and still instead of being agitated. Their time will come, and all will be well. Unless the building is on fire or there’s a life-threatening emergency looming, they can wait.
5. The ability to tolerate discomfort.
There are many good reasons for people to jump a queue, which most people with health conditions or small children can attest to. Most of us have had people ask to go ahead of us in a queue because of an impending emergency, or to buy a snack for a little person who’s about to have an incendiary meltdown.
While it may not be one’s favorite thing in the world to hold their bladder for a few more minutes or delay alleviating hunger a little while longer, people who have learned to be comfortable with discomfort can usually do so with ease. A brief bit of discomfort isn’t too high a price to pay to alleviate someone else’s more pressing distress.
6. An instinct to help wherever they can.
The children’s entertainer known as Mr. Rogers encouraged people to always “look for the helpers” when they were going through difficulty. Those who sincerely care about others usually have that kind of “helper” mentality: they’re keen to be kind and supportive whenever they can, and that extends to letting people jump the queue ahead of them when they feel there’s a good reason for it.
A person who lets another cut in line ahead of them is usually a compassionate, empathetic individual who tries to do some good in the world when they can. In addition to letting someone in need go ahead of them, they might even offer to help bag their groceries or carry them out to their vehicle for them. Anything to make someone else’s burden a little bit lighter.
7. An aversion to conflict.
In contrast to the more altruistic traits we’ve already covered, some people allow others to jump the queue ahead of them because they dislike conflict. Even if the other person has a good reason to go ahead in line, a conflict-avoidant person who doesn’t really want to let the person cut in might still let them. They’ll likely feel upset or irritated, but they won’t say or do anything to express that.
Those who prefer to avoid conflict will often smile graciously, and of course, they’ll allow the person to go ahead. If and when others around them complain that they did, they might even leave the queue entirely and wait for everyone else to go on ahead so nobody bothers them about their actions.
8. People-pleasing tendencies.
While the resulting behavior here can mirror that of conflict-avoidant individuals, people pleasers accommodate queue jumpers for different reasons. Rather than wanting to avoid potential tension by speaking up about their annoyance, they see themselves as being kind and benevolent if they allow someone to go ahead of them.
Those with people-pleasing tendencies usually de-prioritize themselves in favor of others, and associate their worth with personal sacrifice. As a result, if they let others go ahead of them, they may be seen as kind and generous by those around them, rather than judged as selfish or mean if they refuse.
9. Keen observational skills.
Being able to read other people’s body language and tune into the energy of a room can be immensely beneficial in any situation. A perfect example of this would be someone who allows another to jump the queue because they sense that not doing so might cause problems, despite the person not asking outright.
For example, someone who looks like they may be mistreated by their partner for taking too long may be ushered ahead in the grocery line if said partner is mean-mugging them through the store window — even if the person hasn’t asked to go ahead themselves. They may be too anxious or afraid to ask, but an observant person can pick up on that unspoken urgency and act on it.
Another example would be noticing that someone may be neurodivergent based on their subtle distress in noisy or chaotic situations, and encouraging them to go ahead so they can leave quickly and get somewhere more comfortable.
Final thoughts…
When it comes to letting someone jump the queue or not, it generally boils down to what will be the most advantageous decision for everyone else involved. Sometimes it’s difficult to triage, such as if you yourself are in a rush to get home to your sick spouse, but there’s a baby screaming to be fed behind you. Ultimately, the best thing we can do is try to be as good to one another as possible, but to honor our own needs and priorities as well.
