Though you’ll find different definitions depending on where you look, self-care can essentially be defined as:
Any deliberate action you take to develop, protect, maintain, and improve your physical, mental, and emotional well-being.
I’ve no doubt that definition will make some people feel marginally uncomfortable. Or perhaps it will even seem like a completely foreign concept, due to a life spent putting everyone else first, or never being taught that your needs matter.
They do.
But there’s more to self-care than just eating an orange, going for a walk to the mailbox and back, and getting good quality sleep (although those things won’t not count).
How about if we branched out a bit, and saw self-care as these 8 things, too? If we did, I think we’d all be living lives that are of pretty impressive quality.
1. Saying no.
We’re going straight to business here! I’ll admit, I’ve had problems saying no in the past.
I have found it painful to say no, in fact, as I lived my first 33 years of my life being afraid of being disliked.
I wanted to keep the peace wherever I could, and if that meant abandoning my boundaries, then so be it. As long as everyone else was happy, I didn’t mind.
Now? Ha! I almost celebrate not being liked if it’s because I’ve said no and it displeases the other person. Because who wants to live their life being used as a convenience and nothing more to someone?
Not me!
I’m far from mean, but I care less and less every day what my reasonable boundaries mean for others.
If I don’t want to do something, I’ll politely decline, and you know what? I feel better, physically and mentally, for doing so.
So could you.
2. Saying yes.
Not many people see saying yes as a form of self-care, and I don’t want you to think I’m now telling you to say yes to people, completely contradicting point #1. That would be pretty terrible writing.
By saying yes, I mean saying yes to yourself. Do we collectively do that enough? I think if we’re honest, the answer unfortunately won’t be a “yes” this time.
Saying yes to yourself can be anything from investing in a physio for the back pain you’ve been struggling with to saying yes to taking some time off for lunch with a friend and a much-needed catch-up.
It can be saying yes to that job offer you’ve been too afraid to take up. It might even mean treating yourself to that theater ticket to see Wicked (do it, honestly).
Remember, self-care is a deliberate, positive action. Saying yes needs to have positive intent behind it (for you), with an outcome you’ll benefit, not suffer, from.
And please, if you do decide to go and see Wicked, I’m happy to tag along. I promise I won’t sing. Much.
3. Filling your lungs with air.
Who here practices diaphragmatic breathing? If you use the diaphragm – a muscle that sits at the base of your lungs – correctly, it has a whole heap of health benefits.
Essentially, rather than take shallow breaths, which teaches your nervous system that you aren’t fully relaxed, diaphragmatic breathing means you take in air that fills your lungs and makes your belly stick out. Not only does it improve lung efficiency, but it also reduces your blood pressure in the moment and tells your nervous system that there’s nothing to worry about.
That’s why you hear phrases like, “Take a deep breath.” The act alone brings people back to their center. That’s a really good place to be for as often as you’re able to, and for many people it’s such an easy way to take care of themselves.
And if attending to your breath has the opposite effect and makes you feel anxious, simply doing some heavy, loud sighs can work wonders too.
We all know how to breathe without thinking about it, but this is breathing 2.0!
4. Walking away from toxic people.
I’m not ashamed of having chosen to walk away from toxic people in my time, and the main culprits are those I’m actually related to.
It’s an increasingly common move people are making, because we’re finally realizing that keeping the wrong company is making us sick.
Whether it’s a friend who doesn’t appreciate you, or someone who insists on making you the scapegoat in their life, eroding your sense of self-worth in the process, it’s high time we at the very least took a major step back from their company wherever possible.
Me? I just went all out and cut them off. And it didn’t go down too well because, of course, I was their main source of emotional and physical fuel, and I was leaving.
My story was becoming more about them than me, and I needed to find out who I was without their controlling behavior circling me like a lion circles its prey.
I’m pleased I vacated the dynamics, to say the least, and I’ve been able to find and prioritize myself since I did.
5. Accepting your limits and understanding the stress they can cause.
Come on, admit it. We all have limits. None of us need to be frantically making our mark on every single day to the point where we burn out.
For many people, stress doesn’t arrive loudly, which may come as a surprise to you. Of course, we can snap and break down, but that is the result of an inward, building level of tension we’ve probably learned to cope with until one day, we break or buckle.
Most of the time, stress just arrives as a steady stream of symptoms and behaviors that signal your nervous system is trapped in a threat response. Like chronic pain, heightened sensory discomfort, difficulty regulating your emotions, and being unable to relax.
Instead of ignoring these signs, perhaps we could see them for what they are, and take the time to understand and accept that we do not need to be everything, do everything, and fix everything.
I think we all have the power to do that, and if we did, we would immediately be taking more care of ourselves.
The key is to monitor what’s going on in your life so that you can always keep one step ahead of the triggers that ignite stress. Start to identify the things that cause your blood to boil before you feel it boiling.
If you can start to learn how stress manifests itself within you, you’re better equipped to keep it in check rather than pushing through until you reach burnout.
Imagine how good it would feel to have the ability to diagnose yourself in that way. To know when things are getting too much and to identify when you’re falling back into the habit of pretending your limits don’t exist.
Because as I said at the start, we all have limits. And knowing yours is one of the best forms of self-care there is.
6. Filling your home with indoor plants.
Ok, you may think this one is a bit bizarre for an article on self-care, but stay with me.
The benefits of plants on our physical and mental health are well-established, but not talked about enough.
Research has shown that if you have houseplants in your home, they help to reduce fatigue and headaches by up to 25 percent. If that wasn’t enough to make you want to turn your living room into Jumanji, here are some more benefits: houseplants are known to reduce stress and blood pressure, and boost productivity.
My son has gotten used to me talking to my plants (and fine, if I’m being honest, naming them…), but I love them.
Running my fingers gently through the leaves while I tell them how beautiful they are is definitely how I take some time out of my day to appreciate them as living things that contain an energy I benefit from.
We all know how good being out in nature is, but that’s simply not possible for everyone to do regularly, or at all.
Plus, even when it is, most of us spend the bulk of our day confined to our indoor properties or offices, so if we don’t have plants indoors, we’re missing out on all those benefits.
If you aren’t at the garden center already, you should be on your way!
7. Hobbies, hobbies, hobbies!
Hobbies aren’t just for kids; they’re for everyone.
Yet as adults, we tend to just focus on what we need to do. Get the kids to school, get to work on time, pay the water bill, stock up the fridge. These are responsibilities, sure, but what else do we fill our lives with?
What are your hobbies? What do you do just for you that makes you feel good?
If you don’t have any hobbies or don’t know where to start, that’s ok. There’s something for everyone.
Something creative is a great place to start, as it’s excellent for self-care because it lets you express yourself.
Research shows that those who engage in creative activities at least weekly report significantly better mental health than those who don’t. So, write, read, code, draw, cook, dance, sculpt, sing in the shower (*cough, I don’t do this at all, cough*), whatever you want to do.
If you’re time poor, even tiny moments of creativity or play count, and should never be downplayed.
So, what’s your shower song going to be?
Final thoughts…
Do you see how easy it is to do something kind for yourself (and you don’t even have to think about blending a smoothie or doing that 10k hike)?
Self-care isn’t always about the big, grand gestures; most of the time it’s just about the small ways you show up for yourself.
With the right amount of awareness and appreciation for what you need and are worth, every day can be filled with meaningful ways that say, “I am taking care of myself because I deserve it.” And you do deserve it.
