Has anything in your life ever turned out exactly as you expected? Probably not, but that could have been more or less pleasant depending on the outcome.
While it’s a good idea to have some things planned out, and some people are neurologically wired to seek more predictability, trying to micromanage every part of life can take a great deal of fun and magic out of existence.
After all, some of the most beautiful (and character-building!) experiences occur in situations that we never planned for.
If you find yourself doing the things below, chances are you’re aiming to micromanage life rather than remaining open to the possibilities it could offer you.
8 signs you are trying to micromanage life instead of staying open to it:
1. You plan contingencies for everything that could possibly occur.
My partner’s bag weighs about 40lbs. I joke with her about it sometimes, but you can be certain that if the weather changes suddenly or someone gets injured, she has an umbrella, a first aid kit, and whatever else might be needed in there.
But having supplies on hand “just in case” is quite different from trying to anticipate anything and everything that may unfold in any given situation.
One involves being prepared, which is never a bad thing, while the other can cause intense stress and anxiety by spiraling into “what if” scenarios in all directions; the majority of which will never come to pass.
If you find yourself doing the latter, it’s likely your preparation has crossed the line and is not serving you, but harming you instead.
2. You adhere to such strict schedules that you cannot cope when plans inevitably deviate.
It’s not much fun when plans go awry, and things don’t unfold as expected. What’s more, for some people, such as autistic folk and those with anxiety, routines are not just a preference, but a neurological need.
That said, the unfortunate reality is that no matter how much you adhere to your routines, life has its own ideas. And if you’re trying to micromanage life, you might get seriously upset if anything deviates from the plan, to the point where you might refuse or become unable to participate at all anymore.
For example, let’s say you and your spouse plan a date night out together, but then your spouse suddenly doesn’t feel well.
Instead of shifting gears to order food and stream some cheesy movies to watch together, you may decide to just cancel everything. You were so attached to the original outcome that you refuse to consider anything else.
While it can be hard to shift your mindset, gently building adaptability and resilience can help you to remain open to life and change course as needed.
3. You take on all responsibilities yourself instead of delegating tasks.
People who try to micromanage life often try to micromanage others, too. They do everything themselves instead of assigning tasks to others and trusting them to get things done.
In their minds, they’re the only truly capable individuals around, so all responsibilities are on their own shoulders.
If you fall into this category, it may be because you’ve had bad experiences in the past in which others dropped the ball when entrusted with various duties, so now you feel obligated to take care of everything yourself. And while that might ensure that things get done, you’re also likely to burn out because of the sheer weight of responsibility that you’re carrying.
4. You avoid new opportunities, even if you might enjoy them.
Comfort zones generally feel safe, stable, and reliable. It’s why so many people choose to remain in them rather than taking risks with unknown variables.
As such, if you’re in a situation that you feel wholly comfortable with, you may avoid new — and potentially awesome — opportunities because you don’t know what the outcome of them will be.
In your mind, you may feel that these new things are too risky and could lead to turmoil in your life.
Even if you know at the core of your being that you could benefit greatly from this change, there are too many unknown variables that you can’t control, and you simply aren’t comfortable with that level of risk.
The good news is that there are ways to gently ease yourself in (or out, in this case). Making micro-changes is key when you want to get the best out of life but are terrified of taking risks.
5. You don’t allow yourself to rest.
If you’ve spent years micromanaging life, you may feel that if you allow yourself to rest and relax, everything around you will fall apart.
You’ve been hypervigilant about everything around you for a really long time, and you’re constantly keeping tabs on every aspect of your life so you can stay on top of things.
In the evenings, instead of winding down and relaxing before bed, you may be taking stock of everything in the house to determine whether anything’s running low and needs to be replaced.
You’re keeping a mental tab of how much toilet paper and coffee is in the pantry, whether anyone in the house needs new socks, what the following week’s meal plan should be and what the weekly budget is, etc.
These thoughts may keep you awake instead of allowing you to drift off, or you may not allow yourself to sleep until you’ve solved everything in your world.
6. You seek to manage the people around you instead of living alongside them.
Some people find it very difficult to spend time with those who do things differently than they do.
They see mistakes instead of alternative approaches, and often seek to “correct” their friends, family members, and colleagues if they feel that the things they’re doing are either wrong or not up to their personal standards.
While this can come from the neurological need for things to be done a certain way, as we’ve already mentioned, it can hinder connection, as ultimately, we cannot control what other people do, nor is it fair on them to try.
The world isn’t going to fall apart if your partner chops the stew vegetables differently than you do, if your kid uses a scrub brush for the dishes instead of a cloth, or if you postpone doing the laundry to Thursday instead of Tuesday this week.
Remain open to other people’s methods (or at least let them engage in them), and you’ll enjoy much more peaceful and connected relationships than if you try to make other people adhere stringently to your schedules and techniques.
Furthermore, by learning to let go of perfectionism and illusions of control, you won’t get as stressed out by life’s inevitable unpredictability.
7. You plan minutiae everywhere you go.
Many people either dislike surprises or have health conditions or needs that require them to research things ahead of time.
For example, someone with sensory food aversions, or Celiac or Crohn’s disease, may check menus before they go to restaurants to see if there are safe options for them to eat there. Similarly, very organized individuals often prefer to create detailed schedules to adhere to when they travel.
This is perfectly understandable and very sensible.
But while it’s a good idea to have details in place regarding where you’ll stay, what’s available to eat, train departures, and so on, micromanaging every single detail of a plan robs you of the opportunity to enjoy spontaneity.
You might miss a little out-of-the-way antiquarian bookshop because you need to be somewhere at exactly 3:22 pm, or you may never meet the love of your life because an impromptu invitation doesn’t align with your itinerary.
If this is something you struggle with, you can create planned windows for spontaneity. For example, leaving a 20‑minute buffer in your schedule where you intentionally don’t decide what you’ll do until you’re in the moment.
This gives you a sense of safety while still letting life surprise you a little.
8. You obsess over your health.
Many people try to micromanage life in an attempt to stay as healthy and “safe” as humanly possible. One way this manifests is in obsession over health and wellness.
As such, a person who’s micromanaging their life in an attempt to fend off illnesses like cancer or Alzheimer’s may have a rigid schedule that they adhere to daily.
If you fall into this category, you may have a wide array of daily meds, vitamins, and supplements portioned out into containers divided by hours.
Additionally, you might take your temperature and blood pressure a couple of times a day, looking for any changes or unexpected variables. If you see the tiniest change, you may consult with your physician immediately just to make sure everything is okay.
Instead of acknowledging that life involves constant change, and the aging process involves upheaval, you may fight it tooth and nail in an attempt to control — and thereby overcome — life’s inevitable decay.
Final thoughts…
It can be downright nerve-wracking to let go of trying to micromanage your life and open yourself up to it instead.
The important thing to remember is that many of the most wonderful things you’ll experience in life will be unexpected.
While you may feel reassured by the illusion of control, remaining in that state can result in you denying yourself real beauty, wonder, and joy.
Start small, with things like trying out new cafes or taking spontaneous walks with no destinations in mind — just openness to the gifts life may have in store for you.
