Humans are, for the most part, rather social creatures. In fact, a large portion of the population doesn’t just prefer the company of others — they’re uncomfortable when they’re alone. Being alone with their own thoughts makes them anxious or twitchy, so they’ll keep a TV or radio going in the background that they can concentrate on instead.
In contrast, some people enjoy being alone with their ruminations and thrive on this kind of alone time. These people usually have the following traits in common.
1. No fear of silence or solitude.
They may get anxious about other things in their lives, but solitude offers them solace rather than stress. They’re at their most comfortable when they can be completely themselves, and that only happens when they’re alone (or in the company of some non-demanding animal companions).
Similarly, they don’t find silence eerie or unsettling. In fact, silence gives them the much-needed chance to sit with their own thoughts and determine how they feel about various things. They might contemplate philosophy, think about the world and how they can help to improve it, or do some soul-searching to figure themselves out a bit more deeply.
2. Emotional self-sufficiency and reliance.
Those who have difficulty regulating their emotions generally don’t do well when they’re alone for too long. Rather than processing their thoughts and emotions on their own, they need others to help them work through what they’re thinking and feeling, either validating or reassuring them as needed.
In contrast, emotionally self-sufficient people prefer to work through their own thoughts and feelings on their own. They use their alone time to contemplate things deeply, and may journal or do artwork to help them understand why they feel the way they do.
3. Sensitivity to external stimuli.
Take a moment to pause and pay attention to everything that’s going on around you. Do you feel fairly comfortable in your space, with whatever’s happening in your sphere? There are undoubtedly little sounds going on around you that you can ignore or “block out” easily, and you may not be bothered if your concentration is disrupted.
People who enjoy being alone with their own thoughts are often incredibly sensitive to stimuli around them. Many are neurodivergent (for example, autistic) or highly sensitive people, and can feel, hear, see, and smell things that most people are numbed to. For example, hearing the buzz of electricity in walls, or finding fluorescent lighting painful. I fall into this category, and I find it nearly impossible to process my own thoughts and feelings when I’m being overstimulated by other people’s voices, presence, and scents, while simultaneously being overwhelmed by the hum of electronics and the discomfort of air against my bare skin.
4. A deep yearning for knowledge and understanding.
The people who enjoy being alone so they can think deeply about things tend to be the ones who read reference books for fun when they were children. They’re intensely curious about various topics, and may deep-dive into the subjects that pique their interest the most.
It’s damned near impossible to concentrate and focus deeply when one is being interrupted every few minutes, so the only way people like this can fulfill their love of knowledge-seeking is to have a significant amount of alone time.
5. The ability to motivate themselves.
There are many different types of motivation. Some folks are externally motivated. They need cheerleaders, task buddies, body doubling, or encouraging apps to get them to achieve their goals. If they don’t have these things, they simply don’t have the self-motivation that’s needed to get to where they want to be. They need that external push to get going, and literally can’t gain impetus without it.
In contrast, those who enjoy their alone time often have no problem whatsoever with self-motivation. In fact, they usually get a lot more done than their social-loving counterparts because they can hyperfocus on tasks when others aren’t making constant demands on their time and attention. They’ll simply put on some music, get some snacks, and dive in.
6. An introverted personality.
It should be no surprise that introverted people are the ones who are happiest alone with their own thoughts and personal pursuits. These are the people who always balk at group projects, and whose worst nightmare is working in an open-concept office where people are chattering around them all the time.
For introverts, constant chatter and non-stop external stimuli can be downright painful. Furthermore, they get utterly depleted by having to output energy on a constant basis. For most introverts, the best part of the day is when they go home and decompress from the onslaught of the workday they just endured. Finally, after hours and hours of nonstop masking and mayhem, they can be alone, in their own heads, doing their quiet little crafts or reading without being intruded upon.
7. An aversion to other people’s drama.
For a person who finds solace in solitude and introspection, there are few things quite as trying and exhausting as having to deal with other people’s drama — especially if they’ve brought that drama upon themselves. While more social beings may flock to drama kings and queens and insist on being let in on all the gossip, solitary sorts find this type of dramatic attention-seeking to be intrusive and really quite exhausting.
They’re also less likely to hold their tongues when someone in their social group makes a poor decision, which ultimately leads to the drama they want support for. The mistake-maker may turn to them for comfort and reassurance, only to be told in no uncertain terms that they’re the author of their own misfortune, and that there’s little pity for those who keep sabotaging their lives over and over again. This can lead to tension and hurt feelings in those around them, but may ultimately result in the one thing that the solace-seeker wants more than anything in the world: to be left alone.
8. A flair for creativity.
Any artist will tell you that it’s pretty much impossible to be creative when other people are constantly in your space. Creativity — whether with visual art, writing, music, or any other art form — needs solitude and full, immersive concentration. Interestingly enough, almost every person who prefers solitude with their own thoughts has a strong creative lean.
Even if they aren’t master designers or musicians, they’ll still enjoy some form of creative expression. Some might like to paint miniatures or fill in coloring books, while others might like wood burning, knitting, graphic design, baking, or even coding. Essentially, creativity can encompass any endeavor that requires focus and concentration.
Final thoughts…
Never let anyone give you a hard time for preferring solitude over socializing. Those who want to be surrounded by social butterflies at all times can do exactly that, rather than trying to force such behavior out of those who simply aren’t wired that way.
Some of the greatest works of creativity have come from people who have been given the grace to spend time with their own thoughts, and many who enjoy socializing benefit greatly from those masterpieces. Live life on your own terms, even if it means letting others down by doing so.
