Many people have been joking about going “goblin mode” over the last few years, but hermit phases are actually very real. They often occur after someone spends years being outgoing and handling all the things, and they finally reach a point where they either don’t want to, or can’t anymore.
Like most other life experiences and transitions, there are usually surefire signs that someone has reached this point. If you’ve done most of the things on this list in the past month or so, congratulations! You’re in a full-on hermit phase.
1. Realized that you haven’t set foot outside your house for 48-72 hours.
This is one of the most common traits of the hermit: the ability — nay, the skill! — to be able to stay inside your abode for long periods of time without feeling any desire to leave it. This isn’t a case of agoraphobia either: you’re perfectly capable of leaving at any time. You simply choose not to.
And why would you want to? You have snacks, entertainment, cozy blankets, pets, craft projects, and solitude. That would be like leaving Paradise in favor of a Hell that’s full of small talk, uncomfortable clothing, and being forced to listen to people chewing.
2. Stayed in PJs or hoodies for several days.
If you work remotely and you’re anything like me, you may have attended video meetings in which you were wearing a presentable top, but had penguin PJ bottoms and fluffy slippers on below the camera’s view.
Alternatively, you may be in your Adam Sandler fashion era, with outfits consisting entirely of oversized hoodies, super-soft pants or leggings, and the most well-worn shoes you own. You’re aiming for comfort over style here, and you don’t care if you’re a clashing cacophony or not. Do you feel like you’re carrying your bed with you and can nap in place as needed? Then it’s a win.
3. Hidden from phone calls, delivery drivers, or any other potential conversation source.
Perhaps you have neither the energy nor the emotional wherewithal to deal with any other human beings right now. In fact, the mere thought of any kind of verbal interaction with another person makes you emit a high-pitched keening noise detectable only by bats and dolphins.
As such, your phone might well be on “do not disturb”, and your curtains closed. There’s a sign on your door instructing delivery drivers to leave items on the porch and then back away, and the only reason your neighbors are certain that you’re still amongst the living is the sheer number of empty pizza and Amazon boxes piling up in your recycling bin.
4. Taken several days to respond to texts or messages — even from close friends.
Time feels very slippery when you’re in hermit mode, and it may take you a while to respond to people who reach out to you — even your closest friends or family members. One minute you’re binge-watching your favorite 90s TV series, and the next, you discover that it’s three days later, you still haven’t showered or changed your clothes, and your friend is texting to ask if you’re angry with them.
You aren’t necessarily intentionally shying away from communication: it just isn’t a priority to you right now. In fact, it may feel like a monumental burden instead of anything joyful. And any obligation that encroaches upon your peace is too expensive.
5. Poured a ton of time and attention into personal hobbies and interests.
Most people have a significant number of hobbies and interests that they de-prioritize and set aside for when they have “free time” to devote to them. The pursuits that take priority are usually work, household chores, caregiving, emotional availability for friends and family members, and other responsibilities. After those have all been taken care of, there’s little to no energy left for “frivolous” personal pursuits.
But if you’re in your hermit phase, you may find you’re prioritizing downtime and picking up these crafts, books, and other interests that have been collecting dust and languishing in neglected corners for so many years. People can sort out their own issues for a while: you have fun stuff to catch up on.
6. Keeping the lights off (or turned down low).
Did you know that artificial light has been proven to be detrimental to our health? Recent studies have shown that, in addition to throwing off our circadian rhythms, artificial lighting can intensify stress and anxiety and impact both immune and metabolic health on numerous levels.
Do you find that you keep the lights off or dimmed when you’re home? Or choose soft, natural lighting, such as candles or fireplace light, instead of turning on lamps? This is a powerful sign that you’re in hermit mode, and that every molecule in your body is screaming for softness and quiet instead of pulsing light rays.
7. Sleeping and resting more than usual.
Over 30 percent of adults are chronically sleep deprived. This might be due to insomnia or other health-related issues, being on call for parenting and caregiving, or simply because the stress of modern life keeps them from being able to fully relax and replenish at night.
As such, if you’ve hot hermit mode, you may find that you’re sleeping more than you normally do or taking naps during the day instead of powering through when you feel tired and drained.
Most of us have been made to feel guilty if we sleep “too much”, because rest is seen as a moral failing in a world where working yourself to the bone is admired. When you’re in a hermit phase, however, rest becomes a priority. Your body is quite frankly telling you that it needs to slow down, or you’re going to get seriously ill. Hopefully, you’re listening instead of fighting the instinct or feeling bad about the rejuvenating sleep you’ve been getting.
8. Ordered grocery delivery instead of going out shopping.
If grocery delivery is available in your area, such as with Instacart or a supermarket delivery service, you’ve taken full advantage of it rather than venturing out to do it yourself. After all, why on earth would you go and battle your way through boisterous crowds while being accosted by fluorescent lighting and terrible music, when some lovely person can drop supplies at your door instead?
Check your online shopping apps to see whether you have “buy again” or “repeat favorites” lists. If you do, and you fully intend to add those to the cart for your next order, you’re cultivating a hermit phase that Valerio Ricetti himself would have been proud of.
9. Feeling immense relief (and guilt) about not interacting with anyone.
If you’ve had other people demanding your attention on command at all hours of the day, or expecting your presence at various social functions, you might find yourself bracing any time someone makes a social demand of you. As a result, if you get a heads-up that a work team call or holiday celebration has been cancelled, you feel a massive wave of relief that you don’t have to put on a cheerful face and interact with anybody.
That said, you likely also feel a bit guilty about having these feelings. After all, you do care about many of the people in your life, and you don’t want them to feel hurt or neglected by your absence. Unsurprisingly, those who have been raised to put others’ needs ahead of their own usually feel more guilt than those who have been encouraged to nurture themselves when needed.
Final thoughts…
Having a hermit phase can be immensely beneficial for resetting your energy levels and gaining some much-needed perspective. After all, real introspection can only occur when you aren’t being interrupted dozens of times a day or having every waking moment of your life filled with obligations that require your full focus.
Many people have retreated into solitude for a while in order to sort out their lives, and maybe it’s time for you to do the same. Just make sure to text your friends now and then so they don’t send paramedics to your place for a wellness check.
