Do you have the courage to be honest? Not just with the rest of the world, but with yourself? Honesty is far less common than we would like it to be. So much of life is hidden behind smoke and mirrors because someone can make a dollar from it. But if you want to live authentically, to find some peace and happiness, you have to embrace honesty.
There are times in your life when you need to be honest, to set yourself free from the burden of lies and illusions. Because if you live behind them, you’ll become more out of tune with yourself and the people around you. You won’t be able to find your tribe because they won’t know how to recognize you.
So when are those times?
1. When you can admit that you were wrong and take responsibility.
It’s common to struggle with admitting our own wrongdoing and taking responsibility for it. It’s not enough to just apologize; you also have to be willing to fix the issue and change your behavior if necessary. People underestimate just how powerful the ability to admit that you’re wrong is. There’s really no downside.
Yes, you may suffer some temporary embarrassment or difficulty because of your mistake or choices. However, what you gain in owning it is credibility and trustworthiness. People learn who they can get honest feedback from and not. I can tell you from personal experience about how valuable this is.
I made a major screw-up at work when I was younger and clipped some metal racking with a forklift. I bent the support beam pretty bad. Did I want to report that it was me? No. I didn’t. I needed the job, and I thought I’d get fired for something that serious. But that didn’t happen. Instead, I was written up and had to redo my forklift certification.
However, I was also given more trust by my manager because I was honest about it. Not only that, but someone tried to blame me for damaging some stock a few weeks later. When I stepped up and said, no, I didn’t do that, I was believed because I had already demonstrated that I was willing to take responsibility for my screw-ups.
2. When you can admit that you need help.
Pride is such a destructive force that causes so much unnecessary suffering. I can’t tell you how many times my pride and unwillingness to ask for help screwed up the first thirty years of my life. I went through so much pain and turmoil with undiagnosed mental illness because I couldn’t be honest. I felt that as a man, I should be able to handle my own life. As Verywell Mind shares, this kind of thing is linked to beliefs rooted in toxic masculinity.
Unfortunately, you can’t just handle your own life without any help when it comes to severe mental illness and health conditions. It doesn’t work that way in poverty, or any other challenging circumstances, either. If you’re struggling, and you know where you can ask for some help, ask for it. It’s the first step on a better path, whether that’s getting some food in your stomach or addressing what’s going on in your head.
3. When you can admit that you’re not happy.
Many people just can’t admit when they’re not happy with a situation in their life. Or, alternatively, they may acknowledge that they are unhappy, but choose to continue suffering through it instead of doing anything about it. Sometimes, the courage to be honest is finally accepting that you need to actually do something about a situation that you’re in.
That can be so hard to do when there is so much on the line. Like, if you’re unhappy in a relationship and it has no prospects of getting better, it’s reasonable to want to find a way out. That doesn’t make it easy, though, especially when you’ve been together a long time. Other people may experience difficulties in the process, for example, if children are involved, but sometimes it has to happen. Destroying yourself for everyone else is not a sustainable solution.
4. When you can tell someone that their actions hurt you.
It’s hard to stand up for yourself when you’re not used to doing it. Every small step you take in finding your voice is one step closer to creating peace and happiness for yourself. If someone hurts you, you have the right to acknowledge it. They may object or not care, but it is not your responsibility to carry the pain that was inflicted on you.
Of course, we can’t always speak up, because life isn’t so neat and pretty, but if you can, it’s necessary for healthy relationships. A person who genuinely cares about you and your well-being will want to fix it. Every relationship will have problems here and there. It’s how you handle those problems that matter. Acknowledging a problem and the problem being fixed strengthens trust and the bond.
5. When you can admit that you’ve outgrown a piece of your life.
Life changes, and most people change with time. The fact of the matter is that people who are set on a path of personal growth will eventually outgrow their present. There may come a point when you look at your friends and only see strangers, or some other role you filled no longer applies to you. We cling to these things because they’re familiar, or we don’t want to accept that things are changing.
But if you want to walk the right path for your life, you need to be willing to let things go when the time comes. Sometimes, a friendship, relationship, work situation, or life situation just needs to change. It needs to be released so you can move along your trajectory instead of living a life not meant for you.
6. When you can start saying “no” instead of people-pleasing.
“Givers have to set limits because takers rarely do” – Henry Ford
Despite Ford’s flawed character and beliefs, this sentence contains a whole lot of wisdom about people and relationships. Takers will just take and take until you finally muster up the courage to say “no.” Even if a taker does have limits and isn’t taking advantage of you, they won’t know where your boundaries are until they are informed.
The word “no” is one of the most powerful things you can say. We complain about a lack of time, but in reality, we just waste a lot of time on things that aren’t right or meant for us. Learning when to say “no” will free up your ability to actually pursue the things that you want, not the things that other people want at your expense.
7. When you can finally be honest with yourself.
There’s nothing more liberating than radical honesty with yourself. So much of life is hemmed in when you can’t just accept the truth about yourself. It causes so much unnecessary pain and suffering when people have to deny who they are. Of course, it’s not always safe to be honest with the rest of the world. Consider queer folks who can’t be open because they’d be ostracized from their family or community.
They may accept themselves, but they may not be in a position to speak their truth and live openly. But, if you can, there’s great benefit for you. When you start living your truth, you can meaningfully connect with other people like you. Life becomes much less lonely, and you no longer shoulder the burden of secrecy.
Final thoughts…
It’s scary to be radically honest at first, but with time, you’ll get used to it. I started practicing radical honesty years ago because I’m autistic, and I’ve always struggled with the fake. I could pretend about a lot of things, including myself, but all it ever got me was depression and dark thoughts. However, everything changed when I embraced radical honesty.
I started finding people more like me. The malicious people couldn’t latch on because I couldn’t be manipulated out of guilt for what I refused to take responsibility for. I was able to get help, which is the only reason I can write this article for you now. It’s hard, but it was worth it for me.
Your mileage will vary, but in my experience, the journey toward radical honesty is one worth taking.
