You’ve probably noticed that some people manage to keep their heads on straight when everyone around them is losing theirs. They’re the ones who are bastions of calm in the midst of chaos; those who can keep their facial features steeled when a disgruntled client is screaming at them, and delegate tasks efficiently in times of crisis.
According to psychologists, people who can behave in this manner, namely, maintaining grace and calm under extreme duress, tend to have the following traits in common. And most of them don’t always come naturally, despite what we often think.
1. A well-honed ability to regulate their emotions.
Emotional regulation is one of the most vital skills that a person can develop. Unfortunately, it’s something a lot of people struggle with, for a variety of reasons. That might be due to childhood trauma, neurodivergence, or simply never having been taught how to process feelings in a healthy way.
But psychology teaches us that when you can do the work to identify, name, and understand your emotions, it’s much easier for you to manage them. Not only is it invaluable for understanding yourself and interacting with other people in your life, but it’s also immensely beneficial in high-pressure or otherwise stressful situations.
When an emergency happens, and those around you are running around and panicking, you can recognize that you’re feeling anxious or worried, and do what’s needed to keep on keeping on regardless. This trait is common in leaders, E.R. medical staff, firefighters, and teachers who need to keep their cool when things are going mad all around them.
2. The ability to compartmentalize.
The ability to compartmentalize in a high-stress situation is a trait that many who can maintain grace under pressure have honed over the years. As the title suggests, it allows people to be able to take challenging thoughts and emotions and pop them into a handy little box (or compartment) and tuck them aside to deal with later.
Often, people who excel at this learned it out of necessity. For example, if you grew up in a chaotic household where you still had to show up for school and function normally, or if you’ve worked in professions where falling apart isn’t an option, you’ve likely honed this skill whether you meant to or not.
My partner and I both have this ability, which has unnerved many people when we’ve been in crisis situations. For example, if someone is injured in an accident and needs medical attention, we can set aside our own minor hurts and emotional upheaval so we can slow the bleeding until paramedics arrive. Most individuals aren’t able to “turn off” emotions like flipping a switch, and as such, they may be unnerved by those who are able to do so.
It’s also worth mentioning that whilst compartmentalization is a useful skill, it can become unhealthy if those compartments aren’t opened and processed after the event. If you never deal with those tucked-away emotions, they have a nasty habit of leaking out sideways or building up until the box bursts open at the worst possible moment.
3. Resilience through mindfulness.
Psychological research shows that many of the people who are the most resilient are those who are the most mindful. Specifically, it’s those who are able to remain in the present moment as much as possible. Therapists often refer to this trait as “present-moment awareness”, which revolves around focusing on the tangible things they can see, touch, smell, hear, and taste.
But as many people will know, mindfulness is not easy to master. Those who do, realize that it’s a journey, not a destination. They know that their thoughts will wander, and that’s ok. It’s that awareness which is key, because that’s what allows them to return to the present.
This presence keeps their thoughts from spiraling off wildly and catastrophizing. They simply deal with what’s in front of them as it unfolds, knowing that they have the skills that are needed to handle whatever may come. Mindfulness techniques can be learned in a wide variety of ways that may best suit the individual. I learned it through yoga and Tibetan Buddhist meditation, while others may prefer guided instruction with a therapist or visualization techniques.
4. Self-assuredness.
Those who are fully aware of who they are, what their strengths are, and what they’re capable of usually aren’t moved by other people’s poor behavior. Some random stranger can hurl insults at them, and it’s unlikely to have much effect.
They’ll approach situations with resilience, persistence, and confidence in themselves. As such, they can navigate high-pressure situations without getting derailed by criticism, hostility, or attempts to undermine them. They’re not wasting mental energy second-guessing themselves or defending their worth—they already know it. In contrast, people with low self-esteem will often crumble when someone is mean to them (often because they think there may be some truth to their insults).
5. The ability to make decisions quickly and confidently.
One of the hallmarks of people who maintain grace under pressure is their capacity to make decisions swiftly without getting paralyzed by overthinking. When a crisis hits, they can assess the situation, weigh their options rapidly, and commit to a course of action—even when they don’t have perfect information.
Psychologists note that this decisiveness often comes from a combination of self-trust and acceptance of uncertainty. These individuals have learned that making a reasonably good decision quickly is usually better than making a perfect decision too late. They’re also comfortable with the reality that not every choice will be the right one, and they can course-correct if needed.
In high-pressure situations, while others are frozen in indecision or endlessly debating options, decisive people are already taking action. This doesn’t mean they’re reckless or impulsive—they’re simply able to cut through the noise, trust their judgment, and move forward.
6. The ability to notice their internal noise and guide it.
Some people are perpetually distracted by the brain chatter that narrates their every move and puts them down on a regular basis. In contrast, those who do well under immense pressure often control that narrative instead. They use their inner voice to analyze the situation at hand from numerous perspectives, so they can determine the best route forward.
Sometimes this is as simple as giving themselves a pep talk before doing something particularly trying or difficult. Other times, it’s the ability to see when the childlike part of their brain is taking over, and choosing to hand over the reins to the parent instead. For example, if there is a challenging situation to contend with, it’s common for the more primal, petulant side of the brain to want to rage, cry, or lash out at the pain and unfairness. But for those who can identify their internal noise, the more adult brain steps in: to soothe, console, and guide the feelings within.
Essentially, individuals who possess this ability can recognize when their primal nature is reacting to strong external stimuli and provide some calming actions or words to counteract that response.
7. Channeling emotion to beneficial action.
Imagine roiling emotions like a swarm of angry bees trapped in a hive, and you can see how much more agitated they’ll get if they don’t have an escape route or other outlet to follow. They keep spinning around, increasing the heat around them and getting more wound up. The only thing that will calm them down is if they’re allowed to get out and fly freely.
Similarly, rather than flying off the handle when stressed, a person who does well under pressure is one who can recognize their own emotional pressure and can channel that in a healthy direction. One person might go for a quick run or do other exercise, while another might play a game or do some housework.
The reason it’s such a good strategy is that the chemicals released in our bodies during stressful situations (cortisol, adrenaline) create excess energy that needs an outlet. And physical activity or productive task engagement is a highly effective way to metabolize those stress hormones.
As such, in a crisis situation, this type of person will busy themselves taking action: gathering food, water, and blankets for everyone rather than running back and forth screaming. They take all the energy that would otherwise be wasted in panic mode and channel it towards an action that’ll help everyone, including themselves.
8. Self-awareness.
One of the most important traits a person can develop is self-awareness. When it comes to maintaining grace under pressure, it has multiple benefits. Firstly, self-awareness allows an individual to know what they need at any given moment. For example, if they’re feeling irritable or are having difficulty concentrating, they can recognize that it’s because their blood sugar is low, they’re dehydrated, they’re having caffeine withdrawal, and so on.
Secondly, self-awareness allows people to analyze their own responses to things. For example, they can determine how they tend to react in certain situations, and curb potentially contentious behavior accordingly. This also lets them recognize whether they’re behaving unreasonably to a stressful circumstance, or if their actions are within understandable parameters. This awareness can go a long way towards de-escalation, rather than intensifying an already difficult scenario.
Final thoughts…
While some of these traits may come more naturally to some individuals, most have cultivated them over time. You don’t need to go through traumatic events to develop them, either: although many people become more self-aware, resilient, etc. because they had to navigate extremely challenging circumstances that could have damaged them, others develop these abilities through self-challenge, meditation, and conscious personal development.
If you’re interested in doing so, pursuits such as martial arts, bushcraft, rock climbing, and other pursuits that build fortitude and resilience can help you maintain your calm regardless of what comes your way. As can general self-care principles that lower your stress levels, particularly if you’re someone whose nervous system is perpetually trapped in a heightened state.
