A healthy sense of self-confidence is an important piece of getting the most out of life. Unfortunately, many people have difficulty understanding the difference between self-confidence and arrogance. Far too many people think that any kind of self-confidence is arrogance, and it’s not.
Arrogance tears people down to elevate yourself. Self-confidence is knowing you are good and capable enough without stepping on others. The reason it matters is that our self-confidence will determine what kind of risks we take in life.
If you want to nurture your self-confidence, consider embracing some of these behaviors of people who are self-assured without being arrogant.
1. They make decisions with clarity.
The choices that we face in life can be so overwhelming. Sometimes, life puts you on a path where you have no idea where the next step is going to take you. In fact, you may not be able to see the way forward at all.
You can’t stop when you find yourself faced with decisions like that. If you stay stuck, then you won’t be able to get everything out of life that you’re capable of, that’s meant for you. Self-confident people will make that decision.
But what if everything goes wrong? Then it does, because that’s just how life goes sometimes. A self-confident person understands that big decisions are a risk, and not every risk works out. However, they are confident in their ability to accept that and find a new direction if it happens.
2. They aren’t afraid to change their minds when presented with new evidence.
Once upon a time, I heard someone say, “I have strong opinions, loosely held.” This is a sentiment that was popularized by a man named Paul Saffo, speaking about the importance of having passionate beliefs but acknowledging the shortcomings of man.
It speaks to the importance of passion and authenticity, combined with intellectual humility. Personally, this is a measure I try to live by. I have strong feelings and opinions about a lot of things. However, if someone can show me that I’m wrong, I’ll admit it and change my mind.
I’m only human. I get things wrong sometimes. As someone who’s lived with bipolar disorder for most of my life, there was a time when it was so bad that I just straight up couldn’t believe in happiness. I couldn’t believe that there were happy people, and I convinced myself that anyone who claimed to be happy was lying because that’s just how intense the depression was.
And I hung onto that belief until I started taking greater strides into my 30s. I had the mistaken belief that happiness was the opposite of depression, that it should be just as bright and beautiful, but it’s not. Bipolar disorder and depression are mental health problems, and they wouldn’t be a problem if they weren’t so intense and difficult.
Eventually, I just had to accept that I had the wrong idea about happiness. I had to accept that happiness will never be as bright as the depression is dark. That was a hard opinion to change after 15 years of convincing myself I was right. I can be kind of stubborn like that, though.
Anyway, culturally, this trait has been propagandized to be a bad thing. If you change your opinion, then they label you a flip-flopper, as though it’s a bad thing to learn and grow. It’s not. It’s a great thing.
3. They don’t overshare to be liked.
As mental health experts share, people who crave approval and external validation often show too much of themselves for social validation. They don’t necessarily do it because they are sincere about making a connection or sharing something important. Instead, they want the acknowledgment because it validates their feelings.
There’s a time and a place for everything. In most cases, intimate details about your life are best shared after you’ve developed some level of trust and connection with someone. By all means, talk about yourself, just keep it lighter and don’t overshare to earn approval. Share because it adds to the conversation.
4. They pursue goals aligned with their personal values.
The society that we live in almost demands performance for attention. Get on social media! Post the highlights of your life! Show everyone how great it is! Don’t say anything too real, it might be upsetting to people! And definitely don’t pursue the goals that matter to you; you should be doing what society says you should do! That’s how you fit in, after all.
Self-confident people don’t concern themselves with that nonsense. They do what they know to be right, that which is in line with their values. After all, if you don’t act in tune with your values, you then have to look yourself in the mirror every day and know that you did not respect yourself.
5. They can accept criticism with grace.
Low self-esteem and self-worth make it difficult to accept praise or criticism. People with healthy self-confidence understand that other people are going to have their opinions, but they don’t have to care about them. A self-confident person can hear the criticism, consider it, and then let it go.
You don’t have to take criticism personally. You can just choose to ignore it once you’ve patched up your confidence. Everyone has an opinion, so you just shrug and move on with your life. Maybe they dropped a pearl of wisdom or two in their criticism, but you don’t have to internalize it.
6. They enjoy solitude.
Solitude isn’t something to fear. You can be alone while not being lonely. Hell, for that matter, you can be lonely when you’re part of a group of the wrong people. That’s a pretty terrible feeling when you realize that’s what’s going on in your life.
People with self-confidence understand that alone time is great for activities like hobbies and self-care. Sometimes we just need some time to ourselves to realign our chakras and get back into the business of living this life. Everyone needs downtime, even if you’re the kind of person who can be happy around people all the time.
7. They measure success by their own standards.
No one else is living your life. It’s yours. What matters most is that you are happy with what you have and how your life is. It doesn’t matter if other people approve of your lifestyle or choices when it comes to doing what’s necessary to be at peace with yourself.
Note, I didn’t say “happy” with yourself. Sometimes, you can’t be happy with yourself because of whatever circumstances you might be going through, but you can aim for peace. Peace is the rich fertilizer where we grow happiness and contentment.
Are you at peace with your own goals? Your progress? Your life? Peace is a hard thing to come by, but the first chain to break in your liberation is that of earning external approval.
8. They practice self-compassion.
Compassion isn’t just for others, it’s for you, too. The self-confident know that they need to extend the same kind of grace to themselves that they would to others. You’re going to make mistakes, and you will need to be able to find the strength to forgive yourself so you can learn from your mistakes and do better.
Your internal narrative matters. You can’t tear yourself to pieces and expect to stay happy, healthy, and confident. No, you’ll crash your moods and attitude, which will make it even harder for you to get through whatever you’re working through. It just undermines your own future success.
Developing the emotional intelligence and skills to practice that compassion will help take you to the next level in building your own confidence. Emotional intelligence counts for so much.
Final thoughts…
Self-confidence doesn’t brag or need the approval of others, which are more characteristics of arrogance and attention-seeking behavior. Instead, it’s knowing that you’re inherently worthy, and not letting yourself bend if circumstances should challenge that idea.
You are more than worthy enough yourself, just by virtue of existing as a human being in this difficult world. Allow yourself some grace and the space to be raw and vulnerable. By doing that, you’ll be able to improve your self-confidence and continue to grow.
It’s a challenging journey, but it’s so worth it just for your peace of mind.
