There’s nothing wrong with spending time alone. In fact, I think more and more of us enjoy cutting back from the world a little bit and finding something to really connect with. I know I do!
That’s what it’s about: connection. What we feel we can’t or don’t want (or need) to find in another person, we get in other ways, and there are quite a few of them. So if you enjoy spending time alone and connecting to things other than people, this one is for you.
1. Walks in nature.
The modern world we now live in strips us of nature. Most of us spend a lot of time at our jobs, surrounded by people and bright lights, which can be a recipe for disaster for those who prefer spending time alone. In order to feel connected again, those people will often find their big recharge moment out on a long walk.
There’s this softness to nature that no pseudo-environment could ever mimic, and no matter how busy our lives get, it’s always there to restore us. It’s backed by science too: Attention Restoration Theory teaches us that while crowded, urban places drain us, spending time in nature replenishes our lost resources.
I think we all need that!
2. Any creative hobby.
Hands up who enjoys any kind of creative outlet? Writing, drawing, painting, even pottery or baking, are included in this. For me, evidently, it’s writing (unless you like pictures of stick men). If you want to just be, to experience that flow state where you lose complete track of time and just remain in the moment, creativity is always there for you.
Imagine being so caught up in what you’re doing that all your attention stays on the hobby. I don’t think there’s a deeper connection possible. Working on a song or piece of art without distraction or judgment means you can really let go and produce anything.
The sky is the limit! Now, where’s my pen…
3. Animals.
Animals are scientifically proven to lower cortisol and give you a nice oxytocin boost. Granted, a big, hairy spider won’t cut it if you have a fear, but finding an animal you do love and can either be playful or relaxed around will lead to an unmeasured and unconditional connection.
This just doesn’t happen when you consider human dynamics. No dog is going to judge you or criticize you. They just want a nice walk, lots of pets, and the odd chicken thigh. And it’s just one of the many reasons why some people prefer the company of animals to humans.
4. The night sky.
When the world around us closes its curtains and heads to bed, that’s when some people can be at their most alive and awake. This isn’t about insomnia; this is about inspiration. The night sky is so vast, it’s hard not to be in awe of its expansive sheet of stars and planets. Gazing up and admiring what you can see, making a wish on the odd shooting star. Perfect.
Research shows that feeling this sense of awe stops you sweating the small stuff, even for a little while, bringing your connection into the part you play in this magical universe. And the added bonus for those who like to be alone? The night sky never asks anything of you. No small talk, no performance — just you, the stillness, and something so much bigger than whatever was stressing you out today. That’s a welcome feeling, and a deep connection with our collective home, don’t you think?
My personal favorite night sky is the summer Perseid meteor shower, so if the night sky ticks your boxes, then I urge you to find and make a note of the dates.
5. Baking or cooking.
If you like to spend your time alone, it’s not a case of, “If I knew you were coming, I’d have baked a cake,” and more, “If I knew you were coming, I’d have locked the door.”
Nothing says sensory grounding quite like getting your fingers stuck in butter, flour, and sugar, or stirring a pot and smelling the warm blends of herbs and spices that are filling the air. Cooking or baking isn’t for everybody, but when it works, it can transform your nervous system and keep you locked in the moment.
The best part is there’s hopefully something tasty to show for your work (even if you don’t want to share it…) and that can bring on a huge feeling that you’ve accomplished something, which is a real mood-enhancer.
6. Music.
I will preface this section with an important reminder: There is no right or wrong music.
Music is whatever you feel, and whatever resonates with you. It is known and proven to activate the brain’s emotional and reward systems, which is great for emotion regulation. If you like to spend time alone, then music is one way you might enjoy finding a different kind of connection and release.
Over you go to your music, and you flick through until you find the perfect song. Let’s be honest, we all have a handful of tracks we go to when we need them. Music is consistent; it gives us what we need when we need it, on our own terms. And for people who prefer their time alone, that’s what they’re looking for, and can’t necessarily find it in people.
7. Podcasts.
Have you ever listened to a podcast and felt like you really know the people on it? Isn’t it nice to feel like you’re part of their interaction, even though you’re only observing it? This is down to a parasocial interaction that podcasts achieve, where you can feel a one-sided presence with a figure, listening in on a conversation that may even be fairly personal.
I know of several podcasts that I am totally invested in and look forward to new weekly episodes. It feels like a cross between a lesson I signed up willingly for to learn from and a catch-up with friends.
For those who enjoy this connection, it works because you get to decide when and how you listen to other people, and when to switch off. I know some people who would love that kind of control over real people, especially the mute function!
8. Getting lost in a good book.
As a writer, I fully appreciate the vast amounts of ‘other worlds’ that are out there. As a kid, it’d be the Sweet Valley books. Now, it’s pretty much anything and everything. Characters end up feeling like people you really know, and even if it’s non-fiction, you can still get lost in inspiring chapters and a coherent flow.
Books can be read at your own pace, too. If you feel like it’s getting a little heavy, you can put it down. Unfortunately, you can’t do that to people!
9. Gardening.
Mud, mud, glorious mud! There’s nothing quite like it. From planting seeds to watching that bulb you found the perfect patch for, start to sprout from the earth. Then there’s all the food you can grow and enjoy afterward, which is even more satisfying.
Here’s a word you won’t forget in a while – biophilia. If you ever felt connected while digging in the soil and trimming back your shrubs, watching the birds and butterflies, and feeling calm among it, biophilia is the term for it. And it’s something a lot of people who enjoy their own company experience. Gardening also asks very little of us socially — it’s just you, the soil, and whatever you decide to grow. Bliss.
10. Observing other people.
Step back, find a good spot to sit down, sip your coffee, and watch. That’s the life.
Engaging in people-watching doesn’t come from an inherent desire to be nosey (honestly). It’s more to do with the theory of mind, which is knowing that other people have their own things going on. Thoughts, beliefs, opinions, and perspectives. It all counts, here, and in tuning into what others are doing and how they’re behaving, it can really be interesting to connect with that theory in real time.
People who like being alone tend to do this because they’re often deep thinkers who are fascinated by the world around them and those who are in it.
Final thoughts…
You don’t need permission to spend more time alone. In fact, if you enjoy it, then these 10 things likely give you deeper connections that don’t bring with them the chaos and conflict that human connections can.
And the best part is that out of the things listed here, there is always something for everybody. So that should take off the pressure of you trying to figure out your fan oven if you really prefer your potter’s wheel!
