Have you ever been around somebody who is blissfully unaware that they are a natural magnet for attention? I don’t mean people who purposely laugh too loud, or always have to tell jokes in order to gain a gathering; I mean those who exude the kind of natural light that others are drawn to.
Those people exist, and maybe a certain someone you know springs to mind just reading the title of this piece. Or perhaps you are that person. For people like this, there are usually subtle yet solid behaviors that set them apart. Take a look and see which ones fit, or which ones you can naturally incorporate more into your day, should you want to…
1. They bring an unforced positive energy with them.
We all know at least one poor soul who tries too hard (I know three!). Whenever you see them, there’s this forced energy that accompanies them, like an invisible friend. “Please look at me.” “Notice my outfit.” “Be impressed when I tell you about my recent four-week vacation to Europe.”
This approach is more about needing validation, which is usually a sign of low self-esteem, rather than being naturally warm and magnetic. In other words, if you need to try too hard, then you’re probably overcompensating for a trait of your personality that is yet to be healed in some way. It might get you attention, but usually not in a good way.
Instead, those who are warm and magnetic bring an uplifting energy that feels so good to be around. Those people won’t have to earn any attention; it just comes automatically because they make everyone feel that little bit brighter when they’re around.
2. They naturally make other people feel included.
Don’t you just love being in the company of someone who actually seems like they want you to be there?! I can’t stress enough how time flies when you’re spending time with someone like this.
I used to work with a woman back in 2002 who was a joy. She always brought me into conversations in the smallest of ways, either with a glance, a link to me in whatever she was saying, or even just a shift in body language that meant she turned to me and included me.
There are so many ways one can include another, and that’s the beauty of us all being different. Inclusivity is about welcoming and harnessing that which makes each person different, rather than assuming a one-size-fits-all approach. Few things will draw people to you more than showing them that they’re welcome.
3. They listen without judgment.
What a breath of fresh air those who listen without passing judgment are. Sometimes, when you really want to get something off your chest or speak about a situation that’s been really bothering you, the last thing you want is a side-eye or a raised eyebrow in return.
This reminds me a lot of psychologist Carl Rogers’ principle of active listening, which is essentially being a safe space for someone to talk, without throwing unsolicited advice their way the first second they open their mouth to speak. It’s about holding back and giving them space to just speak their mind, and not rushing in to fix or correct it.
It’s no wonder people like this draw others in – after all, not many of us can resist the urge to jump in with our own thoughts and assumptions. They’ve earned that spot.
4. Instead of shallow charm, they carry a genuine interest.
I cringed just writing the word charm. Yes, many characters out there are full of it, but rarely does that lead to a long, healthy relationship with them. Charm can be shallow, and often, the reason a person is charming is because they want to sell you a certain version of themselves that they’ve entirely made up.
I’ve fallen for that a fair few times in my life.
Those with a genuine interest are gentler. They listen with intent, they remember little details you tell them, they bring their real character to the table, flaws and all, and allow you to see it.
That is the kind of person we all need in our lives, and I fully believe in quality over quantity.
5. They’re great at making other people feel interesting.
“Oh wow, your job sounds like a real adventure every day!” “I never thought I’d meet another person who was such a huge fan of smooth jazz like I am.” “You really know your stuff when it comes to gardening. What great advice!”
Three simple statements that, if spoken to the relevant people, would surely make them feel seen and interested. It can feel like the conversational equivalent of someone putting a little air in your car tires. That’s because feeling seen and acknowledged by someone activates the brain’s reward pathway. That is, it’s a real mood-booster, because it releases those happy hormones that pump around your body.
So you feel good, and what’s more, they also feel good for communicating so positively, thus reinforcing the pro-social behavior in both of you.
6. They’re great at making people feel comfortable.
Do you know anybody with whom, when you stand, you can feel the rigidity in your body? It’s as if you are bracing for impact, yet there is no actual physical impact that occurs. They talk, or make a subtle comment about you that makes you shift awkwardly on the spot, and you think, “How do they manage to do this every single time I see them?”
I know a few, and I think I speak on all our behalf when I say that I try to see them as infrequently as I can for that very reason.
Then there are those who are the total opposite: welcoming, understanding, and always just able to put you at ease. It’s not necessarily that they behave or communicate in a certain way, but rather that they let you do you, without enforcing their norms or behaviors on you. That way, they make everything that little bit softer and more pleasant.
It’s a nice way to become the center of attention, don’t you think?
7. The tone of the room is cleverly picked up by them.
It takes a very special kind of person to walk into a room and be able to pick up the tone, and just recently, I discovered that recent research shows there are actually many different ways to do this (contrary to what traditional body language experts would have you believe), depending on who the person is.
For example, not everybody interprets facial expressions and body language in the same way, and some lean more into the background of the room in order to pick up how it feels to be inside it.
It’s amazing that some people just get it, though, regardless of how they get it. Rooms are read like a book, and they can tell who appears approachable, and who may want a little space. To be able to get that right is a very special way to read social cues, making those the types of people that a room really needs.
8. They help people who genuinely need it, without fanfare.
The world definitely needs more positive connections like this. To be able to lend a hand and know you’re genuinely making a difference is fulfilling, and it leaves a lasting impact on others.
People like this help because they want to, not because they feel obligated to. They’re not doing it to demand attention, and often they don’t even expect attention, but ironically, it’s that which actually draws people’s attention to them in all the right ways.
Final thoughts…
I find it wonderful that there is more than one way to be the center of attention, and it doesn’t have to derive from having narcissistic or entitled characteristics.
Being the kind of open person whose energy attracts people is far different from stomping into a room and performing for an audience. It means you don’t anticipate attention, but that your good nature draws it in anyway. It’s a modest way to live, but in having these behaviors, some people are much more likely to inadvertently gain that following, as opposed to those who can’t seem to live without it.
