No, You Shouldn’t Let Your Husband Sleep With Another Woman

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Your husband wants to sleep with another woman. He’s likely mentioned it or even asked whether he can.

And if you’re here, reading this, you’re thinking about letting him.

After all, it’s just sex. He’ll come back to you, and you’ll continue to have a normal life afterwards.

Right?

Wrong.

If you let your husband sleep with someone else, it’s highly unlikely to happen only once. Your entire marriage will change. You’re not going to look at each other the same way as you did before.

Ask yourself this: could you really have a happy marriage with your husband knowing that he’s had sex with someone else?

First of all, sex is never just sex. Your husband might develop feelings for the person he sleeps with, or that person will develop feelings for him. Keeping sex separate from emotions just doesn’t work.

You are also likely to resent your husband for doing this even if you give him your blessing. If you “get even” by sleeping with someone else too, and it was not what you initially wanted to do, you may resent your husband for initiating it. You might not feel attracted to him as a result, and he may not want to have sex with you anymore.

Granted, there are open marriages where the husband and the wife are free to have sex with other people. Some people even make it work. However, this is when an open marriage was something that they both genuinely wanted.

Do you want your husband to sleep with another woman? Do you want to sleep with someone else? Or is it all about what he wants?

If you weren’t already leaning toward an open relationship, and polyamory is just not your thing, don’t do what your husband wants just to please him. Instead, take some time to consider why he wants an open relationship.

Have you been having problems in the bedroom? Did things become boring? Or are there other problems in your marriage that your husband might be trying to escape from?

When your husband expresses the wish to sleep with other women, you should say no and work on your marriage if you want to stay in it.

Yes, sleeping with someone else might make him happy (for a while), and you might not have a jealous bone in your body. However, the two of you are probably not considering things in the long run.

Letting a third person into your marriage changes it forever. You can’t have one night of passionate sex with a stranger and then expect things to go back to normal. So, don’t kid yourself that this isn’t going to have long-term consequences.

Even if you set ground rules, that’s not how love works. You can’t tell your husband not to fall in love with another woman. He may not be able to prevent that if the emotions occur as a result of physical intimacy. Feelings aren’t rational, you can’t plan the way you’ll both feel after the infidelity happens.

And it is infidelity, even if you’re aware of it and gave your permission. You will probably perceive it as infidelity too. So, you’ll have to deal with the same consequences that cheating would cause.

If the prospect of your husband sleeping with another woman feels wrong, then what should you do when he keeps asking for it? First, you need to know the reason why your husband acts this way, and you are about to read some of the possible causes.

Reasons why your husband wants to sleep with another woman:

1. He wants to know that he’s still desirable.

Just like women seek the attention of the opposite sex to feel desirable, the same applies to men. When a person is not confident in their looks, they seek outside validation to prove to themselves that they’re still attractive.

Maybe your husband wants to prove that ladies could still be interested in him enough to sleep with him. Having sex with another woman would prove that he can find a woman willing to sleep with him without a lot of effort. This would mean that he’s attractive enough for women to want him. And maybe he needs to be reminded that he is desirable.

Do you show your husband that he’s attractive? You probably love him, but do you want him, and do you show that? Do you acknowledge the fact that other women could be attracted to him? Are you still attracted to him?

If there’s little to no passion in your marriage, try to become more passionate and show your husband that you want him. You can also compliment him to give him the ego boost that he’s looking for, and hopefully, that will be enough to prove to him that he’s still attractive.

2. The marriage became boring.

After a long time together, your everyday life can become monotonous. A new person would bring new, exciting experiences into your life. So, your husband might be bored in the marriage and miss the thrill of hooking up with someone new.

Has your marriage turned into a routine? Do you try new things, have fun together, and act spontaneously sometimes? Is there a big lack of romance and excitement in your life? Are your days full of chores and routines?

You can’t be someone new, but you can definitely bring new experiences into your husband’s life. Plan fun date ideas and do exciting and unexpected things together. Find a hobby, try new food, travel, meet new people… Experiment with everything and keep an open mind.

Don’t do anything that you’re not comfortable doing, but be open to trying out things that you wouldn’t normally do. Bring this kind of excitement into your life, and into your bedroom. Create a romantic atmosphere every now and then and find more ways to rekindle the passion.

3. He’s not attracted to you anymore.

Unfortunately, your husband might not be attracted to you anymore. Don’t let this affect your self-esteem. This lack of attraction might not have anything to do with you. A person can stop being attracted to you simply because you’re always around and things have fallen into a rut.

But you can do something about that. Plan regular date nights and ask your husband to pick you up once you’re all dressed up. Remind him of how great you can look when you put a bit of effort into your appearance. People often become too comfortable in long-term relationships and forget to make that effort.

Since he married you, your husband was probably attracted to you before. So, try to show him that he can still feel that same attraction again.

Taking care of your physical appearance might not have been a priority for you with work, kids (if you have them), and other obligations. If your husband isn’t attracted to you anymore though, you should definitely consider making this your priority for a while. Along with fun date ideas and new exciting experiences, this could be a way to give him what he’s looking for without involving a new person.

4. There are big problems in your marriage.

Is your marriage in a crisis? Is your husband’s demand just a symptom of a bigger problem? Maybe you can’t communicate properly, and you frequently fight. You don’t enjoy each other’s company anymore, and you’re even uncomfortable spending time together.

Maybe you go your separate ways when you have free time and rarely see each other. Perhaps you only talk about what you need to do and where you need to go.

If instead of long, meaningful conversations, you only talk about chores and fight the rest of the time, that’s a marriage crisis. Your husband might be trying to run away from your problems into another woman’s arms or is even looking for a way out of the marriage.

You should definitely consider couples counseling if you want your marriage to survive. Letting your husband sleep with another woman is not going to save it. In fact, it might end it.

5. You don’t have sex anymore.

Do you and your husband regularly have sex? What does regularly mean? Well, if you can’t remember the last time you and your husband had sex, you’re not doing it regularly. People in long-term relationships tend to have sex less often.

You’re a married couple and no one expects you to be all over each other all the time as if you were still in the honeymoon phase. However, if it hasn’t been a week, but a month since the last time you slept together, it’s been too long.

If you don’t have sex anymore or have sex very rarely, that’s probably why your husband wants to find someone else to have sex with.

Why are you not having sex anymore though? Are you not attracted to your husband? Are you rarely in the mood because of all the other things going on? Do you and your husband regularly show intimacy in other ways such as hugging and kissing? Or have things gone cold in your marriage?

Would you rather let your husband sleep with someone else than have sex with him yourself? If this is the case, your marriage is in a crisis that could very possibly end it. Are you actually okay with that?

6. You don’t give him enough of your time and attention.

Maybe you don’t have a lot of free time. If you have a job and kids, you are left with little time for yourself and your husband. Do you rarely spend time together because of other obligations? Are you giving all your time and attention to your kids or your career?

When was the last time you and your husband had romantic one-on-one time outside of the house? Maybe your husband thinks about someone else because you don’t give him enough time and attention.

Again, you should make date night a regular thing. Your husband really needs your attention right now. So maybe you could take some time away from being with the kids or at work and dedicate it to giving your husband your full attention. Maybe you could hire a nanny or get a few days off work.

If your husband wants to be with someone else because he can’t be with you as much as he wants, give him your time and attention instead of giving him permission to find someone else.

7. Your husband is scared of growing old.

Growing old can really get to some people. The realization that you’re getting old can hit you in the face when you look in the mirror, and people often try to stop themselves from aging by doing things that make them feel young again.

Many men will consider sleeping with other women as an anti-aging solution, especially young women. Your husband might be scared of growing old. Could he be searching for a woman to make him feel young again?

Help your husband feel young again, but also remind him of all the benefits of being older. Plan something fun and active so that your husband can feel youthful again. If he wants to buy a fast car, go to college, or get hair implants, support this as an alternative to sleeping with other women.

You can also encourage him to talk to a therapist who can help him understand that growing older doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Help your husband accept that he can’t live the life he lived before he met you, but that he can still have a great life.

What to do when your husband wants to sleep with other women?

So what should you do about it? Now that you know why your husband wants to sleep with another woman, see if there’s a way you can eliminate the reason. For instance, if things are boring in the bedroom (or outside it as well), work to spice things up. Try new things, go on dates, and find the time for romance.

If you let your husband scratch this itch and sleep with someone else, it will harm your self-esteem and your marriage. You are likely to resent him—while also feeling ashamed and betrayed—even if you were initially on board with it.

Consider whether you ever wanted to be in an open marriage and if that type of arrangement appeals to you. If not, don’t invite other people into your bed and into your marriage. Even people who want to be in an open marriage don’t always make it work, let alone those who only agree to it to please their spouse.

So, don’t ever say yes to something that you’re not really comfortable with. Know that it’s never “just sex” and your husband is a human being, so he can’t control the emotions that come from sleeping with someone.

The fact is, allowing your husband to sleep with someone else is quite likely to end your marriage, either gradually or instantaneously.

Is your husband trying to find a way out of the marriage? If your marriage is in trouble, consider whether you are both willing to work on it or whether you should go your separate ways, get a divorce, and sleep with whoever you want afterwards.

Whatever you decide, make sure to talk to someone about it. Choose a relationship therapist who can help you fix your marriage. And if your relationship does not recover, that same therapist can also assist you with navigating the aftermath.

A relationship therapist can listen to you and help you understand your entire situation better. They can give you tailored advice on what to do when your husband wants to sleep with someone else by offering pointers on how exactly to approach the situation and explain to your husband that what he wants could ruin your marriage.

A good place to get help is the website Relationship Hero – here, you’ll be able to connect with a relationship therapist via phone, video, or instant message.

While you can try to work through this situation yourself or as a couple, it may be a bigger issue than self-help can fix. And if it is affecting your relationship and mental well-being, it is a significant thing that needs to be resolved.

Too many people – both couples and individuals – try to muddle through and do their best to solve problems that they never really get to grips with. If it’s at all possible in your circumstances, speaking to a relationship therapist is 100% the best way forward.

Click here if you’d like to learn more about the service Relationship Hero provide and the process of getting started.

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About Author

Ana Vakos enjoys writing about love and all the problems that come with it. Everyone has experiences with love, and everyone needs dating advice, so giving these topics more attention and spreading the word means a lot to her.