Men love sex. They think about it much more than most women do.
And it’s not just the physical enjoyment they like; men often feel connected through sex, on a deep, emotional level.
So why is your man sexually frustrated?
Well, odds are you’re not having sex as often as he’d like. However, the answer is not quite that simple.
Ask yourself when you last had sex and how it felt. It’s probably safe to assume that you either haven’t had sex in a while or the sex didn’t really blow your mind (or his).
Either way, there is a problem in your sex life that needs to be addressed.
Simply having sex with him even though you’re not in the mood isn’t the solution. What can be a solution is working on your sex life so that it’s satisfying for both of you.
You don’t need to simply have sex; you need to have sex that both of you will truly enjoy. This is not to say that you can’t satisfy him sexually, it’s just likely that there is a disconnect in what you both want.
Having a healthy sex life that can drastically improve your relationship, as well as both your lives.
Let’s first see whether your partner is sexually frustrated, and then we’ll discuss what you can do about this.
Speak to a certified relationship counselor about this issue. Why? Because they have the training and experience to help you figure out a way to make your sex life fulfilling for both partners while respecting your different needs. You may want to try speaking to someone via RelationshipHero.com for practical advice that is tailored to your exact circumstances.
16 Signs He Is Sexually Frustrated
A man who is sexually frustrated will show it in the way he acts, thinks, looks, and talks. If your man is showing many of the following signs, he probably has some unmet sexual needs.
1. He is irritable and has a short fuse.
Does your man snap at you for no apparent reason? Is he constantly irritable and has a short fuse? Maybe his mood has changed recently, or it’s been different for a while. If so, consider the possibility that it started once you stopped having sex or once your sex stopped being satisfying for both of you, not just him.
Couples connect through sex, and when that connection is compromised by a lack of sex, couples become less understanding and sympathetic.
Sex also represents a certain release from stress, so without sex, your man may become stressed out to the point that he lashes out at you and possibly other people as well. Sexual dissatisfaction definitely affects his mood, so consider when this all started.
2. His hobbies become a priority to him.
Seeking fulfillment elsewhere doesn’t necessarily mean an affair. It could mean redirecting all that pent-up energy into your job, your hobbies, or spending time with your friends and family.
Just like you can be passionate about your partner in a sexual sense, you can direct that passion into other things that bring you the fulfillment that’s been lacking in your sex life.
So, if your man is suddenly obsessed with his hobbies or job, or if he spends a lot more time with his other loved ones, it could be because he is sexually frustrated and is looking for fulfillment that he’s not getting in your relationship.
It’s very likely that his hobbies will be related to physical activity, such as going to the gym or practicing sports, which serves as a physical outlet instead of sex.
3. He becomes distant.
If your man is sexually frustrated, there’s a good chance that you have been frequently rejecting your man’s sexual advances. So, he is being distant as a defense mechanism to avoid your rejection.
When you reject him, it hurts. As a result, he gave up on initiating sex to prevent the source of his hurt feelings by distancing himself from you.
Maybe he didn’t say anything about it (and isn’t going to), but if you frequently turn him down, it’s likely the cause of his frustration and the reason he became distant.
4. He is frustrated and easily annoyed.
When all your needs are met, it’s unlikely that you’ll be annoyed by everything your partner says and does. On the contrary, this happens when you feel rejected, neglected, hurt, and lonely in your relationship. If you frequently turn down your man’s sexual advances, this is exactly how he feels. So he reacts by being frustrated and easily annoyed by you.
For a lot of men, physical touch is their primary love language. This means that you are not giving him the type of love he craves because you’re rejecting him sexually. He might not even feel loved by you.
You will need to speak his language to help him understand that you still love him, and this means expressing your love through physical touch, not your preferred love language, such as words of affection or buying gifts. You need to speak the same love language to understand each other.
5. He always wants sex and asks for it constantly.
This one pretty much speaks for itself. Your man wants sex all the time, and it seems like he’s constantly asking for it. You might have mismatched libidos, and while you can’t be in the mood all the time, when you reject him repeatedly, he will stop asking for it (but he’ll still want it).
This means that your man will look for other ways to find fulfillment. Maybe he will hit the gym to get the release he craves, or he might consider having an affair. So don’t ignore this problem, and don’t reject him every time. You don’t have to have actual sex to express affection through physical touch.
6. He stops initiating sex and avoids the topic of sex.
On the other hand, maybe your man entirely gave up on initiating sex and doesn’t even want to talk about it. This is likely because he has been turned down too many times, and he doesn’t want to risk it happening again.
In addition, talking about sex might make him uncomfortable. Or he may fear that you’ll judge him or reject him again when he expresses his desire.
7. He’s not satisfied with your sex life.
Clearly, a man who is sexually frustrated isn’t satisfied with his sex life. This could mean one of several things. For instance, maybe you frequently reject him, or perhaps you have sex when you’re not in the mood so you “just lay there” and expect him to do all the work.
However, the reason he’s not satisfied with your sex life might not have anything to do with his satisfaction, but yours.
It’s very important for a man to know that he can satisfy his woman, so if he thinks that he’s not satisfying you, he will be frustrated.
8. He is less affectionate.
If you are frequently rejecting your man’s sexual advances, he may not feel desired, appreciated, or even loved. So, he reacts to this by withdrawing and becoming less affectionate with you. He doesn’t want to risk being rejected, and it pains him that he feels unwanted in the relationship.
This is why he stops showing affection altogether. It’s not just that he stopped initiating sex, he stopped initiating any kind of physical affection, such as cuddling and kissing. He became cold and distant and possibly doesn’t show affection in any other way either.
9. You fight more often.
Sex is important in a relationship. It helps increase connection, intimacy, and, ultimately, love. When the sex is gone or not satisfying, couples disconnect on a deep level and become agitated and easily annoyed by each other. This is why they start fighting more.
Your man is probably starting arguments for no apparent reason other than his bad mood. The two of you should remind yourselves to make love, not war. Once you’re having a fulfilling sex life again, you will have fewer arguments.
10. He wants to try new things in the bedroom.
Your man might be trying to save your relationship without you even realizing it. If he suggests trying out new things in the bedroom, he is making an effort to improve your sex life. You should encourage this, not reject it.
Naturally, you shouldn’t do anything that you’re not comfortable doing. However, it’s important to keep an open mind and try different things because you might discover something that you truly enjoy, and it might even save your relationship!
11. He is depressed.
Your man is not just frustrated, he is depressed. Maybe he is hiding it well by finding fulfillment in other areas of his life, but the lack of intimacy will make him feel bad about himself and your relationship.
When you don’t reciprocate his attempts to be flirtatious and you avoid the topic of sex, he will withdraw completely and give up on trying to improve your sex life. You shouldn’t let that happen.
12. He stops caring about his appearance.
People often let themselves go when they’re not sexually active. Maybe you reject your man because you’re not as attracted to him as you were before. However, he might have stopped taking care of himself because you kept rejecting him sexually.
Maybe you neglected to care for your physical appearance too. The two of you could work on getting out of the rut together. Start going to the gym, dressing up, using perfume, and anything else that will make you look and feel good.
Remind yourselves of the people you were back when you couldn’t keep your hands off each other.
13. He’s thinking about having an affair.
Maybe he’ll find fulfillment in a hobby such as going to the gym or playing sports. However, he might start thinking about finding that fulfillment with another person.
If your man is sexually frustrated, it’s very likely that he’s at least thought about having an affair. You are not to blame if your man cheats on you, but if there are clear signs that he’s sexually frustrated, you can do something to prevent that affair from happening.
14. He’s not confident in his sexual abilities.
It’s very important for a man to know that he can satisfy a woman. Sex is not just about his pleasure; it’s about your pleasure as well. So even if you’re having sex that he enjoys, if you’re not into it as well, he could stop feeling confident in his sexual abilities.
This is a huge hit for his ego, and a very painful realization for a man. If he can’t satisfy you sexually, he will think of himself as less of a man. Even worse, he will think that you think of him as less of a man, and this could ruin his self-esteem entirely.
15. He watches more adult material.
Maybe your man isn’t thinking about cheating with anyone else but the actresses in adult videos. If he is sexually frustrated and in need of sexual release, while you keep rejecting him, he could turn to the internet for help.
While a lot of people occasionally watch adult videos, a sexually frustrated man is more likely to watch them frequently. It could go either way really—he could stop pleasuring himself altogether and dedicate his energy to other activities, or he could start giving himself that release much more frequently than the average person.
16. He doesn’t feel the connection, and you’re communicating less.
As already mentioned, sex creates a connection between people. When sex is gone, this connection suffers. So, your man doesn’t feel the same way about you and your relationship.
What’s more, since you’re not connected the way you were, your communication could suffer the consequences. When the sex and the connection are gone, the next thing that goes away is communication. He will become cold, distant, and unwilling to talk about anything, let alone the issue at hand.
14 Ways To Deal With Your Partner When He Is Sexually Frustrated
So, your man desperately wants sex. This is dangerous territory where he is more likely to take risks to satisfy his needs, such as having an affair. You need to react quickly. Keep reading to learn how exactly to do that.
1. Don’t ignore the problem.
The worst thing that you can do in your situation is ignore the problem entirely. You can’t pretend that nothing’s going on and wait for it to resolve itself. Nothing is going to change if you don’t change anything.
Acknowledge that your partner is sexually frustrated and might not seem interested in you sexually anymore due to your constant rejections. Don’t sweep the problem under the rug or pretend like it’s not a big deal.
Sex is a very important part of a healthy relationship, so don’t ignore this issue. Instead, get ready to do something about it before it dooms your relationship.
2. Don’t avoid the topic of sex.
Talking about sex makes a lot of people uncomfortable, and it can feel awkward. However, it’s very healthy to talk about sex in a committed relationship, even if everything is going great, let alone if it’s causing problems in your relationship.
Bring up the topic of sex and make your partner comfortable talking about it. Don’t point fingers, blame him, or turn this into an argument. Simply acknowledge the problem and calmly discuss the possible solutions.
Make your partner feel safe so that he can open up to you and help you get to the root of the issue.
3. Talk about the positive sexual experiences that you’ve had together.
When you start the conversation about sex, start with something positive. Talk about the positive sexual experiences that you had together. Remind yourselves of the time when you couldn’t keep your hands off each other. Let your partner know about the times when he rocked your world in bed, and make sure to point out what exactly he did that made you enjoy sex more.
Remind yourselves that you can still have positive sexual experiences and ask yourselves when it stopped and why. This will also help you get to the root of the problem and make you feel comfortable talking about sex.
In addition, it is likely to feed your partner’s hurt ego and help raise his self-esteem, which will make things better on its own.
4. Don’t expect things to change overnight.
While you’re talking about your positive experiences, you might start hoping that things will be like that again as soon as you jump into bed and get down to business. However, this is not likely to happen.
The problem didn’t start overnight, and it’s not going to get solved overnight either. It will take effort from both of you to improve your sex life and help your partner stop being sexually frustrated. Simply having sex just for the sake of this happening isn’t going to do the trick.
5. Identify the root of the issue.
Explore the reasons why this is happening. When did it first start? Can you talk about the real reasons? For instance, maybe your partner wants you to take better care of your personal hygiene and you would like him to put more effort into looking attractive. Maybe he is selfish in bed.
While these things aren’t easy to hear, they can solve your problem. But first you need to talk about them to get your sex life back on track.
If all it takes is showering and dressing up, why wouldn’t you try that? However, your partner’s sexual frustration might be just a symptom of an underlying issue that you will need to discuss with a therapist to fully understand and resolve it.
6. Don’t make excuses.
To resolve this problem, you will need to be honest with yourself, not just with your partner. Are you really having headaches five nights in a row? Are you actually too tired to have sex for weeks at a time? Or are these just excuses to avoid getting intimate with your partner?
You might have problems with intimacy that are causing your partner’s frustration, so don’t run away from this. Are you not attracted to him the way you once were? Does your past have something to do with your fear of intimacy? It would be best to discuss these things with a therapist and focus on working on yourself, not just on your partner and your relationship.
7. Tell him what you like.
A surprising number of women never actually talk to their men about what they like when it comes to sex. Help him satisfy you. Doing so will bring him more satisfaction and improve your sex life while at the same time increasing his self-esteem.
Don’t expect him to be a mind-reader, and be open to talking about sex, freely, calmly, honestly, and openly. Whatever it is that you’d like to try, let him know, and he’ll likely be thrilled to do it for you. Solving your problem might be as simple as that.
8. Ask him what he likes.
What he likes in bed is also important, and maybe he never told you out of fear of being judged. Keep an open mind and ask him about his dislikes and likes when it comes to sex. Ask him about his wildest fantasies and what would make him feel like he has a fulfilling sex life.
Talk about how often he’d like to have sex and whether you could meet that need. If not, try to find a compromise that will work for both of you.
9. Experiment in the bedroom.
Be open to trying new things. Whether your partner suggests them or you bring them up, be open to experimenting in the bedroom. Fulfill each other’s fantasies that you’re comfortable trying.
Maybe you’d even be okay with having an open relationship as a possible solution to your issue. No one should judge you. Whatever two consenting adults decide to do is their business.
Try toys, bondage, stripping for each other, or anything that you’re okay with trying out. You might discover new things that actually turn you on enough to want sex more often.
10. Explore your bodies.
Self-pleasure is okay too, but this is also something that you can do together. Explore your bodies, separately and in front of each other. Talk about what you like, and show each other what gets you going.
Invest more time into foreplay, and be okay with occasionally sticking to foreplay without it leading to anything. You can frequently express physical affection without it leading to actual sex, and it will build up the sexual tension enough for you to have mind-blowing sex once you finally get to it.
11. Explore other ways of expressing physical intimacy.
The physical touch love language doesn’t just mean sex. Kissing, hugging, making out, snuggling, foreplay… These are also ways of expressing physical affection, so use them more frequently.
Maybe you’re not in the mood for sex, but how about cuddling? Help your partner understand that touching each other doesn’t always have to lead to sex, and find pleasure in exploring other ways of expressing physical intimacy.
12. Work on your connection.
Try to connect on a deeper level again. You can do this by expressing physical affection more often and having sex. You can also connect by having meaningful conversations and communicating openly about everything.
Find a way to have a fulfilling love life that isn’t based purely on sex. Try engaging in hobbies together and going on dates more often. Bring romance back into your relationship, and it is likely to put you into the right mood for snuggles.
13. Communicate openly and keep an open mind.
The most important part of resolving this problem is communicating openly and keeping an open mind.
Your partner is not going to tell you what turns him on if he thinks that you’ll consider it perverted, gross, or weird. Be open to hearing him out even if you don’t like what you hear, and try to give it the benefit of the doubt.
14. Talk to a couples counselor.
In the end, you can always talk to a couples counselor who can help you improve your sex life. If you can’t do it on your own, don’t hesitate to ask for help, because this is a very important aspect of your relationship and you shouldn’t take this problem lightly.
Sex can bring you closer together, but it can also push you apart, so strive to have a satisfying and intimate relationship with your partner.
Relationship Hero is a website where you can connect with a certified relationship counselor via phone, video, or instant message.