Speak to an accredited and experienced therapist to help you develop your sexual discipline if you currently struggle to control your urges. Simply click here to connect with one via BetterHelp.com.
It can be very tempting to sleep with someone you’re attracted to, but what if that’s not what you want to do?
Lust is a powerful thing, and you need to learn to control yourself so that it doesn’t take over.
That’s where sexual discipline comes in.
Maybe you’d like to hold out long enough to get to know someone better before sleeping with them, or you’re saving yourself for religious reasons.
Whatever your motives are, it’s good to wait before getting sexually involved with someone.
The thing is, when people sleep together, an intimate bond is formed. You could confuse intense feelings of attachment and pleasure with real intimacy and true long-lasting love. Obviously, this causes problems and often leads to heartbreak.
To find real, enduring love, you have to get to know the person better before getting sexually involved with them.
If you do have sex early on, it is possible to still fall in love. However, it can lead to problems later on in the relationship. So, taking it slow means playing it safe.
In addition to all this, waiting for the right time to have sex can actually be fun. You will enjoy the dating experience that leads to sex instead of skipping it and jumping straight into a sexual relationship.
You’ll be able to connect in more ways than just sexually. Plus, the sexual tension between you builds up over time. So, you’ll enjoy incredible chemistry before you sleep together and once you do.
There are more benefits of controlling sexual desire, so keep reading to find out all the ways you can avoid sexual temptation, fight lust, and limit sexual thoughts.
1. Remind yourself of the benefits of waiting.
You will create a deeper bond with the person you’re attracted to if you wait to get to know them better before having sex with them. You’re more likely to have a successful relationship if you wait, even though things can still work out despite rushing.
The odds don’t always work in your favor when you rush though. Some people will lie about their intentions. They’ll just use the opportunity to sleep with you without being interested in anything more than that.
If you’re looking for something meaningful, you’re more likely to find it if you have self-control sexually.
The greatest benefit of waiting is that it weeds out those who are simply wrong for you.
When you control sexual arousal, you’re also lowering your risk of catching STDs and getting pregnant.
What’s more, sex is truly special if you wait long enough to find the right person. You’ll be able to have real intimacy with them, and real intimacy is more than just sex.
2. Have high standards.
Imagine your ideal partner. Surely they have many desirable traits, and they treat you the way you deserve to be treated. It’s important to have high standards and stick to them. This alone will keep you from jumping into bed with someone you might be attracted to who doesn’t really qualify for the role of your partner.
You must know what you are looking for to get what you want. Simply having high standards could help you control sexual urges.
After all, you’ll have to learn more about the person to make sure that they’re the one you’ve been looking for. If they’re not, there’s no point in sleeping with them. And if they are, waiting a bit is the safest route to ending up in a healthy relationship.
It’s not enough to have high standards when it comes to picking out a partner though. You should hold yourself to high moral standards as well. This can lead to self-discipline in other areas of your life, not just your love life.
Let’s be honest, it can be challenging to live by high moral standards all the time. However, as long as you try your best, you’re likely to make wiser choices in all aspects of your life.
Hold yourself accountable and get back on track when you slip up. If you maintain high standards, you are likely to find people who do the same. Even those who don’t will respect you more, and they’re less likely to tempt you if they know that you’re a person of sexual integrity.
3. Avoid tempting situations.
You can’t always resist temptation, but most of the time, you can avoid it. Consider the tempting situations that you could find yourself in. Being alone with the person you want to sleep with is clearly a tempting situation.
Obviously, you should avoid dimly lit jazz clubs and slow dancing with the person you’re trying NOT to sleep with.
Being around other people in a public place during the daytime sounds like a much better choice for a date.
If you want to avoid physical touch, consider the activity that you’ll be doing so you’re not tempted. (But dancing to slow jazz might not be a great idea, even if it’s in public during the daytime!)
4. Walk away from temptation.
When you can’t avoid a tempting situation, you can walk away from it. Removing yourself from the tempting environment might be the best way to avoid sexual temptation.
You can try to avoid being alone in a romantic atmosphere with the person you like, but what if you end up in one anyway?
For instance, you go to a party and end up sitting alone together while the other guests are having fun and hooking up. You might drink a bit and think it’s a great idea if you hook up too.
So, should you stay and see where it goes or go home and meet them for coffee tomorrow?
What if they try to convince you to stay and even push you to sleep with them? Don’t forget that you can always excuse yourself and walk away, even if the person is pushing you to stay. Especially then.
Whenever you find your sexual discipline being tested, simply walk away from the situation.
5. Identify your triggers and avoid them.
Think about what triggers your urges and try to identify the patterns if there are any. For example, you might find yourself turned on when you go out on the weekends or when there’s nothing to do at night.
Maybe you can find a hobby to practice on the weekends or at times when it’s difficult to fight lust.
Other things could trigger you too. For instance, you might find it hard to control your sexual desires when you watch movies with steamy love scenes.
So, you could start watching non-romantic movies much more than the romantic ones.
It’s a good idea to write down specific triggers. You will have to put effort into avoiding the things that you write down.
For instance, maybe you get horny when you drink wine, and you planned to go wine tasting with your date. It might be better to go on a coffee date instead.
Avoiding alcohol in general is a good idea, but more on that later.
6. Plan dates during the daytime.
Again, it’s best to be surrounded by other people when you’re dating someone that you’re trying not to sleep with before the right time. So, pick a public place and make sure that you plan the date in the daytime.
After a night out, if a person decides to sleep with someone, they usually do it at their house or their date’s place. This is much less likely to happen if you spend time together during the daytime, stay around other people, and don’t drink alcohol.
So, take note of these things before planning a date with someone you like. Don’t get yourself into a tempting situation when you could easily plan a date that is much less likely to lead to sex.
Obviously, being alone with your date at their place or your place is a bad idea—even during the daytime—but especially at night.
They say that the night belongs to the lovers, so until you want to become lovers, stay in the light.
7. Don’t shave your body parts.
There are probably some things that you’d like to do before having sex with someone. A lot of people shave their body parts before they plan to have sex.
So, the answer to your problems might be as simple as skipping shaving before the date.
For instance, if you would normally shave your legs, just wear pants and don’t worry about being tempted to let someone get into them.
If you don’t normally shave your body parts, or this doesn’t apply to you for some other reason, think about the things that you do when you plan to have sex.
Maybe you put on cologne or make sure that you’re wearing nice underwear. Don’t put on cologne and wear the underwear that you don’t want anyone to see! This can work just the same as avoiding shaving!
Don’t prepare yourself for sex, and it might prevent you from having it. It will surely remind you that you are not ready for what you’d like to do, both literally and in the higher sense.
8. Don’t watch adult movies.
Adult material of all kinds is more accessible than ever before, and it rewards sexual urges. So, when you’re trying to avoid arousal, don’t watch things that can turn you on even more.
Avoid explicit material altogether, whether it’s movies, books, magazines, or anything else that floats your boat.
It might be a good idea to avoid getting intimate with yourself altogether too. You’re trying to stop yourself from sleeping with someone, so fantasizing about them clearly isn’t a good idea.
You have chosen to wait to have sex, but giving up on adult entertainment and self-pleasure might sound like taking it too far. But just like you’re not giving up sex forever, you’re not giving up these other things either. You’re just postponing them and switching your focus from sex to other things for the time being.
Let’s be honest: it will be hard not to think about sex if you look at adult material. So at least remove this as a cause of sexual thoughts. By not thinking about it so much, you’ll also give it less importance, which means you’ll need it less and you can control yourself better.
9. Redirect your passion.
Focusing on other things is of crucial importance when you want to stop sexual thoughts and fight lust. This can mean shifting your focus entirely from physical intimacy to other areas of your life.
Maybe you could put more energy into your work so that you can get a promotion, a raise, or change your career path altogether.
Don’t completely throw yourself into your career though. Make sure to focus on things that you enjoy doing, such as your favorite hobby or self-care routines.
And remember, passion isn’t reserved for sex. You can find your passion in doing something creative. Find a new hobby if you’re not passionate about your existing hobbies, and if you are, dedicate more time to them.
You need to have a lot of things to do to stop sexual thoughts. If you are focused on pursuing your passion, you’re less likely to think about sex as often.
You could also be passionate about a specific charity and dedicate your energy to volunteering and fighting for your cause.
Find what you’re passionate about and do that as much as possible. Focus on improving yourself too and make yourself happy.
10. Avoid drugs and alcohol.
It’s no secret that people lose their inhibitions when they’re under the influence of drugs or alcohol.
This includes sexual control. So you are less likely to sleep with someone if you avoid drugs and alcohol. If you don’t avoid them, you’re more likely to engage in sexual activities that can be risky.
So, don’t drink and love. You can learn more about sober dating by reading our article: 10 Dry Dating Tips To Find Love While Sober
This can help with more things than just controlling your sexual urges. When you don’t use drugs and alcohol, you are generally more in control. You can control what you say, what you do, and what you think with much more ease than if you were under the influence.
Try to avoid dating ideas that involve drinking alcohol. Instead of planning a date at the whiskey bar during happy hour, suggest that you go kayaking. Go apple picking instead of wine tasting.
Don’t forget that you should date during the daytime anyway, and this makes it less likely that you’ll drink too.
11. Meditate or pray.
Clearing your mind when you get overwhelmed with urges is a great way to get rid of them. You can do this through mindfulness and meditation, but feel free to pray if you are religious since you can achieve a similar effect.
The more you practice, the easier it will get. After you take a few minutes to clear your head, shift focus back to the activity that you were engaged in before the thoughts occurred.
If you are religious and want to control sexual urges for spiritual reasons, feel free to seek support from a trusted religious leader.
Otherwise, learn more about meditation and practice it regularly. It is a great way to identify unwanted thoughts and let them go as they come.
12. Keep yourself busy.
You are unlikely to struggle with sexual thoughts if your mind is preoccupied with other things.
As already mentioned, you should redirect your passion into your hobby, but don’t stop there. Create to-do lists every day and fill your social calendar by finding fun activities that you can try with your friends.
You could also start a creative project and channel that sexual energy into your new project.
Doing something creative like painting or writing is a great way to turn something negative into something positive. Turn your unwanted sexual thoughts into a masterpiece that will be beautiful and useful at the same time.
Exercising is probably the healthiest way to control sexual urges and manage all other sorts of emotions. After all, sex is a physical activity, and your body needs to move, but it can move at the gym instead of in the bedroom!
Set a fitness goal, such as dropping a few pounds, training for a race, or lifting a certain amount of weight. Focus on achieving your goal and sweat the stress away in the gym. You could exercise at home too, but you’re more likely to persist if you join the gym.
Make sure that you move your body when you’re not exercising too. Ride your bike and walk as often as possible.
Schedule fun activities that you can do with your friends or your date that require you to stay active. If you are tired after a physical activity, you’re less likely to agree to sex. In addition, you won’t think about it so much if you’re already tired out.
The best part of this method is that you can get in shape if you persist with it, so you’re killing two birds with one stone.
14. Recognize and postpone sexual thoughts.
Recognizing your sexual thoughts helps you to stop them; it’s also important to understand that it’s not wrong to have them. You just don’t want them to lead to something that you’re not yet ready for.
Eventually, though, you probably do want to have sex. So, your real goal isn’t to stop sexual thoughts, it’s just to postpone them. When you think about sex, just say to yourself that you’ll think about that later and wait as long as possible before you do.
Once you’ve done this repeatedly, it will become easier, and you’ll be able to postpone the thoughts for longer periods of time. This will help you control sexual desire, but not just that. It will also remind you that there is a reward for your efforts, and you’ll eventually be able to give in to your sexual urges.
You’re not giving up on them entirely, you’re just delaying them until the time is right.
15. Take a break.
When you spend a lot of time on a certain task, your mind will start to wander. You might start having sexual thoughts, and this is a sign that you should take a short break.
Go for a walk, make a snack, or have a drink. The point is to do something other than what you were doing when the thoughts occurred.
Try to change your environment even if it means just stepping out of the room to get a glass of water. Recognize when your mind and body need a break and when you could use a distraction.
16. Listen to music or read a book.
Listening to music is an effective way to quiet distracting thoughts while you’re trying to focus on the task at hand. Whether you’re working on a project or driving, putting on some tunes can help you pay attention to what you’re doing.
However, listening to music can also help when you have nothing to do. When you start thinking sexual thoughts because there’s nothing better to do, grab your headphones, read a book, or watch a movie.
Keep in mind that music, books, and movies can have sexual content. So, pick your genres wisely and stick to things that will relax you, not turn you on.
17. Talk to a therapist.
Therapy is a surefire way to deal with intrusive thoughts and can help you learn to control yourself better. If you’re having sex, sexual urges, or sexual thoughts more often than you want to, it can be a symptom of compulsive sexual behavior or hypersexuality.
Even if you don’t struggle with a specific problem, a compassionate therapist can help you to control your sexual urges. They can give you more ways to deal with sexual thoughts when they occur based on your specific situation.
Get tailored advice from a professional, and you’re more likely to practice sexual discipline and control your urges.
BetterHelp.com is a website where you can connect with a therapist via phone, video, or instant message.
While you may try to work through this yourself, it may be a bigger issue than self-help can address. And if it is affecting your mental well-being, relationships, or life in general, it is a significant thing that needs to be resolved.
Too many people try to muddle through and do their best to overcome issues that they never really get to grips with. If it’s at all possible in your circumstances, therapy is 100% the best way forward.
Click here if you’d like to learn more about the service BetterHelp.com provide and the process of getting started.
You’ve already taken the first step just by searching for and reading this article. The worst thing you can do right now is nothing. The best thing is to speak to a therapist. The next best thing is to implement everything you’ve learned in this article by yourself. The choice is yours.
You may also like:
- 15 Key Differences Between Lust And Love
- 10 Big Differences Between Making Love And Having Sex
- 11 Signs Your Relationship Is Moving Too Fast (+ 15 Ways To Slow It Down)
- Sexual Tension: 14 Signs That What You’re Feeling Is Real