Many people place great emphasis on respect, but their focus seems to be more on simply receiving respect from others, rather than earning it in any way. While it’s important to respect other people simply for existing, we tend to show greater amounts of this emotion towards those who earn it well… and respect can be lost far more easily than earned.
Here are several behaviors that are sure to make people value and admire you, and even more importantly, maintain their respect for you indefinitely.
1. Walking the walk, not just talking the talk.
Many of us grew up surrounded by adults who admonished us to “do as they say, not as they do.” As though the rules and expectations they were establishing for others didn’t apply to them. It’s damn near impossible to respect someone who insists that we behave “properly” in order to be treated well, but who is exempt from those same parameters themselves.
As such, one of the best ways to earn others’ respect is to practice what you preach without hypocrisy. Essentially, lead by example by being the type of person that others want to emulate, and if you establish rules for others, adhere to them strictly yourself as well. People often strive to mirror the behaviors of those they respect, so be someone worth emulating.
2. Being sincere, rather than saccharine.
Say what you mean and mean what you say. Don’t give empty compliments when you don’t actually mean them, and don’t call people your “friend” if they’re just an acquaintance or colleague. Basically, be genuine, grounded, and straight to the point rather than embellishing things to seem bigger or more important than they are.
Sincerity and honesty are always the best policy. Not only are these hallmarks of ethical, decent people, but they don’t require you to keep tabs on what you’ve said to whom. Furthermore, be aware of how your actions and words may be interpreted by others. By being mindful and conscious like this, you’ll avoid accidental misunderstandings or faux pas.
3. Being tactful rather than cruel when speaking to (or correcting) others.
When people talk about “gentle parenting”, they aren’t suggesting that people permit their kids to wreak havoc in all directions. Rather, they focus on speaking calmly when dealing with heightened emotions, understanding why problems have arisen, and working towards resolution rather than punishment. This same approach can be taken when speaking to, managing, and even correcting other adults.
Think about the times when you’ve messed up at work and felt terrible about it. Was your boss understanding and patient with you while you both worked to correct the issue? Or did they scream at you about what an idiot you are and humiliate you in front of your colleagues? People who behave in the former fashion are greatly valued and admired by others — both their peers and their subordinates. It’s like a monarch who governs with love rather than fear: they’ll earn much greater loyalty and respect with the former approach.
4. Doing things from principle, not from expectation of reward.
We live in a very reward-based society, and as such, many people behave the way they do because they want to get the prize or cookie for a job well done. This is why a lot of them partake in shallow virtue signaling about their supposedly ethical choices: to gain recognition and accolades rather than because they actually adhere to those principles.
This is a far cry from people who do things quietly or even anonymously, avoiding recognition or praise for their actions. While the type of people mentioned above will change their tune whenever the wind changes direction, those of principle adhere to their tenets in all weather, and have no expectation of reward for doing so. Furthermore, if they’re ever offered rewards for their admirable behavior, they’ll either decline them or pass them along to those they believe deserve them better.
5. Standing up for what you know is morally and ethically correct.
How much respect do you have for those who stand up for what they know is right, even when some others condemn them for it? Similarly, how much contempt do you have towards those who lack the courage of their convictions and fold when push comes to shove?
People admire and value those who stand by their ethics and take action against injustice, cruelty, inequality, and so on. Think about the people from history whom others admire and talk about with the greatest reverence: they aren’t cowards or blancmanges. They’re the ones who have shown great courage and heroism, even in dire circumstances.
6. Being open to others’ feedback.
We’re all on a journey of constant growth and evolution, and none of us will ever be perfect. As a result, we’re going to make mistakes or get so locked into certain ways of doing things that we don’t realize that there may be other, more effective approaches.
Being open to others’ input and feedback shows them that you don’t consider yourself to be “above” them. Instead, it shows that you appreciate and respect what they have to say, even if you end up disagreeing with it.
Alternatively, if you do end up taking on board and benefiting from their suggestions, acknowledge how they’ve helped you and make it known around your social circle. This way, they get the credit that’s due to them, and knowing that you helped them feel “seen” will earn you their admiration and respect (as well as those of their peers).
7. Acknowledging when you’ve erred and taking action to make amends.
It’s pretty much impossible to get through life without screwing something up, whether it’s a project, an assignment, or some aspects of our personal relationships. What’s important is how we behave when those mistakes inevitably occur.
For example, most of us have lost respect for people who refused to acknowledge their mistakes or tried to excuse them instead of owning them. In contrast, we’ve gained immense respect and admiration for people who have admitted their missteps, apologized sincerely, and have then taken action to make amends.
8. Behaving with dignity rather than ingratiation.
Most of us have known someone in our social circles who tried to ingratiate themselves with others and ended up having the completely opposite effect. Those who are too sycophantic and too eager to be included end up pushing away the very people they’re trying so hard to get closer to.
It’s understandable that you’d feel intimidated if you’re introduced to a famous person whom you admire, or if there’s someone in your group whom you’d really like to get to know better. But sucking up to them or behaving ridiculously to get their attention isn’t the way to do it. Behave with grace and dignity, and you’ll earn a lot more respect from everyone around you — including the ones you’d like to create a rapport with.
9. Show up.
Every day, I read stories about individuals who felt immense gratitude and overwhelming emotion when people in their lives made a point of getting to know them and showing up for them when least expected.
For example, I saw a school custodian wipe his eyes when the principal learned sign language to be able to communicate with him properly. Other heartwarming stories include celebrities who make costumed appearances in children’s oncology wards just to bring some joy to the little ones who are undergoing treatment.
Actions like these, in which you show up and make a real difference in a person’s life — not for personal gain, but because making others feel important means the world to them — will naturally make others admire and respect you, especially if you don’t document it for likes and shares.
Final thoughts…
One important thing to note about these behaviors is how important it is to let them speak for themselves. While many are quick to admire those who show integrity and do kind things for others, it’s just as easy to earn people’s contempt if you make a point of bringing attention to your good deeds.
Those who document their charitable works on social media or continually bring up their philanthropy in conversation are seen as performative jerks rather than sincerely good people. Be the type of person you’d admire most in the world, but do it humbly.
