As young children, we often had strong opinions and natural curiosity about everything. We weren’t afraid to endlessly question, “Why?” (much to our parents’ exasperation). But somewhere along the way, many of us lost that independent spark and started defaulting to what others think instead.
Thinking for ourselves is becoming an increasing problem in an age where social media algorithms shape and solidify our worldviews, information overload makes independent research feel overwhelming, and the path of least resistance is simply accepting whatever narrative is most conveniently presented to us.
So what are the signs that might suggest you’re not thinking for yourself as much as you could, and more importantly, how can you upskill yourself?
1. It’s not an issue until everyone else is talking about it.
With everything that’s going on in the world, it’s unsurprising that many of us find it easier to focus on entertainment rather than staying informed about current affairs. As such, you may find that you’re not up to date on big or recent issues and events unless your friends or peers start talking about something.
At that point, you might not dig any deeper to cultivate your own opinion on it, particularly if you don’t want to get bogged down in the doom and gloom of it all. Instead, you might simply wait for your friends, colleagues, and chosen TV to dictate how you should feel, and then echo what they’re saying about it.
2. You feel confused or frustrated when faced with conflicting ideas.
Many people struggle when two seemingly conflicting ideas both appear to be true. As humans, we like things to be clear-cut. But the reality is that most of life actually exists in the messy middle ground. As such, if you struggle to critically analyze things, you may find it hard to comprehend that two conflicting ideas can be true, and you might feel confused and angry when things aren’t clearly black and white. Rather than engaging to explore those shades of grey, you may change the subject or leave outright.
3. You get angry at people who challenge the viewpoint you’ve been holding to.
If you haven’t deeply explored the views you hold, it can be difficult to defend them in a thoughtful, articulate manner. After all, if you’ve been going along with what everyone else says without investigating further, you might not have the full picture. As such, when someone challenges you to explain your stance, you may find yourself becoming defensive or quick to dismiss them. This reaction often serves to shut down the conversation when you’re feeling uncertain about the topic at hand.
4. You prefer simple explanations over complex realities.
For many people, things are the way they are, they think what they think, and that’s the end of it. It’s often a case of that’s what you were taught, that’s what you’ve always thought or believed, and as such, you aren’t interested in any other perspectives on it. As a result, if you’ve never been encouraged to think for yourself, your response will be some variation of “nope” even when people try to give you an alternative view with very solid evidence. You may even feel like others are trying to confuse you with conflicting information, when really they’re just showing you the complexity of the issue.
5. You go with the majority because it feels safe and easy.
When everyone else is saying and doing the same thing, it’s natural to think they’re probably right. After all, if that many people are agreeing on it, then that can seem like enough proof that it’s the best idea or course of action. Popularity and consensus equal correctness for many people. The logic is often, “If some other way were better, well then the majority of people would begin doing that instead, wouldn’t they?” While this logic seems sound, it overlooks how groupthink can lead entire communities in the wrong direction.
6. Repeating what others say without fully understanding it.
When someone asks you to explain why you feel the way you do about something, you might struggle to answer. This often happens when you’ve grown accustomed to repeating whatever the people around you are saying without understanding why they’re saying it, or what’s going on behind their stance. It’s a common experience in this day and age because there’s just so much information to dig through, so it can be easier to let other people do our thinking for us instead.
7. Asking everyone for input and advice, and then going with whatever has the most popular vote.
When you need to make a decision about something, do you find yourself asking everyone you know for their input, then going with whatever option gets the most votes? Many people do this rather than conducting their own research and deciding what’s best for themselves. Whilst other people’s opinions can be valuable, this approach often means your own preferences and needs take a back seat to the advice of others, even when you were hoping for a different outcome.
8. Getting AI to do your thinking for you.
AI can be an incredibly useful tool for reducing cognitive load—whether it’s drafting routine emails, brainstorming ideas, or helping organize your thoughts. There’s nothing wrong with using technology to handle mundane tasks so you can save your mental energy for what really matters.
However, there’s a difference between using AI as a helpful assistant and outsourcing your thinking entirely. If you find yourself using AI without questioning what it outputs or responding to significant conversations without even reading or editing what it generates, you might be crossing into problematic territory.
Yes, having to process information from a wide range of sources is intimidating, but AI can and does confidently give biased accounts, and it will often seek to validate your opinion in order to keep you engaging.
How to start thinking for yourself
If you aren’t accustomed to thinking for yourself, figuring out where to start can be rather daunting. But critical thinking is a skill, and like all skills, it can be honed. Here are some tips to help you:
Know thyself.
The most important first step to being able to think for yourself is to know yourself. Understanding yourself is crucial because you can’t think independently if you don’t know what you actually value, what experiences have shaped your perspective, or what biases you might carry. Self-knowledge is the foundation of critical thinking. If you haven’t spent much time being introspective for a while, or thinking of anything too deeply, for that matter, you may not know how to go about doing this.
One of the best ways to go about this is through self-reflection – either by taking some time to simply think about your beliefs and behavior or by journaling. Start by asking yourself some foundational questions: What do I value most in life? What experiences have shaped how I see the world? What topics make me defensive, and why? When do I feel most authentic? What beliefs did I inherit from my family or community without questioning them? Then write down the answers without judgment.
You may feel uncomfortable at first when you realize that you don’t actually know what you think or feel about a particular subject. This might make you feel some guilt or shame, but don’t let it! This is your opportunity to get to know the real you.
Learn as much as you can.
If someone were to ask me what I think about deep-sea oil drilling policies, I would have no idea how to answer them. This is because I don’t know much about the topic, and I’d have to delve into it and educate myself on all the aspects involved before I could decide what I think and feel about it.
Use this approach for every topic you can think of — especially those you’ve defended vehemently in the past. For example, if you’ve gotten mad at other people for insulting something you feel that you hold dear, ask yourself why you feel so strongly in that direction. If you can’t explain it, that’s your cue to learn about it until you can.
As you do so, you may discover that the information you absorb shifts your stance in one direction or another. Once you’ve learned about a topic, you may double down on what you thought about it previously because this new information cements your beliefs. On the other hand, you may discover that you’ve been in the wrong this whole time; that everything you’ve been echoing has been biased and misguided. There’s no shame in changing your mind about how you feel and admitting that you were wrong.
Question everything.
Instead of accepting what others tell you at face value (either in person or online), make a habit of questioning what it is they’re telling you, and why. Ask yourself: What evidence supports this claim? Who benefits from this narrative? Are there other perspectives I haven’t considered? What assumptions am I making? How do I know this is actually true? Did I verify this information, or am I assuming it’s accurate because someone I trust said it? It’s important to remember that even well-meaning people can be mistaken or have incomplete information.
Granted, it’s much easier to simply go along with what others are saying as if it’s absolute truth, but just because the people close to you agree about something doesn’t necessarily mean it’s correct or complete. Furthermore, those on the other side of an issue may see things very differently, and their perspective might be equally valid.
Understand and explain your choices to yourself instead of seeking advice/validation from others.
Let’s say you need to make a decision about something fairly important. For the sake of this article, we’ll say that you’re planning to buy a new fridge.
Instead of immediately asking everyone you know what they think you should buy, do your own research to determine which ones best suit your needs. Once you’ve narrowed the choices down to two or three, write down comparisons to determine which one would be the best option for you.
What are the most important traits you’re looking for? Freezer space? Quiet? A really amazing ice machine? Choose the one that has the most traits you’re searching for, and is within the budget you’ve set aside for it.
Then, if others ask you why you chose it, you’ll be able to explain exactly why that was the best option. You won’t need validation or reassurance because your choice was entirely self-directed.
Ask yourself what you prefer, instead of going with the crowd.
If you’re new to thinking for yourself, you may have trundled along with what everyone else has been wearing, eating, drinking, smelling like, etc., because well, conformity is rewarded. Famous influencers promote various items for their own benefit, and the vast majority of people will immediately follow their lead because they want to experience the same luxury and popularity as those they hold in high regard.
This is the point at which you ask yourself how you feel and what you think about the things you’ve been doing on a daily basis.
Do you actually like oat milk and matcha lattes, or would you prefer something else? Are those trendy shoes comfortable, or are you wearing them because your favorite musician or athlete promotes them?
Be very critical about your own choices in order to determine whether they’re your own or someone else’s. Once you start living more honestly and authentically, you’ll realize that you’re thinking for yourself on a near-constant basis. When someone asks you how you feel or what you think, you’ll pause and determine the truth instead of immediately echoing those around you, and this is a very good thing indeed.
