Everyone loves a gentleman. They are wonderful to be around as relationship partners, friends, and colleagues. If parents want to help guide their sons to be perfect gentlemen, they should be sure to encourage the behaviors listed below.
1. Self-sufficiency.
One of the most attractive and empowering traits a person can have is self-sufficiency. This goes for external abilities (like home repair, growing food, etc.) and internal abilities like emotional regulation and self-analysis. The more a man can rely on himself for his needs, the less he will need to impose upon others. That doesn’t mean he should struggle in silence and never need support. But rather, being in tune with his emotions will allow him to discern when he can tackle a problem and when he needs a helping hand.
2. Being confident with confrontation, without seeking it intentionally.
Or, in other words: “Don’t start fights, but don’t be afraid to finish them if you need to.”
A gentleman will rarely seek out confrontation, and he won’t be belligerent, but if someone tries to start things with him, treats him unfairly, or threatens someone he loves, he’ll switch gears and stand up to them as needed.
3. Protectiveness towards the vulnerable.
Perfect gentlemen are by default respectfully protective towards children, animals, women, the elderly, and people with additional needs — those who, for whatever reason, are at greater risk of harm or abuse, rather than those who are fully capable of protecting themselves but choose victimhood and weakness. This also includes respect and care towards the natural world instead of intentionally spoiling it.
4. Multi-spectrum capability.
Being capable across many pursuits is a trait that Renaissance-style gentlemen always embody, according to etiquette coach, John-Paul Stuthridge. They should be able to mend their clothes and cook tasty meals as easily as they can build a bookshelf, speak at least one other language, create a garden, or balance the household finances. To quote Heinlein, “Specialization is for insects.”
5. Personal health and hygiene.
You’ve likely noticed that those who are considered gentlemen tend to be in great shape and well-groomed. According to Gentleman’s Journal, a gentleman’s motto should be “Dress like it’s your last day on earth” – no matter the occasion. They don’t have to be the height of fashion, but they eat well, exercise regularly, and take care of their bodies. Essentially, they work with what they have to the best of their abilities.
6. Understanding different cultures.
A gentleman can move in many different circles and cultural scenarios effortlessly. In order to do so, he must make the effort to understand different languages, social habits and customs, etc. Ideally, he would travel extensively and learn about these cultures firsthand, but the next best option is to choose a few and immerse in them thoroughly. He is a cultured person, and it shows.
7. Well-rounded education.
A good education and intelligence are not what most people think they are. Those who are considered perfect gentlemen don’t need university educations but should seek to educate themselves thoroughly in their chosen field. For example, a chef should aim to seek out cooking techniques and ingredients from around the world to expand his repertoire, while a musician may also learn to make his own instruments.
8. Etiquette.
According to social etiquette experts, a modern gentleman stays abreast of shifting norms, but proper table manners and personal decorum never go out of style. You’ll never see a perfect gentleman chewing with his mouth open or wiping his nose with the tablecloth, and he is always polite and respectful when he speaks. He has educated himself about different types of etiquette from various cultures and adheres to them accordingly.
9. Temperance and grace under duress.
Gentlemen don’t lose their heads — someone could be screaming at them, and they’ll maintain their dignity and composure. They remain in control of their emotions to the best of their abilities and will let off steam in the privacy of their own home or at the gym when they choose to do so.
10. Gauging where one’s own and others’ boundaries in all things lie.
Gentlemen check in with those around them to ensure that everyone’s boundaries are being respected, whether this is during intimacy with a partner or going rock climbing with a friend. They’ll always ensure that everyone is comfortable with what’s going on, with reassurance that it’s absolutely okay to stop and go back if need be.
11. Not being submissive.
A gentleman will always find a way to defuse or deny others’ base desires, but he does it gracefully and through wit rather than with outright force. In other words, he’s not going to acquiesce meekly to someone else’s demands, but he won’t get aggro about it either: he’ll find a way to redirect the situation instead.
