Self-respect isn’t something we’re born with. It’s influenced by our upbringing, life experiences, and often the challenges we face. Whilst a lot of these influences are external, it can also be cultivated through intentional choices that we make that affirm our inherent worth.
When we honor ourselves through consistent habits, we build an unshakeable foundation for a fulfilling life. These fourteen habits aren’t just nice-to-haves; they’re essential practices that help us stand tall in our authentic truth and live with genuine dignity, regardless of what’s happening in our external world.
1. Honoring commitments to yourself and others.
A person’s word, and whether they stay true to it, reflects their character more than almost anything else. When we consistently follow through on what we promise others, we build trust and reputation that, in turn, fuels our positive self-belief.
But it’s important to remember that keeping promises to ourselves carries equal weight in developing self-respect. In my experience, most people find it easier to keep commitments to others while breaking them to themselves without a second thought.
The foundation of self-respect involves treating your promises to yourself with the same reverence you give promises to others. No more canceling your precious self-care time because your boss wants you to log on out of hours – your commitments to your wellbeing deserve protection.
When you follow through consistently, you send a powerful message to your subconscious: I matter. I deserve respect, starting with my own.
2. Developing emotional intelligence and self-awareness.
The relationship with your emotions forms the basis of all other relationships. Self-respecting individuals develop awareness of their feelings without being controlled by them. After all, it’s hard to respect yourself if you’re constantly losing control, having angry or otherwise emotional outbursts.
In practice, emotional intelligence involves recognizing emotions as they arise, understanding their messages, and responding thoughtfully rather than reacting impulsively. This is no mean feat, which I know from my own difficulty with emotional dysregulation, but once you develop this habit, it creates choice where previously you might have felt driven by emotional storms.
Many people find daily reflection helps develop this muscle, perhaps journaling about emotional patterns or simply checking in throughout the day. What am I feeling right now? What triggered this? What does this emotion need? For those who struggle to feel or read their emotions until they get too big, Dr Kelly Mahler, an Occupational Therapist and expert in the field, advises working on regular interoception practice to become more familiar with bodily sensations that may indicate your emotions are going awry.
With consistent practice, self-awareness and emotional literacy become second nature. You’ll notice subtle shifts in your state and address needs earlier, preventing the buildup that leads to regrettable words or actions.
3. Setting and maintaining healthy boundaries.
Being able to establish clear boundaries is one of the most fundamental habits of self-respect that we can develop. Without firm boundaries, we risk becoming emotional sponges for other people’s problems while neglecting our own needs.
In many relationships, boundary-setting feels uncomfortable. We worry about appearing selfish or hurting someone’s feelings. But boundaries aren’t walls that separate us from our loved ones – they’re guidelines that protect our energy and communicate our needs.
Some people find it helpful to practice boundary statements beforehand: “I care about you, but I can’t take on this problem right now.” Or simply, “No, that doesn’t work for me” – without elaborate explanation. Learning to say no without guilt represents a profound act of self-respect.
As the saying goes, “You teach others how to teach you”. Setting boundaries teaches others how to treat you while confirming to yourself that your needs matter. This habit alone can transform every relationship in your life.
4. Regularly step outside your comfort zone.
A life of self-respect requires continuous growth, and as we’ve quoted before, “a comfort zone is a beautiful place, but nothing ever grows there.” Challenging yourself regularly builds up your confidence and expands what you believe is possible.
The comfort zone feels safe, because it is, but ultimately it leads to stagnation. Each time you push beyond familiar territory – whether speaking up in meetings, trying a new skill, or facing a fear – you prove your resilience to yourself.
If this habit is particularly difficult for you, start small to build up your confidence. I’ll give you a personal example. One of my children has selective mutism, a severe anxiety disorder that makes it physically impossible to speak in certain situations. This anxiety also spills over and makes my child fearful of engaging in social situations more broadly, despite desperately wanting to. A therapist recommended that my child use the following strategy to gradually expand out of their comfort zone using the idea of “optimal anxiety.“
She advises clients to label their fear about doing something on a scale of 1-5. A score of 1 or 2 means manageable anxiety (so it’s not actually pushing against the comfort zone), and anything over 3 will raise your nervous system’s threat level so high that it’ll be counterproductive to push through. Three is the sweet spot. If you push past your comfort here, amazing things have the potential to happen. Your 3 will be different from someone else’s, so it’s up to you to decide. After all, the idea is growth, not trauma.
But by gently pushing through irrational and limiting fears, you develop trust in your ability to handle uncertainty. This creates a positive cycle: more courage leads to more growth, which generates deeper self-respect.
5. Taking responsibility for your mistakes without self-flagellation.
We all mess up. That’s life. But the self-respecting response to this isn’t berating ourselves for not attaining perfectionism, it’s taking ownership without harsh self-judgment.
Many people confuse accountability with beating themselves up. They get stuck in a self-blame cycle that limits their growth. True responsibility, however, means acknowledging your errors, making amends where possible, learning the lesson, and then moving forward with self-compassion. It’s saying (and believing) “I made a mistake” rather than “I am a mistake.” So many good things happen when you can learn to do this.
The habit of owning the outcomes of your actions – both successes and failures – places you in the driver’s seat of your life. There is no blaming, no victim mentality. Just honest assessment and growth.
6. Practicing daily gratitude reflection.
It’s a simple, science-backed fact that what you focus on directs your experience, and gratitude focuses it on abundance rather than lack. This simple habit reshapes neural pathways toward positivity and contentment.
The practice need not be elaborate – even three minutes noting what you appreciate can create mental shifts. Some prefer writing in journals while others simply reflect mentally before sleep.
With consistent practice, gratitude becomes less about specific exercises and more of a lens through which you view your life. You’ll notice small pleasures throughout your day – the taste of coffee, a kind gesture, the feeling of sunshine, that smile on your kid’s face.
You might be wondering what makes gratitude a self-respecting habit. Well, it acknowledges your good fortune rather than taking it for granted. It recognizes that despite the difficulties you experience, your life contains value and goodness worth honoring.
7. Prioritizing adequate self-care and rest.
In our output-obsessed culture, rest often feels indulgent. Yet adequate self-care forms the foundation of sustainable energy and resilience.
The habit of prioritizing sleep, downtime, and replenishment acknowledges a fundamental truth: your worth isn’t tied to your productivity. You are worthy simply because you exist.
When scheduling their week, self-respecting individuals block time for restoration first, not last. This might mean setting sleep boundaries, scheduling actual breaks during workdays, or protecting weekends for rejuvenation.
Your body sends signals constantly – fatigue, tension, hunger. Listening to these cues rather than overriding them shows deep self-respect. In my own journey with a chronic health condition, I’ve noticed that since focusing more on this habit, I’ve seen improvements across all life areas, and my energy has become available for what truly matters.
8. Speaking with intention and integrity.
Your words create your reality, both internally through self-talk and externally through your communication with others. People who respect themselves ensure that their speech aligns with their deeper values.
This habit involves speaking truthfully yet compassionately, avoiding gossip, keeping confidences, and being mindful of how your words impact others. It means saying what you mean and meaning what you say.
For many, developing this habit requires slowing down before speaking. Is this true? Is it necessary? Is it kind? Does it align with who I want to be? If the answer is “No”, then in most cases the best thing to do is to stay quiet. When your speech (or lack of) consistently reflects your integrity, you build trust with others while reinforcing your own sense of congruence. You walk away with both your reputation and self-respect intact.
Few habits build self-respect more powerfully than knowing your words have weight and treating them accordingly.
9. Making time for meaningful relationships (and saying no to those that drain us).
Relationships can either build us up or wear us down. Yet many people struggle to tell the difference, or they keep draining people and toxic relationships in their lives out of obligation or fear. Self-respecting individuals, however, nurture connections that support their growth while releasing those that consistently undermine their well-being.
Developing this habit involves regularly investing time in people who inspire, support, and challenge you positively, while setting boundaries with unhealthy influences.
If you want to be more self-respecting, it’s time to do a relationship audit. Ask yourself: Does this connection leave me energized or drained? Can I be authentic with this person? Is there mutual respect and reciprocity?
By consciously choosing your social circle, you honor your limited time and emotional energy. I think most people would agree that relationship quality often predicts overall life satisfaction better than almost any other factor, so it’s something we all need to invest in more wisely.
10. Practicing mindful consumption.
What we consume, be that food, media, or products, becomes part of us. Self-respecting consumption means making conscious choices about what we allow into our bodies, minds, and spaces.
With food, this means eating primarily for nourishment and pleasure, not emotional numbing. With media, it means noticing how different inputs affect your mood and thoughts. With purchases, it means considering actual needs versus momentary wants.
It’s all about awareness, not perfection. Before consuming, pause briefly: Will this serve my wellbeing? Does this fit with my values?
This approach aligns with what psychologist Kelly McGonigal calls “the willpower instinct” in her book of the same name. That simple awareness of our choices – that brief pause before consuming – activates the prefrontal cortex, the brain region associated with self-regulation and wise decision-making. McGonigal’s research shows that this momentary consciousness dramatically improves our ability to make choices aligned with deeper values.
By becoming more intentional about consumption habits, you reclaim power from marketing messages, social pressures, and even your own impulses. This mindfulness naturally leads toward choices that honor your authentic needs.
11. Developing a personal value system and living by it.
At the core of self-respect lies knowing what you stand for and aligning your actions accordingly. This final habit integrates all others through consciously determining your values and morals.
The process begins with reflection: What principles matter most to me? What kind of person do I want to be? What would I stand for even when it’s difficult?
Your values become filters through which you make all of your decisions, simplifying choices in even the most complex situations. When faced with dilemmas, you can ask: Which option best honors my core values?
A clear value system provides both flexibility and stability; it’s adaptable to circumstances yet anchored in deeper, unshakeable principles. This internal compass, more than any external validation, can guide us through life’s many inevitable challenges, and at the end of the day, we can look back, knowing we lived by our truth. It doesn’t get much more self-respecting than that.
Final thoughts…
As with most things in life, the journey toward self-respect isn’t a destination but an ongoing practice. If you want to improve yours, start where you are, perhaps choosing just one or two habits that resonate most strongly. Small, consistent steps are what create lasting change. With patience and persistence, these behaviors will transform from conscious effort to natural expressions of who you are – a person worthy of profound respect, beginning with your own.
