If you ask the average person whether they live authentically or not, the majority of them will say “no”. Well, at least not in public. They wear masks when they’re out and about, and only take them off when they’re safe at home, where they won’t be perceived or judged by anyone else.
So what would happen if they were as authentic out in the wild as they were at home? There would certainly be some changes in their lives, and some inevitable raised eyebrows, but also an astonishing amount of improvement across the board. Here are just 9 areas of life that often improve once we embrace our true selves.
1. Your confidence in yourself.
People whose life decisions revolve around conformity rather than authenticity rarely feel comfortable in their own skin. They move awkwardly, sit uncomfortably in clothes that don’t fit (or don’t suit their preferences), and everything from their posture to their facial expressions seems forced. It’s difficult to feel confident in yourself when everything about you is a carefully cultivated facade.
In contrast, when you embrace authenticity and make decisions based on things that are true and real for you, you often exude self-confidence from every pore. Those clothes you’ve chosen make you feel strong and good-looking. That haircut (and/or color) exudes self-assurance. Everything about your physical form expresses who you truly are, without any need for pretense.
2. Your romantic relationships.
When you’re living authentically, you’ll naturally attract the people who are interested in you for who you are, not who you pretend to be. This is of the utmost importance, as you’ll be able to forge real connections with potential soulmates instead of keeping up pretenses indefinitely.
You may think that nobody would be interested in your weird, nerdy, authentic self, but let me tell you: by fully embracing my geekish, Warhammer 40k-loving, Tolkien-quoting, woodland-frolicking self, I ended up with a feral forest goblin wife who paints miniatures with me and writes me ridiculous love notes in Sindarin. Let your freak flag fly, and you’ll be amazed at what it draws to you.
3. Your career or vocation.
When you “step into your power” and embrace your authenticity, you’ll discover that after a period of adjustment, others will not only respect you but will be more inclined to listen to what you have to say. The idea you may have had for ages about streamlining something at work will suddenly be put into action, and the advice you’ve been giving your friend is far more likely to be acted upon.
This is because you’re radiating self-confidence from a place of absolute certainty within yourself, rather than through filters of carefully cultivated contrivance. A person who has the strength of will and character to dress like a well-tailored 1930s gangster while surrounded by colleagues in T-shirts can only command respect from those around them.
4. The quality of your friendships, including with your family members.
Most of us remember times in our childhoods when we knew our parents were lying or pretending about something, and we were expected to play along for appearances’ sake. Those little moments of fakery made us realize that our parents weren’t always honest — with us, or anyone else. And this type of inauthentic behavior breeds mistrust in others, as they never know which face a person is showing them, and what honesty lies behind their plastered-on smile.
In contrast, when you’re authentic with others (including your own children), they’ll have far more trust and faith in you. You’re honest with them about when you’re upset or hurting, you apologize when you do wrong, and you share your delight when it’s sincere. By extension, these people will see you as a reliable, true pillar in their lives instead of unsteady ground to navigate. Even those you don’t necessarily get along with very well will grudgingly respect you for being honest and genuine, even when it’s difficult.
5. The pursuits and pastimes that you sincerely enjoy.
Far too many people set aside the hobbies that inspire and thrill them the most because others have put them down or mocked them for their joy. This is especially common if those hobbies are on the unusual side or go beyond watching sports or baking. You might spend years halfheartedly working on a birdhouse or cooking things you don’t actually want to eat in order to gain others’ approval, rather than following your own bliss.
Instead of wasting time and being miserable while doing what you think others want you to do, prioritize doing what you truly enjoy instead. Before you know it, you’ll experience massive mental and physical benefits, as life literally feels like it opens up and encourages you to breathe it in. Learn how to play the bagpipes or the hurdy-gurdy. Carve avocado pits. Transform dollhouses into haunted mansions. Whatever it is you’ve been aching to do for fun, start doing it immediately.
6. You’ll make better use of time.
When you embrace authenticity, you use up a lot of time carefully maintaining the pretenses you’ve established. Think of it like putting on a costume and makeup for a show every day, and then taking it all off again at day’s end. Plus all the time spent in between, remembering which face you’ve shown to whom, and setting money aside to keep maintaining appearances.
In an authentic life, all the time you previously spent pretending is suddenly freed up to be filled with genuine pursuits and behaviors instead. To paraphrase Kipling, you fill those unforgiving minutes with 60 seconds’ worth of distance run. That is, you make the absolute most of every moment, filling your time with purposeful action rather than empty pretense.
7. Your overall health.
Sadness, frustration, and other repressed emotions tend to manifest physically if they aren’t addressed. As such, when we’re unhappy with the lives we’re pretending to lead, those challenging emotions will affect our health directly. You might have been dealing with digestive issues, anxiety, unexplained weight changes, skin problems, and so on, all of which were caused in no small part by the unhappiness of your lifestyle.
As soon as you release all the things that have been weighing you down and holding you back, you’ll feel much better across the board. When you don’t feel the pressure of having to pretend anymore, your muscles unclench, you don’t crave the same foods, and you have a lot more energy. This is why so many people experience a “glow-up” after they leave a toxic relationship or job: they end up being so much healthier once they do.
8. Your self-destructive or harmful habits.
Toxicity comes in many forms, from the awful, unwanted energy of people you despise to ingredients you either ingest or put on your body. When you embrace authenticity and discard self-destructive or otherwise harmful pursuits, you’re literally detoxing across the board.
For example, let’s say you’ve been associating with a social group you really dislike for the sake of social status or furthering the career you don’t want. Now that you’ve chosen a more authentic path (which hopefully includes a career change), you can ditch those jerks and spend time with people you sincerely like and respect instead. If that includes throwing away the personal care products that were giving you rashes, and giving up the foods or drinks that had been harming you (but were loved by that previous social circle), even better.
9. Your ability to feel joy.
Free from the fetters of other people’s preferences and inclinations, you can follow your bliss in the ways that serve you best. You may be stretched out in a sunbeam on your balcony, listening to Inuit Klezmer music, eating foods that your nearest and dearest would banish you for, and discover that you’re experiencing a level of bliss that you’ve never imagined before.
Far too many people find themselves on their deathbeds, regretting both the things they never allowed themselves to do and how much time they wasted doing things they never enjoyed. Marie Kondo your life and discard whatever doesn’t bring you joy or fulfillment, whether it’s a material possession, a habit, or that bottle of heinous raspberry vinaigrette salad dressing that’s been languishing in your fridge for the past seven years.
Final thoughts…
Most of us waste so much time doing the things we feel we *should* be doing instead of living authentically, and end up looking back and wishing we’d had the courage to embrace our authenticity so much earlier.
While age often grants many the strength and fortitude to discard others’ opinions and preferences as to how we live our lives, others keep on being yoked by expectation and judgment. If you don’t start to live authentically now and place emphasis on enjoying every sacred moment you have left, when will you ever be able to do so?
