I’m not here to judge. In fact, I’d say I am guilty of experiencing a few of these behaviors. I think as humans, we do feel entitlement creep in when we feel inconvenienced in some way. We get stuck in the cycle of doing, and we forget to apply the brakes and remember what life is really all about.
We forget that we are owed nothing, and we forget about all the things there are to be grateful for. Before we realize it, entitlement has become a part of our personality. That’s why I wanted to write about these 7 behaviors. They hint that entitlement has found its way into your personality, without you even noticing.
1. You’ve become very irritated by minor inconveniences that didn’t used to bother you.
Instead of viewing the heavy traffic as a potential heartache for a family, you’ve started to beep your horn and yell all the cuss words. Rather than getting to the supermarket and picking another choice of bread, you now wail and moan that they don’t have the exact one you want.
What’s that about? Where did it start to change from having perspective to acting as if the world now owes you? These are small behaviors, I grant you, but they hint at the possibility that entitlement has become present in your life, where it once wasn’t.
I see it sometimes at the urgent care unit when I’ve had to go there. You go, sign in, and there’s a wait depending on how many other people signed in before you. People throw their hands up, “A forty-minute wait? Are you joking?” No joke, my friend. If you’re not entitled, you’ll wait in line like everybody else and be thankful that care is available at the end of it. Nobody needs a Dave the Drama Queen making things worse for everyone.
2. You’ve begun to view your time as more valuable than other people’s.
We are one and the same, and time belongs to us all. Your time is no more precious than mine, and mine no more precious than yours. It’s hard telling that to somebody who impatiently taps their foot, checks their watch, and sighs every two minutes because theirs is seemingly being wasted by another person’s. You see this often in checkout queues, where someone gets irate at the person counting out their small change.
I had a science teacher at school who’d say to the cheeky kids at the back of the class (not me, promise), “My time is valuable!”
He was right. His time was valuable. But all our time is valuable. His time was no more valuable than the kids’ (plus he was being paid to be there regardless), and their time was no more precious than his.
When you start assuming you have more right to time than anyone else, that’s a sure sign that entitlement has crept in.
3. You’re no longer showing appreciation for small acts of kindness.
Who else is hearing the voice of a parent in your mind right now? I’ll go…
“What do you say?”
It would always be my prompt… “Please!” “Thank you!”
I’m grateful for those reminders as a child, because without them, I may not be so consistent with my manners now.
Now, who is thinking about all those times you hold a door open for someone, only to have them ignore you? Who wants to admit to sarcastically muttering, “You’re welcome,” as they pass you obliviously, or am I just letting my inner Sarcastic Sally out?
In all seriousness, leaving your manners at home can sometimes just be absent-mindedness. It can also be because of cultural differences in showing appreciation or because you don’t see the logic behind certain social conventions, rather than a lack of gratitude. But when it’s a shift from what you used to be like, it can also mean that you’ve started to take little acts of kindness for granted. You no longer see them as deserving of appreciation, because a sense of entitlement has crept in.
4. You’ve begun to view yourself as above feedback.
“Wait, is someone actually offering me feedback? Like I need that!”
If you’ve gotten used to getting compliments and praise and you generally excel at things, a sense of being above improvement can creep in.
Tossing the feedback aside, you get on with your day, your way. Who is someone else to tell you that you aren’t perfect? It might seem like a small dismissal, but it often reveals a deeper issue, especially if executed frequently enough.
One of the hallmarks of arrogance is the failure to consider the perspective of others, and another is the belief or assumption of superiority. When you mix those together, you get a person who would happily reject feedback on the assumption that it isn’t wanted or needed.
I’d say that was a strong sense of entitlement creeping in, wouldn’t you?
It’s worth noting that sometimes struggling with feedback can come from a place other than entitlement. For example, I struggled with it for a long time because I grew up being criticized for my own hobbies, the clothes I wore, the music I listened to, literally anything. I had to differentiate constructive feedback from that voice I heard thousands of times pulling my character apart. It was tough, but I overcame it.
But sometimes, those who struggle with feedback exude entitlement because they refuse to believe they’re not perfect or free from evaluation.
5. You cut in conversations frequently, and no longer care.
Now, before we go any further with this one, it’s important to point out that frequent interrupting often doesn’t come from a place of entitlement at all. For many people, particularly those with ADHD, interrupting is an almost involuntary response.
Thoughts arrive fast and loud, and there’s a very real fear that if they don’t get the words out immediately, they’ll lose them entirely.
For those with anxiety, it can be about rushing to contribute before nerves get the better of them. For autistic individuals, it can be difficult to read the pauses in the conversation. It’s also worth noting that in some cultures, overlapping conversation is completely natural and carries no disrespect whatsoever.
So where does entitlement come in? It creeps in when someone is aware that they tend to interrupt, and rather than taking into consideration the other person’s conversational needs and trying to strike a balance between their natural communication style and the other person’s, they simply view their needs as more important.
They begin to adopt the attitude of, “This is me, deal with it.” They allow their challenges to become an excuse, not an explanation.
So it’s not the interrupting itself that demonstrates entitlement, but it’s the indifference to the impact it has on others.
6. You put in minimal effort but expect maximum reward.
It’s an interesting mindset, isn’t it? As a parent, I’m often on the receiving end of this (kids do love to try!).
“If I tidy my room, will you buy me a new wrestler figure?”
By tidy, he means he will pick up all his clothes, throw them in the wardrobe, pull his sheets on his bed up, pop the asthma inhaler that’s for some reason taken center stage on the carpet as if it were in a museum, and hold his hand out waiting for the cash. Guaranteed three minutes of labor for a $10 reward.
Nice try, buddy.
If I wanted to raise an entitled child, I’d say yes, and probably make him do less for it. As adults, we need to be aware when we’re only doing something (and not doing it particularly well, at that) for the reward at the end, instead of doing it, and doing it properly, because it needs to be done, or to help someone.
If left unchecked, this belief that minimal effort deserves maximum reward can grow and grow into even more of an entitlement that you really don’t want your name attached to.
7. You’ve started to take more than you give.
When you tip those scales, oh boy, it makes for a very toxic, not to mention draining, dynamic. You take from people. Their time, energy, money, love, support. But when they need it, where are you? Rolling your eyes and sighing, as if you were faced with the world’s biggest inconvenience.
This kind of entitlement is exhausting, and it turns care and support into an automatic expectancy rather than a balanced life where give and take is the norm.
It often doesn’t begin intentionally. Perhaps you found yourself in a relationship (romantic, platonic, or otherwise) with someone who naturally gives more than they take. So you leaned on them a little more. And because they allowed it, that becomes the new normal. Before long, you’re taking without even thinking about it, because you’ve never really had to think about it, and you’re carrying it over to other relationships.
But eventually, the people you’re taking from will start to feel undervalued, almost like they’re being used. I don’t really think I’d want to be on either end of that, because neither is a nice place to have to get out of.
It’s easy, though, to have a trait like this creep up on you. I wonder if you can relate.
Final thoughts…
We should all be doing better at noticing when parts of our personality change for the worse. We’re so keen to see improvements in our growth that we sometimes forget to pay attention to where we’re slipping up.
Entitlement can be sneaky. It can also act as a sign that you’ve left your ego unchecked for too long, and you need to make some fierce evaluations of yourself.
Small behaviors can be overlooked, but when they start to cause more harm than good, that’s when it’s time to admit you’re a little more entitled than you used to be.
If you know the problem, you can find the solution.
