The environments we frequent shape the way we perceive and interact with the world. People need safety and security to thrive, and that’s hard to achieve when you’ve spent years in an unpredictable environment. As such, they often develop certain behaviors to help them survive that environment, but the problem is, those same behaviors can be so destructive once you are finally in a safer, more predictable place.
For many people, unhealthy automatic habits are trauma-driven behavior that can persist for a long time. If you find that you identify with these behaviors or find that some of these behaviors disrupt your ability to live your life, it’s worth talking to a professional about it. They are common responses to years spent living in an unpredictable environment.
1. Overthinking every decision, important or not.
Overthinking is a common symptom of anxiety and trauma. A person who comes from an unpredictable environment doesn’t know what the next day will bring. Therefore, they spend a lot of time and energy considering all the possible ways things could go wrong to account for anything that might go wrong. That way, they’re able to feel like they have control.
It’s not just limited to before something goes wrong, either. Overthinkers may find themselves constantly replaying difficult conversations in their head or constantly dissecting past situations. They may appear to be indecisive, but they’re not. They’re just too aware of what can go wrong.
2. Struggling to trust peace and quiet.
Many people stay in bad situations that are not right for them because the chaos and uncertainty are familiar. Better the devil you know than the one that you don’t. It’s not a healthy situation, though. It’s not good for them mentally or emotionally, but they still may stay in it because they’re used to it. That allows them to feel in control while not actually being in control.
As psychologist and trauma expert, Dr. Gretchen L. Smelzer writes, a transition into a healthier, peaceful environment can feel scary and overwhelming. It may evoke a feeling of dread of what’s going to come next, rather than being a sanctuary from the chaos.
I had this problem when I started to recover from bipolar disorder. I spent almost two decades undiagnosed, a time that was riddled with broken relationships, lost opportunities, and so much chaos. Of course, I was the epicenter of that storm, and I constantly dragged myself in and out of unpredictable environments.
By the time I was diagnosed and started calming down more, the peace and calm were unnerving. What do you do when you’re not worried about your life exploding every few months? How do you handle the quiet and calm? The chaos was easy. That was old news. I had plenty of experience with that.
I had to go through therapy and learn some mindfulness practices to learn to sit in the peace and quiet. Meditation helped me focus and sit in peace.
3. Taking responsibility for other people’s emotions.
In an unpredictable environment, like an abusive relationship, one person’s bad mood can cause catastrophe for everyone else. The person becomes conditioned to caretaking the people around them out of habit, quickly jumping to try to keep the peace and keep the chaos down. This behavior then continues, even if the individual is no longer in that relationship or unpredictable environment.
Of course, this kind of behavior is so damaging because you simply can’t be responsible for the emotions of anyone else. Life is challenging and stressful enough as it is. No one should need to feel obligated to take care of someone else’s emotions.
4. Always having at least one backup plan, just in case.
Is it normal to consider a backup plan? Absolutely. In fact, it’s always a good idea to consider what you’re going to do if a plan doesn’t work out. However, people who have developed this habit from living in an unpredictable environment often have backup plans for events that don’t necessarily make sense.
Not only that, but they have an extremely difficult time just “going with the flow”. That is, they struggle to trust that they are more than capable of addressing a situation that comes up later.
5. Overreacting to sudden changes.
A person who makes their way out of an unpredictable environment and self-soothes by trying to keep their life predictable will respond badly to sudden changes. Unexpected or changed plans, lack of follow-through from someone they trusted, or unexpected changes in their life may cause severe emotional reactions.
Anger is a common response that people don’t necessarily associate with anxiety, but it is a common one. Anxiety wears down one’s emotional resilience, and as such, small changes can cause big explosions of anger.
6. Keeping your vulnerabilities hidden away.
Unpredictable environments often punish those who show vulnerability. That’s because many people who are in unpredictable environments are stuck in survival mode, just trying to get by, by any means possible. So when they sense vulnerability in others in these situations, they act to capitalize on it. They are driven to try to create a safe, peaceful space for themselves, even when it may come at the expense of others.
That may mean going after someone else’s resources or trying to push someone back into compliance who isn’t doing what they want. As such, the survivors of these environments learn to hide their own vulnerabilities away so they can’t be exploited, but ultimately disrupt their own peace in doing so.
7. Feeling more comfortable in “controlled chaos.”
Peace may not be preferable to their nervous system, but they know enough to realize that they don’t want to be locked into a chaotic environment. Instead of either extreme, they may opt for controlled chaos in their everyday life. That may look like overfilling their schedule with activities, working multiple jobs, or doing long hours at the office, or pursuing intense relationships or social roles.
The chaos is more comfortable, and it becomes a security blanket because it’s an environment that they know. Unfortunately, it has the unintended consequence of fueling greater anxiety and instability. The nervous system just isn’t wired to dwell in a state of constant threat.
8. Having difficulty identifying your own needs.
An unpredictable environment is often caused by the actions of the people in it. A survivor of this kind of environment may have a hard time identifying their own needs because they were so focused on predicting and caretaking the people around them. They don’t think about what they need, because those other people never cared to ask.
Similarly, they may have been stuck in fight or flight mode for so long that their decisions are driven by those feelings. They’ve never taken the time to sit down to figure out what they’re feeling or what they need because they were driven to fulfill only the needs that would get them through their chaos.
9. Constantly scanning for problems to try to get ahead of them.
Hypervigilance is when a person is constantly looking for problems so they can prevent them from happening. They often view this as a positive quality, but it can cause severe problems in a healthy environment, particularly if they aren’t comfortable with calm. They’ll look for problems and find them where they don’t actually exist, because they don’t trust the peace and quiet.
That causes significant problems in healthy relationships because healthy relationships are often quiet, peaceful, and calm. At least, they should be. The result is self-sabotage and sabotaging relationships, as the survivor puts together pieces of a puzzle that doesn’t necessarily exist.
Final thoughts…
Anyone familiar with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), complex PTSD (C-PTSD), or anxiety can probably see the commonalities. These kinds of behaviors are generally symptoms of suffering a greater trauma. That could be anything from surviving an abusive relationship to trying to survive a warzone to escaping poverty. These kinds of situations stick your brain into overdrive because it wants you to survive.
These survival instincts would be temporary in a normal situation. They would amp up when they’re needed, and then recede again once the threat has passed. But if the threat doesn’t pass quickly, then you may not de-escalate until much later. It can stick with you all of your life if it’s left unaddressed, and that often requires professional support.
