“No One Wants To Date Me” – 11 Ways To Improve Your Chances

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Are you single? Do you feel like you never have any luck with dating?

Perhaps it seems to you that you’re the only person in the world who hasn’t found love yet.

We all have those moments when we wonder if we’ll ever find someone who’s right for us, especially when everyone around you seems to find dating and relationships so easy.

Frustratingly, there isn’t always a quick fix to finding your perfect match, or even getting to a second date. Sometimes it’s as simple as not being in the right place at the right time.

But don’t lose hope! Just because you haven’t managed a second date or perhaps even a first, doesn’t mean it won’t happen. It’s better to wait for the right person than to settle for the wrong one.

There might not be a magic spell that will make you a dating expert overnight, but there are a few things you could work on to help your chances on the dating scene.

Keep reading to see if you’re making any of these common mistakes and find some helpful suggestions that could take you from lonely to loved up in no time.

1. You’re looking for love in the wrong places.

Love stories can happen in the most unlikely of places. There will always be someone you know who found their Tinder happily ever after or went on to marry their one night stand.

But these are the exceptions to the rule, and if you’re looking for a relationship in a club or on a casual dating app, then you have to be realistic about your chances of finding one.

If you’re looking for love on a night out, are the people you meet at 3am after one too many drinks really boyfriend or girlfriend material?

Think about the apps you’ve tried to meet people through; do they include in-depth bios so you can get to know a little about what a person is like, or do you just swipe for the hottest profile pictures?

You have to be realistic about the type of person you’re going to meet in the places you’re looking for love. If you feel as though you keep meeting the same type of person and it never goes anywhere, it’s time you widened your search.

What to do about it:

Meeting someone on a night out might seem like the easiest option, but it’s not always the most successful.

If you want more than a hookup, start by looking in places where you have common ground with the people there.

You could join a sports club or theatre group, even a choir; any group with other people who have at least one similar interest to you.

If you meet someone there, you know you already have a common interest, and you might share more. You have a ready-made conversation starter and can get to know each at a leisurely pace, building a more solid foundation for a potential relationship than anything you’d find at 3am on the dance floor.

2. You’re not being honest about what you’re looking for.

We’ve all heard the dating advice about not coming across as ‘too keen’ and how playing it cool is the best way to keep someone interested.

To some extent, this is good advice; you don’t want to come on too strong and scare people off. But there is a balance between scaring someone off and being honest with them and yourself about the type of relationship you’re looking for.

There is nothing wrong with showing you’re interested in someone and being upfront about wanting to date them. Don’t get caught up in having a casual relationship that isn’t what you want just because you don’t want to scare someone off by being too serious.

If they can be up front with you about not wanting a relationship, then why can’t you be honest about the fact that you do?

It’s true, sometimes a casual relationship can turn into something more, but you must have a cut off point. If you don’t, you’ll be left feeling insecure and miserable because you’re trying to settle with the wrong type of person for you.

What to do about it:

There’s a difference between being ‘keen’ and being honest. Why not clearly state  on your dating profile that you are looking for a relationship? At least you’ll weed out all those people who are just interested in hookups.

This way, you know anyone who talks to you knows what you’re looking for and still wants to get to know you.

Being keen is trying to push a relationship too fast, but being honest just means telling someone you’re looking for more than a casual hookup and being prepared to move on if they don’t feel the same.

3. You’re self-sabotaging.

When you’ve faced a lot of rejection and are tired of how it feels, it’s natural to have your emotional defenses up high when you meet someone new.

You start going into dates with the expectation that they won’t lead to anything, and this could be affecting how you come across more than you realize.

By pre-judging the date before it’s begun, you might come across as insincere or sarcastic, when in reality it’s a persona to keep the person at arm’s length and protect yourself from being hurt again if the date goes badly.

Alternatively, you could be so eager for something to come out of a first date that you dominate the conversation in an effort to seem interesting and instead just look desperate for attention.

These things stop you from showing off your best qualities and prevent people from getting to know the real you.

What to do about it:

It’s hard not to feel negative or desperate when you’re used to dates not progressing, but try not to let it dominate your thoughts.

See each new date as a clean slate and give the person you’re meeting a real chance to get to know you, and you them.

Stop worrying so much about trying to please them or thinking about whether there could be a future for the two of you. Just try to enjoy the present moment.

Make the most of the chance to meet someone new, and be sure to prioritize having a good time. The more natural and happy you are, the more attractive you’ll become.

4. You’re going after the wrong type of person.

You might think you have a type, but how do you know if it’s the right type of person for you?

If you haven’t been successful so far in your love life, then you might not be as good at judging what’s best for you as you thought.

Being too selective could be what’s holding you back. By getting to know someone you wouldn’t usually consider for a date, you could discover qualities in a person you never knew you valued in a partner.

Think about what you truly want from a partner, outside of physical appearance or status. Is trust important to you in a relationship? Do you want a partner who makes you laugh?

Focus on the person inside rather than what they look like or do for a living. Money and looks will change over time, but it’s someone’s morals and personality you’re stuck with for life.

What to do about it:

Challenge yourself to go on dates with people outside your normal type. Say yes if someone unexpected asks you out rather than friend-zoning them too quickly just because they aren’t who you’d usually date.

Don’t focus so much on looks, but see if you feel comfortable in their company and enjoy yourself. The more relaxed you are with a person and happier you are being yourself, the more chance there is of making it past a first date into something more.

5. Your standards are too high.

Maybe you’ve seen one too many romcoms or had too much time to think about who your perfect match could be.

You shouldn’t settle for any less than you deserve and you deserve to be completely happy in a relationship. But you can’t always tell everything you need to know about a person from a first date.

Life is a journey, and just because someone isn’t the finished package right now, doesn’t mean they won’t have it together in the future. Be fair to the people you meet and give everyone a chance. No one is perfect, and the characters you fall for in fairytales and films only exist in fiction for a reason.

Try to be realistic about all the qualities you’re looking for in a partner. Don’t be too picky and don’t judge someone too quickly when you first meet. They could be nervous or just as uncertain as you are, and need time, just like you do, to show all of their best qualities.

What to do about it:

Try not to set your expectations too high on a first date.

Don’t judge a person for what they have or do – these are superficial things that can change over time. Just because someone doesn’t fit your idea of your perfect partner right now, doesn’t mean they don’t have the potential to be.

Before you ask about what someone does for a job or where they live, try asking about what they do for fun to get to know more about the real them.

If you’re not sure about them, remember that they could be nervous too. Try meeting them one more time to see if the atmosphere changes when you’re more relaxed around each other.

It’s not about where you go or how much is spent on a first date, it’s about how genuine the person is and whether you can have fun together.

6. You struggle with self-love and self-belief.

Finding a partner isn’t about finding someone to complete you. It’s about finding someone who brings out the best in you.

Confidence is a big part of what makes someone attractive. If you aren’t confident in yourself and what you have to offer, why should a potential date think otherwise?

The minute you start believing you have something great to offer, people will begin to take notice of you.

Self-love is the first love you should concentrate on finding before searching for anything else. A partner is supposed to amplify all the best bits about yourself, so you need to be 100% sure of who you are if you’re going to be able to find the right match for you.

What to do about it:

Before you date anyone, make sure you appreciate what life as an adult without a partner is like. Embrace your hobbies, see your friends and family, and do whatever makes you feel good.

Make self-care a priority, and learn to enjoy time just doing things for yourself so you can be more confident in who you are and what you bring to the relationship table.

7. You’re sending the wrong signals.

There is no rulebook when it comes to first dates, and if you want to go home with someone because it feels right in the moment, then no one should judge you for that.

For some people, going from a one night stand into something more serious can work. But generally, becoming overly intimate too quickly is a sign that things between you will fizzle out fast.

If you get physically intimate too soon, it could give off the wrong signals that you’re looking for a quick fling, rather than something more long term.

In the past, you might have felt like you needed to get physically intimate with someone before you were really ready to, in an effort to keep them interested.

If you’re worried that they’ll lose interest in you because you’re holding out on them, then they aren’t the right person for you. Giving into the pressure will only make you feel worse if it doesn’t turn into anything more.

Try to take intimacy at a pace that feels right for you, and remember that getting to know if you’re compatible outside the sheets is as important as knowing if you can have fun together under them.

What to do about it:

Although it’s not an accurate science, going on 3 or more dates before you get intimate with someone is a good place to start.

If you get physical too quickly, your emotional attachment to a person will grow stronger, even if you tell yourself it’s only a bit of fun. We can’t help that hormones make us feel more attached after sex, which makes being rejected after getting intimate hurt that much more.

People should want to spend time with you because they’re interested in who you are, not just because they can get you into bed. Have confidence in your self-worth and hold out for a person who respects you and values the time you share.

8. You’re waiting for them to make the first move.

The more pressure you put on a situation, the more impossible asking someone out will feel.

We should normalize men or women asking each other out and stop feeling embarrassed over the subject. The worst anyone can do is say no, and if you aren’t dating anyway, then you have nothing to lose.

If you want to date someone, don’t just stand and wait for them to make the first move.

Be casual and polite when you ask someone out, and just don’t take it too hard if they say no.

Who knows what could happen? The person you ask might be flattered or equally nervous to speak to you. Take life by the reins and start making changes for yourself rather than waiting on everyone else to do it for you.

What to do about it:

Take the initiative and just go for it. Remember, confidence is sexy.

Try not to put too much pressure on yourself or come across as too intense. Just suggest a casual date in a polite manner and see what they say.

The worst they can do is say no and there is no reason for you to feel embarrassed or awkward if that happens. They may not even realize how much you like them.

The same applies to calling, messaging, or organizing a date. Don’t worry so much about who messaged last; just tell them what a great time you had on the date and be confident about asking if they want to do something again soon if that’s what you want.

9. You’re putting too much pressure on yourself.

Are you sick of your family and friends asking about your dating life and making jokes?

Or do you feel like you should have met someone by now and there’s something wrong with you because you haven’t?

Whether you’re judging yourself against books and films, or the relationships your friends and family members are in, you’re feeling as though you’re missing all the dating milestones.

Feeling like you’re running out of time can make you do desperate things. It can make you cling on to someone who you know isn’t right for you or push things too fast too early when you finally find a date. It can also make any rejection hurt 100 times worse.

There is no right time to have a relationship, so stop putting the pressure on yourself to be coupled up. You’re not being yourself when you’re trying too hard to impress someone, and people can see through it.

Enjoy the process of meeting new people without sizing them up to be your future spouse. Let things develop at their own pace.

What to do about it:

Just because people around you have coupled up, doesn’t mean that you should too. Even if you do want to find love, it’s much better to hold out for the right person than try to force something with someone who is wrong for you.

The more you force a first date, the less chance you have of making it to a second. Dating isn’t just about finding ‘the one,’ it’s also a great chance to meet a variety of people and become more confident in yourself.

If you haven’t found anyone right for you yet, don’t see it as a negative. Embrace single life, living on your own time, exploring new places, and having new experiences. The more you embrace life as it is, the less pressure you’ll put on finding the right person for you.

Everything will work out at its natural pace.

10. You’re too ready to lose your heart.

We love the romantic idea of finding an instant spark with someone, but reality isn’t always that simple.

Getting too emotionally attached too quickly can scare people off. If you’re desperate for a date to go well, you could be letting yourself think serious thoughts too soon. This can turn into an unhealthy infatuation.

Dating is about getting to know someone to see if they are compatible. It’s likely that a lot of the people you date won’t be, and that’s okay. In the process of meeting them, you’ll learn what it is you like and dislike about a potential partner.

There may be some exceptions to the rule, but falling in love and building the foundations of a relationship takes time.

If you try to rush things and give away your heart too quickly, it will only hurt more when things don’t work out. It will also take you longer to get back to a place where you’re happy to put yourself out there again.

What to do about it:

Don’t let yourself get carried away with imagining your wedding and what your children would look like after just a couple of dates. It takes time to get to know someone properly, and one good date can’t tell you everything you need to know.

If you often let your emotions run away with you, try to take things slower than normal on your next date and not to label anything too fast. Although you want to take things further, the person you like could need a little more time.

11. Your timing is off.

Sometimes, there’s no rhyme or reason to why you haven’t been successful at dating. It may be that you just haven’t met the right person yet.

You could be doing everything right, embracing your single life, not being too pushy on dates, putting yourself out there, and yet the dating game isn’t working for you.

In this case there’s not much to say, other than timing has not been on your side. Perhaps you did meet someone who could have been the right person for you, but circumstances prevented you from making a go of it.

None of this is your fault, or anyone else’s; it’s just a fact of life that sometimes it doesn’t work out how we expect.

But it’s no reason to lose hope. You’re an interesting, confident person who has a lot of love to give. Chances are there are lots of people out there right now who could be the right partner for you. You just haven’t met them yet.

What to do about it:

Trust in the fact that when the timing is right, you will meet the person you’re looking for.

Every experience you’ve had – good or bad – has taught you something about yourself and about the type of person that really suits you. So when the time is right, you’ll feel more certain that you’ve found something good.

It’s hard to trust that everything will work out ok in the end, and there will always be that little voice in the back of your head asking you “but what if it doesn’t work out after all?”

But no one knows what the future holds, and if you’re happy with who you are and making the most of your life, then your future is bright.

A date won’t necessarily fall into your lap; you have to put the work into building up your confidence and putting yourself in positions where you can meet new people. No doubt you’ll face some rejection along the way, but that’s all part of helping you find the right person for you.

Dating shouldn’t feel pressured or stressful, it should be fun and something you enjoy doing.

If you feel as though you’ve faced a lot of rejection recently, maybe take a step back to rediscover a happiness within yourself that you don’t have to rely on a partner for.

There is nothing wrong with you just because you haven’t found the right person yet. And you can’t judge yourself by anyone else’s relationship. Focus on doing what makes you happiest and if it’s meant to be, you’ll find the right match for you when the time is right.

Still not sure what to do when it seems like no one wants to date you? Well, as we have seen, you might not be doing yourself any favors when it comes to dating. And you might benefit from all the wisdom and guidance that an experienced relationship coach can offer you. So why not chat online to one of the experts from Relationship Hero who can help you find the right approach. Simply click here to chat.

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