Considering how much emphasis is placed on the importance of mental health these days, you’d think that people would be more aware of the things they do daily that compromise it. But unfortunately, many things that are deeply damaging to mental and emotional well-being have become so normalized in today’s society that most individuals don’t even realize how harmful they are.
Consider how many of the following behaviors the people around you (or you yourself) adhere to on a daily basis without realizing that they’re contributing to mental unwellness by a thousand tiny cuts.
1. Holding ourselves to unrealistic standards.
Modern society would have us believe that we only have worth as humans if we look and behave a certain way. We’re expected to fight the natural aging process by any means possible, buy big-ticket items in order to keep up with our peers, be educated in specific ways, and have admirable jobs. All while eating clean, healthy food that we’ve grown and cooked ourselves, and so on.
This places immense pressure on individuals to do it all (and have it all), rather than acknowledge their limitations and strive to excel in the areas they’re keen to attain. There’s nothing wrong with a simple life, nor is it a deadly sin to order pizza when you’re too tired to cook. And who established these unrealistic and unhealthy standards anyway? Usually, it’s those who will benefit directly from feeding our insecurities.
2. Not saying what we think.
Temporarily controlling the emotions we feel is often necessary for the sake of remaining civilized. After all, clamping our mouths shut so the first, uncharitable thoughts that come to mind don’t burst out is a healthy, mature, and responsible thing to do. Can you imagine the chaos that would ensue if we didn’t have such filters in place?
That said, if we have a terrible boss or other authority figure who’s constantly being awful to others (including us) and we have to keep our mouths shut and remain polite, that can be catastrophic for our mental health and sense of self-esteem in the long run.
I have many friends whose principal reason for self-employment was to get away from exactly this sort of behavior. They knew they wouldn’t be able to remain silent in the face of this kind of abuse and injustice. Yet so many people stay quiet and then wonder why they can’t look at themselves in the mirror each day.
3. Consuming more media than our minds can handle.
We live in an era in which we can access news from around the world, 24/7. Because of this, many people are oversaturated with bad news happening. Those who aren’t aware of every single horrible thing going on in every corner of the globe are admonished by others to “educate themselves” and “do better”, as though the only way to prove their virtue as caring, conscientious beings is to witness all the world’s horrors on a daily basis.
In reality, human minds were never designed for this kind of onslaught. We evolved to eat nuts and berries while watching the sky with animal companions by our side, as we created art, told stories by the fire, and created strong community bonds.
There is no shame in withdrawing from the horror show of non-stop news for the sake of your own sanity. Be very selective in the media you choose to consume, and fall back again any time you feel overwhelmed. Much like putting on your own oxygen mask in case of an airplane issue before assisting others, you can’t help anyone else if you don’t take care of yourself first.
4. Getting poor sleep.
I don’t know about you, but those I went to school with and worked alongside would often try to one-up one another about how little sleep they had gotten the night before. It seemed to be a mark of personal accomplishment to be able to function “well” while in a state of terrible exhaustion.
It’s one thing if you’re kept awake by noises in the house, insomnia, hormonal issues, or even racing thoughts that prevent you from sleeping, and another if you’re denying yourself adequate rest because you think it shows a high degree of capability and value on your part. That lack of sleep will catch up to you eventually, and in the meantime, your mental health will keep being eroded bit by bit, even if you don’t realize it immediately.
5. Glorifying overwork.
“Hustle culture” has normalized and even lauded the eternal grind that many people insist on adhering to. Online “success influencers” talk about how they’re working three or four jobs at once, packing as much work into every waking moment as possible, and feeling immense pride at this approach — like it’s a great life achievement to work themselves to death. It’s not.
Working yourself to exhaustion doesn’t make you more valuable as a person—it just makes you exhausted. The hustle culture narrative conveniently ignores that rest, relationships, and joy aren’t luxuries to be earned after decades of grinding. They’re essential components of a life worth living, and they’re crucial to maintaining positive mental and physical health.
6. Not getting enough downtime.
Chronic stress does terrible things to people’s mental and physical health. Without time to relax and unwind, people end up in a constant state of adrenal overload. This can lead to everything from nervous breakdowns to autoimmune conditions, cancer, and so on.
We all need downtime to unwind from the burdens the world lays upon our shoulders, and we all find our peace in different ways. Whether it’s some physical meditation, craft, or slaying the billionth minion in a fantasy game, it’s completely necessary for the mind to not be focused on hardship and obligation all the time.
7. Not allowing ourselves to heal properly from illness or injury.
In the same way that many people see it as a virtue to work until they collapse, today’s society has inundated people with the idea that resting to heal from illness or injury is self-indulgent and weak. This is reinforced in places like the USA, where many people have to choose between healing from illness and remaining employed.
For example, the USA has no federally paid maternity leave, forcing many new mothers back to work within weeks of giving birth—or even sooner if they can’t afford unpaid leave. This contrasts sharply with other countries where mothers receive months of paid leave to recover physically and bond with their newborn.
And even in countries with reasonable sickness leave policies, there’s a very strong societal expectation to ignore your illness or pain and simply crack on with life’s duties. This is immensely harmful. People need a lot of time to rest and heal, and that includes from mental hardship.
8. Remaining in situations that damage us.
How many times have you heard people get congratulated for “sticking it out” in situations that were damaging them? It might have been muscling through a toxic work environment where they were being harassed on the daily, staying in an awful relationship to prove they aren’t quitters, or “rising above” ridicule and abuse from relatives for the sake of maintaining familial harmony.
Today’s society has made people think that suffering is virtuous and that leaving situations that harm them is a sign of cowardice. That they’re giving up too easily instead of proving their mettle. It’s ridiculous. If your hand is burning over a candle, you remove it, so the flame stops hurting you. The same goes for a situation that’s compromising your mental health.
9. Saying that everything’s “fine” when it isn’t.
Have you noticed how often people are mocked for being weak or pathetic when they admit to struggling with their emotions or mental health? Men who admit to not being okay are usually viewed with contempt, and women who show emotion at the workplace instantly lose respect from their peers and superiors.
As such, most of us learned a long time ago that the only way we can remain respected (and possibly employed) is to pretend that we’re completely fine, even when we’re falling apart inside. Death in the family? A devastating divorce? Bah: we’re bulletproof! Nothing touches us. Until it becomes overwhelming and then we collapse, which could have been avoided if we’d just opened up about our struggles before they became unmanageable.
Final thoughts…
If any of these behaviors are familiar to you, consider taking some time to analyze why you’ve been doing them. Did those who raised you and influenced your early development lead by example with these actions? Or have you been buying into the unhealthy habits that those around you have normalized, even though you can feel deep down that they aren’t okay?
The first step in unlearning these behaviors is to recognize where they’re originating from. That way, they can be dug out at the root, rather than risking them re-establishing themselves after a brief trim.
