Have you got anybody in your life who makes you feel that little bit happier every time you’re in their company? Often it’s a case of, “I can’t quite put my finger on what it is, but I know you are great to be around.”
I think we’d all like to be that person, but for some, it definitely seems to come more naturally. And those people usually demonstrate 9 small gestures that make them a positive influence, with their joy spreading during your time with them.
Are you ready to pick out which gestures you want to possess for yourself?
1. Remembering previously discussed details.
Remembering previous conversations you’ve had with people is crucial if you want to deepen connections and develop new relationships.
Imagine the scenario: I’ve just met you for coffee, and the last time we spoke, you told me that you were going to see a physiotherapist about your knee problem. If I want to make you feel special, the first thing I’m going to do after our general greet is to ask you how your appointment went. Why? Because I remember you telling me how important it was for you to lessen the pain you’ve been suffering with, and how miserable it was making you feel.
As such, checking in about that is a priority. What about that would make me a joy to be around? Well, the way our lives are becoming busier and busier, it’s easy to forget previous conversations, but if you can bank the highlights, you can make your loved ones feel like they matter. You transform into that person who actually listens. What’s not joyous about that?
Of course, remembering these kinds of details comes much more naturally to some than others, but even if memory isn’t your strong point there are ways to enhance this skill, for example, creating a mental story about a person or jotting down notes on your phone after you’ve spoken to them.
2. Using your name in conversation.
Names are a fundamental part of our identity, and what audibly sets us apart from each other. Experts advise that using names in friendly conversation acts as a bridge to connect with each other. They say it shows respect, makes the other person feel special, and creates more intimacy, and brain studies confirm the importance of hearing one’s own name.
Think about how many times you hear, “Yeah, she this,” or “Well, he that.” I think of the old British/Irish phrase, “Who’s she, the cat’s mother?” which was (and still is) used to correct children who are referring to a woman as ‘she’ when that woman is in earshot. It was a phrase that was meant to correct and steer away from the impoliteness of not using a person’s name.
So, if you want to be that certain person who is a total joy, think of names, and use them wisely! And if names are not your strong point, there are several tricks to help you remember them, such as creating a funny story around them, writing them down, and creating visualizations to link the name to the person.
3. Little gestures of warmth or kindness.
The beauty of this is the different ways you can greet somebody or show kindness. Those who are a little more reserved may not go in for hugs or grand gestures, but it’s all about showing kindness, and a simple act can be the catalyst for a great time together or simply spreading a little joy into someone’s day.
I go to a community fridge because I’m obsessed with preventing food waste, and I’ve gotten to know the regulars who attend. I say hello to everybody, and as a result, I sometimes get into little conversations there. I like to be friendly, and while that may not be the same for everybody, there are other ways you can show kindness that fit your unique personality. Things like a simple smile or holding the door open for a stranger can make you joyful to be around. These things might be small, but they can carry such a positive impact with them!
4. Saying thank you.
Saying thank you can seem as though a person is just being polite, and while that’s true, there’s also the added impact that these words offer appreciation to someone. Psychologists report that when you’re being thanked, it feels good because it shows that you’ve been seen and valued. And on a subconscious level, giving thanks reminds us and shows others that ultimately we all depend on each other. We are all here to help each other, and we are connected through thoughtful deeds of offering what help and joy we can.
I love the idea that two words, which are such a small gesture, can bring such interconnectedness and joy to both those giving and receiving them.
5. Avoiding distractions such as phones.
When I saw that there is a real face-down phone theory, I almost spat out my tea. This is the world we are living in, a world where our phones have grown to become an extra limb on our bodies.
If you constantly check yours while I’m talking to you, I won’t like it. That’s not because I’m entitled, but because I value my time with the people I’m with. I think back to the 90s when I was a teenager, and how present we were with each other. We lived in the moment, and we weren’t thinking, “I wonder who has texted me,” while our friends were telling us a fun story.
Now, it’s as though people can’t help it, and who can blame them when modern technology has been engineered to be as addictive and attention-grabbing as possible. But wouldn’t our interactions be more joyous if we could just put our phones away every now and then, and offer real quality to conversations?
6. Removing the pressure when you’re around them.
“You’re a real breath of fresh air!” Hands up who has heard that idiom before, and give yourself extra points if somebody has said that to you. To be the kind of person who lifts moments that are otherwise dark and heavy is exactly that: a refreshing and welcome change.
If there is pressure, just being able to smooth it over with a feeling of reassurance, a nod of support, a light-hearted quip, or a warm presence makes such a difference. There’s a steadiness about this trait, and also a consistent calmness that you can rely on from being around them.
I definitely feel as though I need more people like this in my life! They must have great social awareness and emotional regulation skills to be able to manage situations like that.
7. Being grateful for the small things in life, and showing it.
I think the best part about being able to appreciate (and show that appreciation) for the small things in life is that you are in some way teaching others to do the same. When you can model healthy positivity like this, you can encourage others to incorporate it into their lives, too.
I love that idea. Not only are certain people automatically this way, but they’re also showing outwardly how to achieve it for yourself. Think about small kids, for example. “Mummy! Look at that plane!” “Daddy, I picked a flower for you.” They can teach us so much about appreciating the small things.
People pay attention, you know. If you’re giving out joy and appreciation like this, then small is certainly not insignificant, and it can really make others stop and think about the things they might be taking for granted.
8. Being respectful of sensory differences.
Do you love standing close, directly facing people when you talk to them? That’s great, but what about the comfort of the other person? They may not like it at all. Our enjoyment (or discomfort) of movements, sights, sounds, or even smells all differ enormously.
Those who are a joy to be around know that, and more so, respect that. I think it’s a warmly inclusive way to behave. It says, “I may love to hug and talk and laugh loudly, but I appreciate that not everybody thinks like me, or appreciates those things.”
It can be challenging to understand other people’s needs and perspectives, especially when they are very different from our own, but imagine how improved our collective wellbeing would be if everybody could be that mindful – what a joy every day would be.
Final thoughts…
With a thoughtful small gesture, you can change how people feel about being in your company, and sometimes it’s just a case of thinking about how you can make a difference. You don’t have to present as this perfectly polished person with endless charisma that spreads into next week. It’s often just about how you make others feel as though you value them and your time with them.
I feel as though the best part is that anybody can demonstrate these small gestures; there’s really nothing complicated about them. For me, I want to work on leaving my phone elsewhere while I am seeing my friends. I do not need to check the weather while we are halfway through our starters.
What do you want to work on?
