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When you care about someone, you want to get close to them, right?
But what if they push you away?
Maybe your partner was kind and affectionate before, but something changed, and they grew cold and distant.
Perhaps it’s not that obvious, but you can sense that something’s not right. It feels like they are pushing you away, and you are scared that this might mean the end of your relationship.
Your relationship isn’t necessarily doomed – there’s still hope!
Keep reading to learn about the signs someone is pushing you away, reasons why they’re acting this way, and how you can try to fix things.
15 Signs Someone Is Pushing You Away
A person who pushes you away often acts as if they don’t care about you. They might even tell you that they need space. But this doesn’t have to mean that the reason has something to do with you. It doesn’t have to mean that they want to break up.
You’ll soon find out why this happens, but let’s first learn to recognize it when this happens. Here are some of the signs people show when they start pushing their partner away:
1. They don’t want to spend time with you.
You used to hang out as often as possible, but lately, they just say they’re too busy to meet with you. It seems like they always have an excuse not to spend time with you, and there’s always something else they’d rather do.
This behavior probably isn’t how things used to be, so you can clearly see that something has changed in your relationship. Your partner pushes you away by not wanting to spend as much time with you as they used to.
But is it true that they don’t want to spend time with you? Don’t assume this just because they had something else to do when you wanted to see them. However, you should be worried if they clearly don’t have a valid excuse and it’s evident that they don’t enjoy spending time with you anymore. Your partner might be slowly distancing themselves from the relationship until they’re ready to leave it.
2. They aren’t present when they’re with you.
Maybe your partner does spend time with you, but it’s like they’re not really there when they do. They are not present in the conversation or even in spirit. It feels like they would rather be somewhere else, and they’re not trying to hide it.
Something else seems to be on their mind, and they zone out when you try to talk to them. They’re not engaged in the conversation. Instead of talking to you, they get easily distracted and even search for something else to do. You don’t feel like you’ve got their attention.
It feels like they only show up so that you wouldn’t be upset at them for bailing on you. They don’t stick around for long and even find an excuse to end the date early. Behaviors like this are some of the clear signs that your partner is pushing you away.
However, maybe something else is going on in their life that’s causing them to behave this way. Look for more signs to know for sure.
3. They are distracted by other things when they’re with you.
They spend most of their time on their phone when they should be enjoying their time with you. Their phone is not the only distraction because they’re essentially searching for something to do instead of talking to you.
This is a bad sign that shows that your partner is pushing you away. When you’re together, they should be focused on you and give you their full attention. If they don’t feel like doing that anymore, their feelings for you may have changed.
On the other hand, maybe there’s something that they’re not telling you. You will have to confront them to find out. Perhaps they’re not as interested in you as they were, but maybe something else is causing them to be distracted. For instance, perhaps the reason they’re constantly on the phone has something to do with a job opportunity, and they’re distracted because of work.
4. They barely talk to you.
Your relationship is in trouble if your partner barely talks to you. Maybe you used to talk for hours, but now, they just give you “yes” and “no” answers and short sentences. They don’t seem interested in sharing details of their day with you, let alone their plans for the future.
You don’t have meaningful conversations or consult each other before making decisions. Instead, your partner says the bare minimum that needs to be said and leaves you guessing what’s on their mind.
They don’t reach out to you by sending a text as they used to, either. Instead, you only text each other when you text first. They give you short responses and try to end the conversation as soon as possible.
This one-sided communication is not going to help your relationship. They are pushing you away, and your relationship is in trouble even if they’re not willing to admit it.
5. They avoid you and spend more alone time.
You get the feeling that your partner’s avoiding you, and you might be right.
It’s not just that they don’t want to spend time with you. They avoid places where they could run into you. They always have an excuse not to see you, and they suddenly need more alone time.
It can be okay for a person to want more alone time in a relationship. However, when it leaves them with no time for you, something’s not right.
Maybe they even avoid your friends that they know of and refuse to go to the parties where they’ll know your friends will be. While some of these examples are extreme, these behaviors can indicate that your partner’s trying to escape breaking up with you in person.
There are other possible explanations. However, if your partner goes to these extremes to avoid you, there’s a good chance that they want out.
6. They don’t show you affection.
Even though they couldn’t get their hands off you before, now it feels like they avoid touching you. There’s no more physical affection in your relationship. They don’t hug you, they don’t kiss you, and you have stopped having sex. They may even literally push you away when you try to touch them.
Maybe they don’t show you any kind of affection anymore, not just in the physical sense. They don’t use endearing nicknames or tell you they love you. Overall, they seem like they no longer care about you.
Things probably weren’t this way from the start, so it’s clear that something has changed in your relationship. Perhaps it’s your partner’s feelings for you, but this doesn’t necessarily mean it’s over. If it suddenly feels like your partner doesn’t care for you, maybe there’s a reason. For instance, maybe you did something to hurt them or they are avoiding opening up to you.
7. They don’t show interest in what you talk about.
When someone is romantically interested in you, they’ll be interested in every word you say. Even mundane things can seem exciting when a person you like is talking about them.
However, your partner is no longer interested in your days, hobbies, plans, or anything else. They don’t seem interested in hearing about what you have to say, whatever it is.
This could be a sign that they’re no longer interested in you. However, maybe they’ve gotten bored, or there’s another reason they’re pushing you away. They used to actively listen to you when you talked, but now it’s like they’re checked out.
You’ll have to work on this serious problem if you want your relationship to be healthy. However, maybe the problem isn’t so big. People can act uninterested in what someone is talking about when they’re preoccupied with their own thoughts.
8. They frequently start a fight.
Do you fight on a regular basis? Do you even know what you’re fighting about?
Perhaps your partner starts a fight with you for no apparent reason. It feels like it’s the same fight over and over again, and you don’t know what’s causing it. It’s like they’re waiting for you to make the wrong move so that they can yell at you.
If your partner is constantly starting fights, they might not be happy in the relationship.
The reason why they’re unhappy might not have anything to do with what they talk about during the fight. They’re trying to push you away with constant fighting. It seems like they’re very frustrated about something, and they take it out on you even though you had nothing to do with it.
Your arguments don’t help calm things down, and half the time you don’t even know why they’re angry at you.
9. They don’t tell you about what’s going on with them.
Your partner is supposed to share personal things about their life with you, and they probably did before. Now, it’s like you’re forced to read their mind to find out what’s going on with them.
They don’t let you in on what’s up with them, and they no longer share their plans with you. You have no clue about how they spend their days or what they plan to do this weekend. All you can do is wait for them to remember that they’re with you and see you, but are they really with you?
This behavior isn’t a good sign. Your partner should be able to open up to you, and it could even be argued that you should be the first to know when something changes in their life.
10. They are cold and distant.
Your partner seems cold and like they’re distant, both physically and emotionally. They seem detached and unfriendly. While we can all have bad days, this is not a type of behavior that you should be continuously experiencing in a relationship.
Your partner shuts down when you try to talk to them about it, or anything else for that matter. You feel unloved, and they are probably aware of it, yet they keep giving you the cold shoulder.
It feels like they already broke up with you in their mind. They don’t open up to you, and you don’t know how to get to them and make them see that they’re dooming your relationship.
11. They cancel on you.
You planned many romantic dates, but they canceled on you each time.
It’s like they don’t want to go on dates with you anymore, and they always have better things to do. They cancel at the last minute and leave you hanging. They have to see their friends, play sports, or even do something they don’t want to tell you about.
You’re left wondering why they agree to a date when they don’t plan to show up.
Maybe they don’t know what they want, but you shouldn’t tolerate such behavior in a relationship.
12. They don’t respond to your calls and texts or leave you waiting.
You’d expect someone who’s in love with you to respond within a reasonable timeframe when you text or call them, and maybe they did before. But now, they just ignore your calls and texts or leave you waiting for hours (or days!) until they text or call back.
You are left wondering what’s going on with them, and maybe they don’t even tell you that. This shows that you’re not a priority to them, and it’s also a sign of disrespect.
Perhaps they also respond with short sentences once they finally do respond. If they even respond at all. They are pushing you away or trying to get out of the relationship.
13. They blame you for everything.
According to your partner, you’re the one to blame for everything wrong that happens in their life. It seems like everything you do is a mistake in their eyes, and it makes you feel terrible.
You should know that you can’t be the one to blame for everything. Your partner is probably just trying to find a reason to leave the relationship. They push you away by blaming everything on you even though you probably did nothing wrong.
Even if you did do something wrong, they probably exaggerated it and made a big fuss about it even though that wasn’t necessary.
14. They have time for other people but not for you.
Everything else comes first in their life, including everyone else but you. They put their friends and even casual acquaintances ahead of you on their list of priorities. They ditch you to spend time with other people in their life. And though it can’t be said for certain, there is the possibility that they might be romantically interested in someone else.
Everything is more important to them than you are, whether it’s their hobbies or just going out and drinking with friends. You should never be made to feel like you’re the second-best option, and you should feel valued and respected. Don’t tolerate your partner putting everything else ahead of you.
15. They ask you for a break.
In the end, your partner could openly ask you for a break. They could ask for some space to think, room to clear their mind, or time to figure things out.
Often, these things mean the same thing: “I want to break up.”
Of course, there’s a possibility that your partner really needs a small break from the world. But, if they need a break from you, it’s a very bad sign. If they ask for a break from the relationship, they probably want to break up with you.
Does it have to be the end, though? Not necessarily. Keep reading to find out why they might be acting this way and what you can do about it.
Want to talk to someone about your partner’s behavior and how it makes you feel? Chat online to one of the experts from Relationship Hero. Simply click here to chat.
10 Reasons Why They Push You Away
The reason for your partner’s change in behavior doesn’t have to mean that they don’t care about you anymore. The problem might have roots in their past and have nothing to do with you.
There are many possible reasons why someone might push you away. Read through them and try to figure out what could best describe your specific situation. You’ll need to find out the reason to get to the root of the problem.
1. They are scared of letting you in.
A fear of intimacy causes people to push their loved ones away.
They are afraid of getting hurt, possibly because of a bad experience in the past. If your partner avoids intimacy, it is to preserve themselves from possible heartbreak or rejection. They may have painful experiences from their past relationships. They are scared of letting you in and allowing you to hurt them. The thought of a close relationship makes them uncomfortable, so they push you away.
2. They had a difficult childhood.
The reason your partner pushes you away might have roots in their childhood. If their parent or caregiver couldn’t meet their needs for intimacy in childhood, they may have adopted an avoidant attachment style. They are too afraid to form close relationships as adults because they’re scared they’ll get let down again, like in their childhood.
People with avoidant attachment styles often prefer casual relationships, and they tend to leave relationships when they start to get serious. They can sometimes cling to a partner and push them away and go back and forth between these things.
So the reason your partner pushes you away might be that they have an avoidant attachment style. If it’s too different than your attachment style, it’s likely the explanation for your problems.
3. They had bad past experiences with relationships.
Previous experiences with relationships might have left your partner with trust issues.
This trauma is especially true if their past partner lied to them or cheated on them. They may have felt betrayed when it happened, and they may now have trouble trusting people, fearing that it will happen again.
If your partner has trust issues, they might find it hard to open up to you. They might get jealous for no reason, constantly check up on you and act emotionally unavailable.
They might find it hard to trust themselves too. If they’ve made mistakes in the past, they could be scared that they’ll make the same ones again. If they have a lot of self-doubts and feel guilty about their past mistakes, it could be the reason why they push you away.
4. They don’t want to fall for you.
If your partner doesn’t want to connect with you, they’ll push you away. While so many people search for love, some prefer not to fall in love.
This attitude could be due to bad past experiences or simply because they are not ready for love in their life. They tend to keep quiet about their feelings and push someone away when they’re feeling vulnerable and like they’re falling in love. They prefer not to open up because getting close to someone could make them fall for them. There are many reasons why your partner might not want to fall for you, so consider whether this is the answer to your problems.
5. They don’t like you.
Sadly, the reason why your partner pushes you away might be because they don’t like you enough. People don’t want to get close to those they don’t like and don’t intend to keep in their life for long.
Maybe your partner cared about you before, but they don’t feel the same way anymore. If they don’t want to be around you and you don’t talk anymore, they want out. Maybe they’re afraid of breaking your heart, so they’re pushing you away to let you know that they’re not interested.
It’s not fair, but you can’t make someone like you. You deserve to be with someone who truly enjoys you.
6. They are interested in someone else.
Your partner might not be present when they’re with you because they have someone else on their mind. The sad fact is, they could be having an affair or thinking about having one.
Someone might have caught their interest even if they did nothing about it yet. They’re pushing you away because they know that they’re not supposed to have feelings for someone else. If they spend a lot of time on the phone and hide it from you, they might be talking to the person they’re interested in.
These feelings might confuse them even if they didn’t do anything about them yet. They need time and space to think about what they really want.
7. They need space.
There are plenty of reasons why your partner might need space. One of them is if they’ve been feeling suffocated in the relationship. If you’ve been acting clingy and wanting to spend all your time with them, they could feel like they have no room to breathe.
They could also need space if they are thinking about someone else or considering ending the relationship. Sometimes, people use this phrase when they want to break up, but it can also mean other things. Your partner might need more alone time and time to focus on their personal or professional projects.
8. They are bored in the relationship.
Your partner might have gotten bored in the relationship.
Fortunately, this is one of the best reasons because it’s not that hard to fix. If you’ve been together for a while and ran out of things to do, you can always try new fun activities and make things interesting. And if things get boring in the bedroom, you can always spice them up.
On the other hand, your partner could be bored with you in the sense that they want to be with someone new.
If your partner has already made up their mind about the relationship, nothing will help. Sometimes people get bored of being with someone. While you might not be boring at all, there’s not much you can do to make yourself interesting to your partner if they’ve decided they’re done with the relationship.
9. They are considering ending the relationship.
Your partner might be trying to break up with you by pushing you away. Breaking up with someone is never easy, and there’s no way you could do it without looking bad. You may try to avoid doing it when you know that you’ll break someone’s heart.
Instead, you push them away, avoid facing them, and get distant, hoping they’ll get the message and leave on their own. Sadly, this is how some people think; they fear confronting their partner about their need to end things.
On the other hand, maybe your partner is just considering ending the relationship, and they aren’t sure what they want, but they have thought about leaving you. If this is the case, you might get them to open up to you about what’s bothering them and work on fixing the issue.
10. They are mad at you.
Naturally, your partner could push you away simply because they are mad at you. If you did something to hurt or upset them, maybe they’re just not done being mad at you because of it.
They might be considering ending the relationship. However, they might still be processing their hurt feelings instead. If you apologize to them and try to make things right again, they might stop pushing you away.
This is one of the best reasons why someone might act differently all of a sudden. With some effort, it’s not that hard to fix things. Keep reading to learn more about ways to repair your relationship.
Want some specific advice on what to do about your partner pushing you away like this? Why not chat online to one of the experts from Relationship Hero who can help you figure things out. Simply click here to chat.
6 Things You Can Do When Your Partner Pushes You Away
If your partner is pushing you away, don’t pretend like everything’s okay. Even if you are scared of confronting them about it, you’ll have to get them to open up to you to make your relationship work.
Here are all the steps that you can take to fix things between you:
1. Figure out why they’re pushing you away.
By now, you probably have a good idea of why your partner’s pushing you away, but spend some more time thinking about it before confronting them.
Are you sure that they are pushing you away? You might be misinterpreting their behavior or expecting them to do something you’ve experienced in the past. Are they showing many signs listed above? Is the reason why they’re doing this clear to you?
If so, think about how you will confront them about it. Remember that you don’t want to have an aggressive approach and make them defensive. You want them to feel safe to open up to you, and if this is already an issue, you should plan this with some thought. Pick a time when they are relaxed and initiate the conversation.
2. Talk to them about it.
Make sure that you pick a time and place where you’ll both be comfortable and able to talk uninterrupted. Get your partner to open up to you by calmly discussing their perspective on the newfound distance in your relationship. Try not to blame them for anything or make them feel guilty by pointing out what they might have done differently.
Let them know how their behavior makes you feel and that you’re worried about the relationship. Approach them with compassion and a desire to understand their point of view and where this is coming from. Try not to be the one who does most of the talking. They should be the ones to open up and let you in on what’s been going on with them, even if you think that you know the reason.
3. Show your support.
Maybe there are ways you could help your partner feel safer with you. Perhaps they need more physical affection, time with you, or communication. Ask them what they need and how you could show them support.
Let them know that you want to work on the relationship and ask how to have more intimacy. Discuss their reasons with them. If they’ve had bad past experiences that are causing them to act this way, encourage them to seek help.
The important part is that you show them support. Help them feel safe to open up to you and let them know that you’re there for them if you can help somehow.
4. Make things more interesting.
Your partner might be bored with the relationship, but this is not hard to fix. If you go for a movie and dinner date every time, do something different now.
Engage in fun activities together. Maybe find a common interest that could turn into a new hobby that you could practice together. Go out, dance, laugh, and make things interesting for them. Maybe you could learn something new by taking classes or traveling somewhere on a short and romantic trip.
Perhaps your partner just needs to be reminded of how fun things can be with you.
5. Give them space.
Sometimes, nothing that you can do can fix things because your partner needs to sort things out independently.
If you try talking to them and improving things, but they still need space from you, give them space. After all, you have no other choice. Remember that giving them space doesn’t necessarily mean giving them permission to move on or find someone else. Sometimes people just need some time to recharge and think things through.
When your partner needs space, you have to respect that need. If you’ve been clingy before, some space might even be good for your relationship.
6. Be patient instead of clingy.
When your partner pushes you away, you might feel a stronger need to pull them closer, and this could make you clingy and push your partner even further away.
Try to be patient instead of pressuring them to open up and clinging to the relationship.
They should know that you’re there for them and that you can take things slow if they want to. There’s not much else you could do at this point other than that. Offer them space, and they will come back to you if they are right for you.
If they are willing to work on the relationship, you could try talking to a therapist.
A therapist can help your partner with their fear of intimacy or trust issues, but they can also help you overcome this situation. Talk to someone about what’s bothering you – you’ll feel better for it. You might even find a solution for your worries and get your partner to open up to you!
If things between you are bad, don’t hesitate to talk to someone about it and find more ways to approach the situation. The experts at Relationship Hero are on hand 24/7 to discuss things with you – either by yourself to help you figure out what to do, or as a couple to help you overcome any issues between you.
Click here to learn more or to speak to someone now.
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